{"id":2490,"date":"2018-03-29T21:43:27","date_gmt":"2018-03-30T01:43:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2490"},"modified":"2018-03-29T21:43:27","modified_gmt":"2018-03-30T01:43:27","slug":"trump-vs-the-hell-storm-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/29\/trump-vs-the-hell-storm-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs the Hell Storm (Part 3)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs the Hell Storm (Part 2)<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT), Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP), Melania Trump \u2013 (MT), Jay Leno \u2013 (JL)<\/p>\n

Scene 1 \u2013 Air Force One \u2013 Midway between Washington and Los Angeles.\u00a0 President Trump and Vice President Pence.\u00a0 Thursday 2pm EDT.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Mike, it\u2019s go time.\u00a0 The First Lady has left the White House and the Secret Service says she\u2019s going to see a divorce attorney and a really good one too.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Mr. President, I don\u2019t see what you can do now.\u00a0 You\u2019ll just have to let events take their course.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 No mike, no. \u00a0I must win her back.\u00a0 It would be a crushing blow for the country if I was humiliated in this way.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Really!\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019re worried about?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Of course, my oath of office is a sacred duty.\u00a0 Surely you understand this.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Ahhh.\u00a0 Okay sure.\u00a0 Look Mr. President, my advice doesn\u2019t seem to be working for you.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s true Mike.\u00a0 So far, you\u2019re batting zero.\u00a0 But you\u2019re very holy and I think you can pull something out of the air for me.\u00a0 What do you know about holy forgiveness stuff.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Well, I remember from theology class that in the Middle Ages Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV knelt in the snow for three days to get forgiveness from Pope Gregory VII.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Did it work.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Yes, it did.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 But Melania\u2019s not the Pope.\u00a0 She\u2019s a million times hotter looking than the Pope.\u00a0 And that\u2019s not a homophobic thing either, it\u2019s just obvious.\u00a0 So, I don\u2019t think the snow thing is the right angle.\u00a0 But I can work with this.\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do an Emperor Henry a la Trump.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 I\u2019m sort of afraid to ask how that would look.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got this whole thing scoped out.\u00a0 What I need you to do is get the Secret Service to locate these individuals and bring them to Las Vegas.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Wouldn\u2019t that be kidnapping.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Nonsense they\u2019re all patriotic Americans and will do anything they can to save the country from crippling depression.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Actually I think these two are Britons.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Close enough.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 2 \u2013 Same Day 8pm PDT \u2013 Las Vegas, Nevada \u2013 Main concert hall of the Trump Casino. The stage is filled with television camera equipment and set up as a bad imitation of the old Jay Leno Tonight Show stage.\u00a0 Sitting in his usual position is Jay Leno (noticeably dressed for auto maintenance) and opposite him on the couch is President Trump in a late 1970s powder blue disco outfit with platform heels and a very large orange afro wig.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 And we\u2019re back?\u00a0 Mr. President, I seem to have been kidnapped by the Secret Service.\u00a0 Could you please fill me in on why exactly that is?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Jay, that is completely fake news.\u00a0 You have been enlisted in a very important cause.\u00a0 We live in a very polarized country and only you Jay Leno have the moral authority necessary to broker an honest deal for me.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Well that\u2019s extremely flattering Mr. President but I\u2019m just a comedian.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t know how to bring the American and North Korean peoples together on the road to peace.\u00a0 That\u2019s for ambassadors and statesmen.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 What are you talking about?\u00a0 I need you to help me apologize to Mrs. Trump for the porn sex thing.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Oh, sure, sure.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been in Hollywood and Las Vegas for decades.\u00a0 That stuff is old hat.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Don\u2019t fool yourself Jay.\u00a0 At heart Melania is an old-fashioned girl.\u00a0 She\u2019s gonna need something special to be won back.\u00a0 I\u2019m pulling out all the stops and I\u2019ll need you on your A-Game.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 You can depend on me Mr. President.\u00a0 True love is the greatest force in the world, I think.\u00a0 Either that or nitro afterburners.\u00a0 They\u2019re powerful too.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Focus Jay.\u00a0 I\u2019m about to perform a miracle not seen since the 11th<\/sup> century, an Emperor Henry.\u00a0 Just read the cue cards I\u2019ve provided and I\u2019ll do the rest.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 And welcome back to this special broadcast of the Jay Leno show coming live to you from beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada.\u00a0 Apparently, I\u2019m your host tonight Jay Leno and we\u2019ll be talking to President Trump about some pretty important but personal matters.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s right Jay.\u00a0 I, your President, am able to handle any number of impossible tasks flawlessly and simultaneously all while battling the fake news networks and the treasonous actions of the Deep State and the evil Democrats.\u00a0 But even a man as amazing and wonderful as me sometimes makes a small error.\u00a0 Now I won\u2019t go into details because they are only important to one person, the First Lady, but because I need this message to reach her wherever she is I\u2019ve activated the Emergency Broadcast Service to pre-empt all other television and reach out to her.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 That\u2019s truly frightening Mr. President.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Shut up Jay and read your cards.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Sorry.\u00a0 So, Mr. President, is there any significance to your outfit?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yes Jay.\u00a0 This outfit represents the garb we wore back in 1977.\u00a0 That is the time when the top song in the country was \u201cBaby Come Back\u201d by Player.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve assembled the surviving band members and reunited them here to play their classic hit for Mrs. Trump.\u00a0 And I know once she hears the lyrics and sees my Emperor Henry she\u2019ll realize how important for the country her forgiveness is.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 You know, that almost makes sense.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Shut up Jay and introduce the band.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Sorry.\u00a0 And now coming to you direct from a triumphal comeback tour of Princess Cruise Lines Caribbean Delight Program, here they are \u201cPlayer.\u201d<\/p>\n

(several fairly geriatric musicians begin to play a subdued version of Baby Come Back while President Trump adds his own stylings and some disco moves).<\/p>\n

Spending all my nights<\/em><\/p>\n

All my money going out on the town<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 And that\u2019s a lot of money all right.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Doing anything just to get you off of my mind<\/em><\/p>\n

But when the morning comes<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m right back where I started again<\/em><\/p>\n

Trying to forget you is just a waste of time<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see<\/em><\/p>\n

There was something in everything about you<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s right Schmoopey, you can blame it all on me.\u00a0 I\u2019m strong and can take it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you<\/em><\/p>\n

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado<\/em><\/p>\n

Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear<\/em><\/p>\n

But as the sun goes down<\/em><\/p>\n

I get that empty feeling again<\/em><\/p>\n

How I wish to God that you were here<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s right God wants us back together and he knows best.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see<\/em><\/p>\n

There was something in everything about you<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me<\/em><\/p>\n

I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you<\/em><\/p>\n

Now that I put it all together<\/em><\/p>\n

Give me the chance to make you see<\/em><\/p>\n

Have you used up all the love in your heart<\/em><\/p>\n

Nothing left for me<\/em><\/p>\n

Ain’t there nothing left for me<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Very, very little left for me.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see<\/em><\/p>\n

There was something in everything about you<\/em><\/p>\n

Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me<\/em><\/p>\n

I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you<\/em><\/p>\n

I was wrong, and I just can’t live<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Wrong, very wrong, just can\u2019t live without you Schmoopey.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

(President Trump returns to the couch as the song ends)<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Well I\u2019ll have to say Mr. President, I\u2019ve never seen or heard anything like that in my life.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yes Jay, love conquers all.<\/p>\n

(the phone rings and the First Lady\u2019s voice is heard over a speaker).<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 Schmoopey, I saw your song and dance.\u00a0 I know it was from your heart.\u00a0 Nothing else could explain it.\u00a0 I feel my love returning.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Schmoopey, I am so happy.\u00a0 Is all forgiven?<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 It will be when you send me the Hope Diamond and a picture of the \u2018ho with two black eyes.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Done and done.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have my jeweler and the Secret Service get to work on both those items within the hour.<\/p>\n

(the phone call and the television broadcast both finish)<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 Well Mr. President, that was actually quite impressive.\u00a0 I guess there isn\u2019t anything that the power of the US government can\u2019t do.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Not really.\u00a0 I was originally trying to get Elton John to sing \u201cSorry Seems to Be the Saddest Word,\u201d but he refused.\u00a0 He was still mad about a crack I made about his hair.<\/p>\n

JL \u2013 You made a joke about his hair?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Shut up Jay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs the Hell Storm (Part 2)   Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT), Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP), Melania Trump \u2013 (MT), Jay Leno<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[900,652,372,653,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-2490","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-jay-leno","tag-melania-trump","tag-mike-pence","tag-stormy-daniels","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs the Hell Storm (Part 3) - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/29\/trump-vs-the-hell-storm-part-3\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs the Hell Storm (Part 3) - 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