{"id":2148,"date":"2018-02-08T11:53:27","date_gmt":"2018-02-08T16:53:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2148"},"modified":"2018-02-08T11:53:27","modified_gmt":"2018-02-08T16:53:27","slug":"one-million-b-c-a-science-fiction-movie-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/08\/one-million-b-c-a-science-fiction-movie-review\/","title":{"rendered":"One Million B.C. \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review"},"content":{"rendered":"

Turner Classic Movies is a mixed bag. They do play a lot of good old movies.\u00a0 But then you have to endure Alec Baldwin or Tina Fey talking to the insufferable host, Ben Mankiewicz about movies or anything else.\u00a0 Well anyway, they\u2019ve been playing a lot of old bad sci-fi movies lately.\u00a0 It\u2019s been great.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give my thoughts on them.\u00a0 This is usually a combination of nostalgia and shock.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen most of these movies before but in some cases I haven\u2019t seen them in over fifty years.\u00a0 Neither they nor I have aged well and so the re-acquaintance is sometimes off-putting to say the least.\u00a0 Both these movies and my younger self have lost a lot of respect in my current eyes.\u00a0 But today\u2019s movie is a treat because I actually never saw this epic before.\u00a0 And first off do not mistake this masterpiece for the sound alike “One Million Years<\/strong> BC” re-make with Raquel Welch.<\/p>\n

This is the 1940 masterpiece with those two towering thespians Lon Chaney Jr. and Victor Mature. Honestly this movie should get a special award for unbelievably bad special effects.\u00a0 But special effects is just the tip of the iceberg.\u00a0 The cheesiness of the sets, the really bad acting and the silliness of the plot combine to create a feast of cinematic awfulness.\u00a0 I loved it.<\/p>\n

One of my favorite scenes has Victor Mature as caveman Tumak poking a seven foot tall miniature Tyrannosaurus rex in the stomach with his poorly made spear.\u00a0 The monster is so obviously a man in a cloth suit that it\u2019s hard not to burst out laughing, and actually I did.\u00a0 Only slightly less silly are the real animals like dogs, goats, cows and even elephants covered in fake hair to make them \u201cprehistoric-looking.\u201d \u00a0Especially funny is the armadillo with horns glued onto its head.\u00a0 It has been magnified to be the size of an elephant.\u00a0 But it doesn\u2019t seem to be doing anything particularly dangerous.\u00a0 But the cavemen do look really scared of it.\u00a0 Equally frightening to the cavemen are magnified images of modern day reptiles.\u00a0 There are tegus and rhinoceros iguanas and even a baby alligator with a fake sailfish sail glued to its back.\u00a0 One interesting historical circumstance is the fact that several of the reptiles are noticeably harmed by each other in some fight scenes including one tegu that is obviously killed in a fight with the fake sailfish alligator.\u00a0 Nowadays the Humane Society would have the film-makers drawn and quartered for so much as stressing out a mosquito on set.\u00a0 Progress!<\/p>\n

But where the movie really shines is the portrayal of caveman tribal dynamics. Tumak is the son of the clan leader Akhoba (played by \u00a0Lon Chaney Jr).\u00a0 When Tumak accidentally attacks Akhoba for trying to steal a chunk of dino-burger.\u00a0 Akhoba throws him off a cliff.\u00a0 After this he wanders away and ends up being adopted by a more enlightened clan.\u00a0 They\u2019re probably from Scandinavia because they have blondes, good table manners and neutered males.\u00a0 After he gets ejected from the new tribe for beating a spear maker who objected to being robbed Tumak ends up back at the old clan cave with his blonde girlfriend in tow.\u00a0 Apparently she likes the bad boy type and thinks she can fix him.\u00a0 While Tumak was gone Akhoba has been demoted from chief to crippled loser after being severely injured in a fight with a giant goat.\u00a0 Breaking with caveman etiquette Blondie institutes women and children and crippled losers first at food distribution time.\u00a0 Surprisingly, Tumak is supportive of the new arrangement.\u00a0 Progress!<\/p>\n

Well anyway there soon ensues a crisis involving a volcanic eruption and a giant iguana that ends up with both clans coming together with Tumak as the new chief. The End.<\/p>\n

Wow. This movie must be seen by all science fiction fans.\u00a0 Afterwards you\u2019ll have a new found respect for stop action animation or even well-made monster suits.\u00a0 Only recommended if you really enjoy very bad sci-fi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Turner Classic Movies is a mixed bag. They do play a lot of good old movies.\u00a0 But then you have to endure Alec Baldwin or<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[239,237,4,243],"tags":[675,677,431,43,44,676],"class_list":["post-2148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movie-reviews","category-reviews","category-sff","category-sff-movie-reviews","tag-bad-special-effects","tag-cavemen","tag-lon-chaney-jr","tag-movie-review","tag-sci-fi","tag-victor-mature"],"yoast_head":"\nOne Million B.C. \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/08\/one-million-b-c-a-science-fiction-movie-review\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"One Million B.C. \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Turner Classic Movies is a mixed bag. 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