Dramatis Personae:\u00a0 President Trump \u2013 (PT); Jeff Sessions (JS); Mark Zuckerberg (MZ); Larry Page \u2013 (LP); Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway \u2013 (LDH);\u00a0 Rochelle “Silk” Richardson \u2013 (RSR);<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 White House West Wing, Monday 8 am.\u00a0 Inside the Oval Office President Trump is at his desk and his receptionist is speaking over the intercom<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What is it Patty, you know I don\u2019t like to be disturbed while reading Orion\u2019s Cold Fire at breakfast.\u00a0 I find his blend of good natured Trump ribbing and incisive political analysis is just the thing to start my day off great.<\/p>\n
(voice over intercom) \u2013 I\u2019m sorry Mr. President but I\u2019ve got Diamond and Silk on the line and they\u2019re very upset.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Put them through Patty, I\u2019ll set this straight right now.<\/p>\n
LDH \u2013 Are you there President Donald Trump?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I am Diamond.<\/p>\n
RSR \u2013 Hello President Donald Trump.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Hello Silk.\u00a0 It is so good to hear from both of you.<\/p>\n
LDH \u2013 Well we wish it was a happier occasion Mr. President but we are calling to ask for your help.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What has gotten you two upset?<\/p>\n
RSR \u2013 Mr. President, it\u2019s that Facebook nerd, that Zuckerberg.\u00a0 He\u2019s rippin us off.<\/p>\n
LDH \u2013 Yeah, he shut down our site.\u00a0 And that other weasel Larry Page from Google shut down our YouTubes on \u201cThe Viewers View.\u201d\u00a0 We are losing substantial coin.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Diamond and Silk, this is an outrage.\u00a0 Why would they do this?<\/p>\n
RSR \u2013 They said that we are \u201cUnsafe to Community\u201d and that the shutdown is irrevocable.<\/p>\n
LDH \u2013 Mr. President we know they are doing this to get at you.\u00a0 Please help us.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Diamond and Silk, do not worry.\u00a0 This outrage will not stand.<\/p>\n
RSR \u2013 Thank you Mr. President, you truly are the greatest President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Yes, Silk I truly am.\u00a0 Now, I\u2019ll be in touch with news very soon.\u00a0 And don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 The full power of the United States government and all its employees will be working on nothing else but this problem until it is solved.<\/p>\n
LDH & RSR \u2013 Thanks you President Trump. (hang up).<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 (President Trump hits a button on his phone and starts to talk) \u2013 Sessions get up here right now.\u00a0 And don\u2019t give me any of that crap about cleaning out the FBI.\u00a0 A snail would cover more ground than you have.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 2 \u2013 Later that same day.\u00a0 White House audio-visual studio.\u00a0 President Trump is standing in front of two teleconferencing screens with images of Mark Zuckerberg and Larry Page visible.\u00a0 Jeff Sessions standing to the side.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Zuckerberg, Page, I want to know why you two idiots are harassing those two women.\u00a0 Surely you internet geniuses have better things to do than persecute a couple of African American sisters from North Carolina.<\/p>\n
MZ \u2013 Donald, the suspension is irrevocable.\u00a0 An algorithm made the decision and as you know computers are never wrong. (disappears from the screen)<\/p>\n
LP \u2013 Donald, the kind of hate speech that they employ is too hurtful to ever appear on YouTube.\u00a0 We cannot be swayed.\u00a0 Have a googley good day. (also breaks the connection).<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 (mumbling under his breath) Donald, huh.<\/p>\n
JS \u2013 How would you like to proceed Mr. President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Get the warrants and set up the live stream for 8pm tonight.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 3 \u2013 8pm that night.\u00a0 White House audio-visual studio.\u00a0 President Trump is sitting behind a desk.\u00a0 Television equipment is set up.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Hello everyone on the World Wide Web I interrupt your porn viewing for a very important message.\u00a0 Earlier this evening agents of the Justice Department, the honest ones that is, under a court order shut down Facebook, Twitter and Google.\u00a0 An investigation concluded that they were in violation of anti-discrimination against women and African Americans.\u00a0 Of course, they were also discriminating against millions of straight white men too but, of course, that\u2019s legal.<\/p>\n
After signing off on a consent decree these companies will be re-opened.\u00a0 And to make sure things don\u2019t get off on the wrong foot I\u2019ve had the Justice Department make some changes to their Boards of Directors. I\u2019ve reduced their other members and added Diamond, Silk and James Damore to each of the boards.\u00a0 We anticipate no more problems going forward.\u00a0 Okay, that\u2019s all.\u00a0 You can go back to your porn you losers.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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