{"id":26761,"date":"2023-12-13T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-13T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=26761"},"modified":"2023-12-12T22:41:42","modified_gmt":"2023-12-13T03:41:42","slug":"morning-shmoe-vs-the-biden-boondoggle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2023\/12\/13\/morning-shmoe-vs-the-biden-boondoggle\/","title":{"rendered":"Morning Shmoe vs. The Biden Boondoggle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed (MS), Lycra Spandexy (LS), Joe Biden (JB),<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

MS \u2013 It\u2019s 19 minutes and ten to minus 23rd seconds past the quarter hour here on the Morning Shmoe Show.\u00a0 I’m\u00a0 Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed and I\u2019m here with my lovely bride Lycra Spandexy-Browfurrowed and we\u2019re talking about the mouth breathing lowlifes out there on the Right who dare to claim that Joe Biden isn’t way ahead in the polls.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 That\u2019s right Shmoe, you tell\u2019em.\u00a0 Get up in their grill!<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 I will dear, if you just let me finish my thought.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Certainly darling.\u00a0 I was just trying to add emphasis for emphasis.\u00a0 Okay?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Okay.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Okay.<\/p>\n

Shmoe gives an involuntary shudder.<\/strong><\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Where was I?\u00a0 Oh yes.\u00a0 Some fly by night polling outfit calling itself Gallup, and boy that sounds like a made up name to me, claims that jailbird Trump is ahead of President Joe Biden nationally by ten points and ahead of him by significant margins in almost all of the critical swing states.\u00a0 This is obviously propaganda meant to undermine the confidence of the American people in advance of the upcoming 2024 election.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Boo!\u00a0 Boo!!\u00a0 Hiss!! Hiss!!<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 (Staring menacingly) Are you done?<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oops, sorry.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 (under his breath) Give me strength<\/em>.\u00a0 Anyway we’ve got President Joe Biden on a video chat and we’d like to have him clear the air about these phony polls.<\/p>\n

A monitor behind the hosts projects the enormous image of the octogenarian politician which they turn to face.<\/strong><\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Hello Mr. President.\u00a0 How are you today sir?<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 Hi Shmoe, I’m pretty good.\u00a0 I ate a little too much ice cream this morning so I’m trying to stay close to the bathroom for the next couple of hours.\u00a0 Purely as a precaution mind you.\u00a0 But otherwise I’m doing swell.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Hi Mr. President.\u00a0 I hope you feel better!<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 Thanks Lycra.\u00a0 My you’re looking cute as a button.\u00a0 I wish I could smell that shampoo I sent you.\u00a0 Mango papaya coconut dream is my favorite.\u00a0 Maybe you could come over later for a sniff.\u00a0 Boy you look good enough to bite!\u00a0 Grrrr.\u00a0 You remind me of a girl I knew back when I was a lifeguard.\u00a0 She was pretty as a button too.\u00a0 Back then they didn’t have the fruit scented shampoos like they have today.\u00a0 But she smelled good too.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh Mr. President, how exciting that sounds.\u00a0 Maybe some other time.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Ahem!\u00a0 As wonderful as that would be, we’re in New York and you’re in Washington so maybe we could just move along with our interview?<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 C’mon man!\u00a0 I was just being friendly.\u00a0 Sure sure.\u00a0 Let’s move on.\u00a0 What can I tell you?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Well, Mr. President, we wanted your thought about that erroneous report circulating this morning.<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 Those are damned lies.\u00a0 I never took any money from the Chinese or the Ukrainians.\u00a0 No way.\u00a0 Now the Russians, well maybe.\u00a0 But why shouldn’t I take their money?\u00a0 We don’t like them right?\u00a0 That would be patriotic.\u00a0 And anyway, they can never prove it.\u00a0 I had the CIA scrub that stuff six ways to Sunday.\u00a0 And I spent all of it on that weekend at Hunter’s place.\u00a0 So, no way they’ve got anything on me.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Uhhhh.\u00a0 No, we don’t want to talk about that.\u00a0 I’m talking about the polls.\u00a0 The ones that say Donald Trump is in the lead.<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 Who?\u00a0 That dog-faced pony soldier?\u00a0 No way, no how.\u00a0 We fixed his wagon.\u00a0 You see I spoke to my old buddy Hatrack Barabbas, that sort of mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, and he told me that as long as Trump is only ahead by anything less than two million votes we can grind that out with fake absentee ballots over the course of a couple of days after election day.\u00a0 So no problem.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Mr. President, we’re live on the air right now.<\/p>\n

JB \u2013 Why you stupid son of a …<\/p>\n

Suddenly the feed disappeared from the monitor and was replaced by a stock photo of the White House with the word, “oops” across the screen.<\/strong><\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Obviously the President was just demonstrating his puckish sense of humor.\u00a0 There is nothing “fake” about absentee ballots and anyone who claims that is obviously a stooge for Trump and Putin.\u00a0 But what President Biden was implying was that reliable pollsters have assured him and us that 2024 will be another amazing election year for Joe Biden.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh, Shmoe isn’t it exciting.\u00a0 Joey, I mean President Biden, on election night smiling with his bright, bright teeth and his aviator shades, sniffing my hair and calling me cute as a button.\u00a0 You never say I’m cute as a button anymore.<\/p>\n

Shmoe removes his earpiece and hurls it at Lycra and walks off the set.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed (MS), Lycra Spandexy (LS), Joe Biden (JB),   MS \u2013 It\u2019s 19 minutes and ten to minus 23rd seconds past<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2945,5,288],"tags":[3193,3109,3108,179,178,180],"class_list":["post-26761","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biden-humor","category-current-events","category-humor","tag-biden-humor","tag-hatrack-barabbas","tag-joe-burden","tag-lycra-spandexy","tag-morning-shmoe","tag-shmoe-browfurrowed"],"yoast_head":"\nMorning Shmoe vs. The Biden Boondoggle - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2023\/12\/13\/morning-shmoe-vs-the-biden-boondoggle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Morning Shmoe vs. The Biden Boondoggle - 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