{"id":22058,"date":"2023-01-31T05:00:38","date_gmt":"2023-01-31T10:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=22058"},"modified":"2023-01-31T17:10:53","modified_gmt":"2023-01-31T22:10:53","slug":"dunwich-in-the-depths-of-a-non-winter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/31\/dunwich-in-the-depths-of-a-non-winter\/","title":{"rendered":"Dunwich in the Depths of a Non-Winter"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Swamp in Fall 2<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Here we are at the brink of February and Dunwich looks like early December.\u00a0 There\u2019s no snow cover and the ground is soggy with all the rainfall.\u00a0 There are serious consequences from this warm weather.\u00a0 Mange has broken out among various species.\u00a0 Werewolves, zombies and the Mi-Go (those winged fungoid crustacean creatures) have all been observed uncontrollably scratching themselves against tree trunks to relieve the itching.\u00a0 And the smell from these festering wounds has made the forested areas around the swamps almost unendurable for residents there.\u00a0 First Selectman Cthulhu complains that tourism is way off and he blames it on this blight.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I think it could be a result of the new advertising slogan they came up with.\u00a0 I mean, \u201cDunwich, smell the history\u201d might need some work.<\/p>\n

Luckily for me I took the precaution of planting the perimeter of my property with wolfsbane a year or two back and the only local inhabitant that hasn\u2019t fled is a shoggoth that lives under the rock overhang at the edge of the swamp.\u00a0 He\u2019s a really old and decrepit example of the species and he probably would have already succumbed to the infection if Camera Girl hadn\u2019t started putting out scraps for it to subsist on.<\/p>\n

As is her habit, she has sort of adopted it and calls it by a pet name, shoggy, which I find annoying.\u00a0 I\u2019ve explained many times that it is a loathsome man-eating nightmare, the very sight of which can shatter the sanity of any human being.\u00a0 She claims it just needs scratching under the chin (wherever that is), some warm blankets and leftover fried chicken to make it a \u201cboopa.\u201d\u00a0 Women are mostly insane.\u00a0 I\u2019ve resorted to poisoning the chicken but all that accomplished was to make it thirsty.\u00a0 It drank down the pond and swelled up to a hundred times its original size.\u00a0 It\u2019s about the size of a city block and about three hundred feet tall.\u00a0 It seems to have either the hiccups or some kind of rhythmic flatulence.<\/p>\n

Next Friday is supposed to be a quick freeze.\u00a0 Forecasts call for nighttime temperatures dipping down to minus fifteen Fahrenheit.\u00a0 I believe that after absorbing that much water the shoggoth will freeze solid overnight.\u00a0 My plan is to rent one of those construction vehicles with the industrial strength jack hammer attached to a robotic arm and use it to chop up the shoggoth into bite size chunks.\u00a0 I figure I can probably transport them to a fishing port and sell it as chum to the commercial fishermen.\u00a0 Anyway, that\u2019s the plan.<\/p>\n

With the cold weather coming I expect the more traditional winter activities to resume.\u00a0 Once Lake Bishop freezes the annual ice fishing derby will be announced and all experienced fishermen will partake in the night before drinking binge to shore up their nerve for the event.\u00a0 And whoever draws the short straw that morning will need every bit of that alcohol to get the nerve to make the run across the ice.\u00a0 After all, running across a half mile of open ice dressed as a giant \u201ckivver\u201d with the First Selectman coming after you from under the ice with only a ten second head start is pretty heady stuff.<\/p>\n

Last year Tanner Featherstone came within twenty feet of the shore and maybe three seconds of winning the contest and the $100 Amazon gift card.\u00a0 Not to mention keeping his life.\u00a0 It\u2019s this kind of town-spirit and bone-headed stupidity that keeps this amazing tradition going despite the unbroken history of failure and the terrifying sight of a man being eaten alive by a one-hundred-foot-tall squid-headed flying dragon.\u00a0 The screams and the sound of the crunching bones really makes you think.<\/p>\n

Well anyway.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to do some research on that whole jack hammer rental thing.\u00a0 Busy, busy, busy.\u00a0 I hope your winter is going well and I\u2019ll be back soon to describe what looks like an early spring and the return of the \u201ccolour out of space\u201d to the local foliage.\u00a0 Ah those unearthly colors.\u00a0 They make Dunwich the garden spot it is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here we are at the brink of February and Dunwich looks like early December.\u00a0 There\u2019s no snow cover and the ground is soggy with all<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,3366,1289,818,1263],"tags":[362,3341,3367,70,3859,3858],"class_list":["post-22058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-life-in-dunwich","category-fiction-by-me","category-ocf","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-cthulhu","tag-dunwich","tag-dunwich-complainer","tag-lovecraft","tag-mi-go","tag-shoggoth"],"yoast_head":"\nDunwich in the Depths of a Non-Winter - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/31\/dunwich-in-the-depths-of-a-non-winter\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dunwich in the Depths of a Non-Winter - 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