Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump \u2013 (PT); \u00a0Vice President Pence (VPP);<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 Front Entrance to the Vice-Presidential Residence Monday, 3 am.\u00a0 Three figures standing in the shadows.\u00a0 The middle figure rings the door-bell.<\/strong><\/p>\n VPP \u2013 (His loud, angry voice coming out of the front door intercom) \u2013 Who\u2019s ringing this bell at this hour.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have the Secret Service down there to arrest you, you crazy fool.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 (The middle figure now whispering into the intercom) \u2013 Shhhhh Mike!\u00a0 It\u2019s me and I\u2019m here with the Secret Service.\u00a0 Now let us in!<\/p>\n Scene 2 \u2013 Immediately afterward in the front foyer of the VP Residence.\u00a0 President Trump and Vice President Pence facing each other with four Secret Service Agent forming a perimeter around them.\u00a0 Both VPP and PT are in pajamas and robes.<\/strong><\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Mr. President, has there been an attack or a disaster.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Both.\u00a0 Mrs. Trump watched the Stormy Daniels show on tv and attacked me.\u00a0 It was a disaster.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 But why are you here at this unnatural hour.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well I couldn\u2019t stay there.\u00a0 She keeps taking shots at the family jewels.\u00a0 That body armor I\u2019m wearing doesn\u2019t do a damn thing for groin shots.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 But what can I do about that?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Mike I need to use your guest bedroom for a while.\u00a0 And I need you help.\u00a0 She\u2019s really mad!<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Mr President, it\u2019s just that Mrs. Pence is not one of your bigger fans.\u00a0 She thinks you\u2019re a bad influence.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Boy, that seems judgmental.\u00a0 I mean, I never said anything bad about her.\u00a0 Well I can be the bigger man.\u00a0 But look Mike, you owe me this.\u00a0 If it wasn\u2019t for me you wouldn\u2019t be the second most powerful man in the world.\u00a0 You\u2019d still be the governor of Oklahoma.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Indiana.\u00a0 For Pete\u2019s sake I was the governor of Indiana.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Indiana, right, right that\u2019s right.\u00a0 Sorry, yes.\u00a0 But come on Mike, you gotta help me out.\u00a0 I need some time to figure out a plan.\u00a0 Maybe a present or a vacation.\u00a0 Something to give her a chance to cool down.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Alright Mr. President.\u00a0 Come on in.\u00a0 The Secret Service will set you up in the guest room.\u00a0 I\u2019ll see you at breakfast.\u00a0 Good night.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Thanks Mike.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget you for this.\u00a0 Good night.<\/p>\n Scene 3 \u2013 Vice Presidential Residence Dining Room, 9 am, same personnel.<\/strong><\/p>\n PT – \u00a0Boy, Mike, the eggs are pretty crummy here.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 I don\u2019t know Mr. President, I\u2019ve always thought MY WIFE<\/strong> makes a very nice breakfast!\u00a0 And by the way, my wife is still talking to me.\u00a0 If you get my meaning.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 That\u2019s what I said.\u00a0 These eggs are really YUMMY!<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right I said yummy.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 That\u2019s what I hoped you said.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 And what a lovely woman Mrs. Pence is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always thought she was the best.\u00a0 Yes sir, I did.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Thank you sir.\u00a0 Now what is your plan?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well, I tossed and turned all night and came up with three different plans.\u00a0 I\u2019ll present them and you tell me which one sounds best.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Very good sir.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Okay.\u00a0 So my first idea is amnesia.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Amnesia?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Amnesia, yeah.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 But how?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Whaddya mean?<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Well how did you get amnesia and how did it end up causing you to have sex with a porn actress?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well, it could have happened in any number of ways.\u00a0 Do I have to spell it out for you?<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 I don\u2019t think it\u2019s me you\u2019re going to have to spell it out to.\u00a0 But if you really propose using an amnesia defense I think there better be more than just the word amnesia.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Fine.\u00a0 Ahhhhhh, so something like this.\u00a0 I was walking down Park Avenue near Trump Tower when a small child came out of nowhere and ran into traffic.\u00a0 I hurtled over pedestrians and snatched up the infant out of the street just as a taxi was streaking by.\u00a0 I leaped back to curb and deposited the newborn in its mother\u2019s arms.\u00a0 But by a horrible stroke of bad luck a brick broke loose from the building fa\u00e7ade and struck me on the head.\u00a0 My thick vibrant head of hair blunted the death blow but I was rendered amnesiac.\u00a0 I forgot that I was currently married and just at that moment a passing bus with a Victoria\u2019s Secret ad caught my eye.\u00a0 And the rest was fate.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Vibrant?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Too much detail?<\/p>\n