{"id":2205,"date":"2018-02-24T21:06:35","date_gmt":"2018-02-25T02:06:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2205"},"modified":"2018-02-25T16:28:16","modified_gmt":"2018-02-25T21:28:16","slug":"attack-of-the-fifty-foot-woman-a-science-fiction-movie-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/24\/attack-of-the-fifty-foot-woman-a-science-fiction-movie-review\/","title":{"rendered":"Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Reviewer\u2019s Note:\u00a0 I watched this movie almost three weeks ago and put it aside without finishing it because much better things were going on.\u00a0 Now that I\u2019ve decided to finish it, I find that I\u2019ve forgotten some of the details.\u00a0 Please forgive any vagueness or inaccuracies.\u00a0 Merciful forgetfulness has shielded me from a vivid memory of this dreck.\u00a0 But believe me when I say that this movie is as bad or worse than I represent it.\u00a0 Enjoy.<\/strong>)<\/p>\n

As a worthy successor to a recent review (One Million B.C.) I have another TCM .\u00a0 Here is a movie that cries out for mockery.\u00a0 It has a plot so weak that I believe the writer must have been either a heroin addict, a congenital idiot or a democrat.\u00a0 This was a year after sputnik launched so the UFO is a big silver ball.\u00a0 The alien is a giant and he more or less fills up the whole ball.\u00a0 He\u2019s a big bald-headed guy wearing a short dress that looks like it was stolen from the costume closet of the movie Spartacus.\u00a0 For some reason that probably didn\u2019t even make sense to the writer, the giant is searching for diamonds.\u00a0 Alright, so much for the science fiction, such as it is.\u00a0 Now for the human interest.\u00a0 Harry and Nancy are a married couple with problems.\u00a0 Nancy is rich and has problems involving drinking and mental instability and Harry has a wandering eye for the ladies.\u00a0 When first we see him he\u2019s at what looks like a diner with a blonde vixen named Honey wrapped around him complaining about how his rich wife won\u2019t give him more money to spend on booze and trashy women.\u00a0 Honey is sympathetic.\u00a0 He has a plan to get Nancy\u2019s money by having her committed to a mental institution.\u00a0 Honey is sympathetic again.<\/p>\n

Switch scenes to Nancy driving along the roads of some southwestern landscape, cactus, sage brush and sand in all directions.\u00a0 She seems sad and drunk.\u00a0 And as she sadly, drunkenly drives along she sees giant sputnik flying around in the sky in a completely unconvincing imitation of anything moving through the air.\u00a0 Eventually it lands on the road in front of her.\u00a0 Nancy brakes into the shoulder and witnesses a truly unconvincing special effects portrayal of a fifty-foot alien coming out of a forty-foot sputnik.\u00a0 Most of the scene centers on Nancy screeching uncontrollably and trying to avoid the giant as he tries to paw her with his six-foot-long giant hand.\u00a0 Later on, we\u2019ll learn that he somehow knew she was wearing a big diamond on a necklace.\u00a0 So, after a short encounter Nancy runs off leaving her car and stumbles into town.\u00a0 Telling the sheriff about the giant increases her reputation for being nuts.\u00a0 The sheriff tells his deputy to find Harry and tell him to bring Nancy home for a rest and a visit to the head shrinker.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile Harry is now ensconced with Honey and bribes the deputy to say he couldn\u2019t find him.\u00a0 Hearing Nancy\u2019s story from the deputy gets Harry and Honey thinking that their big chance to have Nancy permanently locked up in a rubber room is at hand.\u00a0 They celebrate by going to Honey\u2019s hotel room.<\/p>\n

Eventually Harry goes to claim Nancy at the sheriff\u2019s office.\u00a0 She nags at him until he agrees to go back for her car and see if her story is true.\u00a0 They find her car but the alien comes back.\u00a0 Harry fires a few rounds at the alien then bolts in fear.\u00a0 The alien catches Nancy and Harry drives off without her.\u00a0 Harry returns home and discovers that the alien has returned Nancy.\u00a0 She is lying unconscious on the roof of the pool house.\u00a0 She has scratches around her neck and her diamond is gone.\u00a0 Later on a doctor tells us that there are obvious signs of radioactivity.\u00a0 Science!<\/p>\n

Now the sheriff decides he must act.\u00a0 He and the deputy agree to go out to where her car was and prove that there was nothing strange going on.\u00a0 Unfortunately, when they find her car they also find the space ship.\u00a0 The sheriff and the deputy go inside the space ship.\u00a0 Here they walk through a few rooms that seem to be sized for normal humans.\u00a0 And so, we have to ask ourselves how exactly does this giant fit in this space craft?\u00a0 In rough dimensions it appears that he would have to be curled into a fetal position just to fit into the diameter of the ship.\u00a0 And that is supposing that it was completely hollow.\u00a0 How would that allow these walls and floors to exist?\u00a0 And thus, my theory that the writer was a congenital idiot.<\/p>\n

In one room they find a bunch of diamonds.\u00a0 Nancy\u2019s diamond is there.\u00a0 They theorize on the scientific reasons why the giant wants diamonds.\u00a0 Science!\u00a0 When the giant returns they battle him with a pistol and a shot gun.\u00a0 I think I remember they blow either him or his space ship up with the shot gun.\u00a0 But I\u2019m not sure.\u00a0 I think I was starting to lose interest at this point.<\/p>\n

Doctors are summoned and Nancy is sedated.\u00a0 Harry plots putting poison in her IV drip but before he has a chance to she becomes a fifty-foot woman.\u00a0 Of course, all we see is her giant hand inside a room in the house.\u00a0 Eventually she goes berserk and breaks through the roof of the house and goes on a rampage looking for Harry.\u00a0 Now she is dressed in an impromptu fifty-foot brassiere and mini-skirt supposedly fashioned out of bed sheets.\u00a0 And all things considered she looks pretty good!\u00a0 At this point I reflected on the comparison between pretty and gigantic Nancy and normal sized but skanky looking Honey.\u00a0 Sure, the disparity in size might lead to marital difficulties but her huge size would guarantee that Harry would be pampered by his huge wife like some kind of rag doll, probably carried in her apron pocket and fed huge crumbs that collected on her clothes as she ate her huge meals.\u00a0 Well, enough of this random speculation.<\/p>\n

Nancy goes on a rampage through town looking for Harry.\u00a0 Finally she pulls the roof off of the diner and finds Harry and Honey cowering in a corner.\u00a0 Nancy crushes Honey and grabs Harry in one hand and walks away.\u00a0 Finally the sheriff fires his shotgun at Nancy and hits an electric substation which explodes and kills Nancy.\u00a0 And Harry is dead too, although it\u2019s uncertain if he dies from the explosion, the fall or from being crushed by a death spasm in his wife\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

I ask you, is there a more ridiculous movie?\u00a0 Some will point to \u201cPlan Nine From Outer Space\u201d as a paragon of bad movie making and there is much justice in that.\u00a0 But compare the budgets of these two movies.\u00a0 \u201cAttack of the Fifty Foot Woman\u201d had a budget of $80,000.\u00a0 Looking at Plan Nine it would surprise me if $500 was expended.\u00a0 Unless you can claim that Plan Nine is one hundred and sixty times worse than Attack then you must admit that pound for pound, Plan Nine is a better movie.\u00a0 So, let\u2019s hail Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman as the movie that provided least for the money expended.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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(Reviewer\u2019s Note:\u00a0 I watched this movie almost three weeks ago and put it aside without finishing it because much better things were going on.\u00a0 Now<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[239,237,4,243],"tags":[43,38,44,265],"class_list":["post-2205","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movie-reviews","category-reviews","category-sff","category-sff-movie-reviews","tag-movie-review","tag-review","tag-sci-fi","tag-science-fiction"],"yoast_head":"\nAttack of the Fifty Foot Woman \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/02\/24\/attack-of-the-fifty-foot-woman-a-science-fiction-movie-review\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman \u2013 A Science Fiction Movie Review - 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