Everyone\u2019s favorite Haitian lesbian kewpie doll finishes off her White House press conference with the five hundredth repetition of, \u201cAsk the White House Counsel\u2019s office about the classified documents found in the bucket at the end of the rope in the waters of Chesapeake Bay at the end of the pier next to Hunter\u2019s condo.\u00a0 We are following a process and it does not include me answering annoying and unnecessary questions.\u201d<\/p>\n
As she leaves the podium Jumpin\u2019 Joe Biden shuffles up to the microphone and greets the White House Press Corp with a flash of his bionic choppers and a bubbly \u201cI\u2019ve got this\u201d lack of concern.<\/p>\n
When the Fox News reporter attempts to ask the octogenarian denizen of the West Wing about the seventeenth classified document cache discovered that morning, Biden raises his arms as if to fend off the question and starts talking, \u201cNow hold on, hold on.\u00a0 People have been talking behind my back about how the Deep State is turning against me and wants me to resign.\u00a0 Well, fat chance.<\/p>\n
The American people aren\u2019t interested in these documents.\u00a0 The documents are classified.\u00a0 Classified!\u00a0 That means they\u2019re secret.\u00a0 Americans aren\u2019t allowed to know what\u2019s in them.\u00a0 So obviously I\u2019m not going to talk about them.\u00a0 Good Americans won\u2019t want to know about them.\u00a0 That\u2019s just common sense. \u00a0So that means that those Americans who want to know about these documents are bad Americans.\u00a0 Bad!\u00a0 And bad Americans are what we\u2019ve been fighting against since I took office in 2021.<\/p>\n
They attacked our democracy on January 6th<\/sup> and thousands of Capitol police officers were slaughtered and millions of IRS agents were killed in the suitcase nuke they unleashed.\u00a0 Or almost unleashed.\u00a0 Because I was there to save them.\u00a0 I threw myself on the suitcase and absorbed the full blast.\u00a0 This temporarily neutralized my super strength and x-ray vision but later on those powers came back.<\/p>\n And that brings me to what I really want to talk about today.\u00a0 The Second Amendment.\u00a0 Or rather the myth of the Second Amendment.\u00a0 A lot of trouble makers have been telling people that the Constitution includes a right to bear arms.\u00a0 Well, this seemed very strange to me so I had top men looking into this.\u00a0 J Edgar Hoover, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, who isn\u2019t a man but could be if she decides she wants to be one.\u00a0 And they\u2019ve reported back that it\u2019s just not true.\u00a0 When they went back to the original copy of the Constitution there was an asterisk in invisible ink next to the Second Amendment that can only be seen using Ben Franklin\u2019s bifocals, and that leads to an equally invisible footnote that says, \u201cAmendment deleted due to Consumer Safety concerns and environmental effects of gun powder.\u201d\u00a0 True story!<\/p>\n So effective immediately we\u2019ll be rounding up all those illegal guns.\u00a0 And hopefully none of these illegal gun owners will get any funny ideas about resisting.\u00a0 You know an AR-15 isn\u2019t exactly an F-15.\u00a0 And a 30-megaton thermonuclear ICBM trumps a protest march six ways from Sunday.\u00a0 Now I\u2019ve got to run because the local Catholic girls\u2019 middle school is presenting me with a plaque that says \u201cWorld\u2019s Greatest President\u201d and I\u2019ve heard they all have great shampoo choices there.\u00a0 True story!\u201d<\/p>\n Biden walks confusedly away from the podium and is intercepted by Dr. Jill who gives him his juice box and leads him toward the Oval Office for his 10 am full body blood replacement and electroshock therapy.\u00a0 The White House Press Corp stare helplessly at each other and dejectedly update their resumes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Everyone\u2019s favorite Haitian lesbian kewpie doll finishes off her White House press conference with the five hundredth repetition of, \u201cAsk the White House Counsel\u2019s office<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2945,5,288],"tags":[3840,3193,2856,3519,28],"class_list":["post-21878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biden-humor","category-current-events","category-humor","tag-biden","tag-biden-humor","tag-dementia-joe","tag-failed-biden-presidency","tag-second-amendment"],"yoast_head":"\n