{"id":26807,"date":"2023-12-18T05:00:21","date_gmt":"2023-12-18T10:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=26807"},"modified":"2023-12-18T06:27:58","modified_gmt":"2023-12-18T11:27:58","slug":"a-biden-carol-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2023\/12\/18\/a-biden-carol-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"A Biden Carol (Part 1)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1 \u2013 The Oval Office<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n

GLAAD<\/strong> \u2013 Have I the honor of addressing Mr. Biden or Mr. Epstein?<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Mr. Epstein has been dead these seven years.\u00a0 In fact, he hanged himself in prison exactly seven years ago this very night.<\/p>\n

GLAAD<\/strong> \u2013 That\u2019s not how I heard it happened.\u00a0 Anyway, I\u2019m sure his generosity is well represented by his surviving partner.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 What do you want; you dog faced pony soldiers?!<\/p>\n

GLAAD<\/strong> \u2013 At this festive time of the year it is more than usually desirable that we make some slight provision for the drag queens and other weirdos that have fallen on hard times.\u00a0 Thousands are in need of necessities like eye-liner and mascara.\u00a0 Hundreds of thousands are in want of holiday cheer like amyl nitrate and ketamine.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Are there no libraries, are there no grammar schools?<\/p>\n

GLAAD<\/strong> \u2013 Plenty of libraries and schools, but those gigs have become difficult to book because of Moms for Liberty.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Look I haven\u2019t got time to waste on you losers.\u00a0 Romney, you cretin!\u00a0 Get out of your hole Mitt and throw these losers out.\u00a0 I have business to attend to and if I see these deadbeats in here again, I\u2019ll know that I no longer need your services and you\u2019ll be shipped back to Utah.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m headed home so don\u2019t close up until you\u2019ve foreclosed on the homes of all the widows on that list, I gave you.<\/p>\n

Mitt Romney<\/strong> \u2013 Yes, Mr. Biden.\u00a0 Come this way gentlemen.\u00a0 Mr. Biden is very busy.<\/p>\n

(Exit)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Scene 2 \u2013 White House Residence<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 All right, have you loaded up my Beta Max with all those vintage 1980s porn classics?\u00a0 Dr. Jill is out of town this week and I want to do some research.<\/p>\n

Secret Service Agent<\/strong> \u2013 Yes, Mr. President.\u00a0 Your whole disgusting list for the weekend has been filled and we\u2019ve cordoned off your residence to prevent \u201cproblems.\u201d<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Good, all of you can get lost.\u00a0 I\u2019ll use my life alert if I need you.\u00a0 Now scram.<\/p>\n

(Exit)<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Now that\u2019s more like it!\u00a0 Let me get a big bowl of ice cream and let the party begin!<\/p>\n

Suddenly a fissure opens up in the floor and flames shoot up and a bloody mess slowly stumbles into the room.\u00a0 He\u2019s festooned with what looks like smoking coils of some kind of hose.\u00a0 He is shrieking and moaning pathetically and approaches Biden.<\/em><\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Holy smoke, who the hell are you?<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 Ask me who I was.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Okay, okay, you awful mess.\u00a0 Who were you.<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 In life I was your partner, Jeffrey Epstein.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Epsy, what the hell happened to you?<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 Two guesses.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Why are you wrapped up in that burning hose?<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 Those are my prolapsed intestines.\u00a0 They\u2019re filled with boiling oil.\u00a0 When it starts to cool, they drain it off and refill it again.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Wow!\u00a0 That\u2019s not good.<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein \u2013 Yeah, but wait\u2019ll you hear what they have cooked up for you.<\/p>\n

Biden \u2013 <\/strong>Me?\u00a0 But I haven\u2019t done anything.\u00a0 I\u2019m the President of the United States.\u00a0 I help people all day long.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going there!<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein <\/strong>\u2013 Yeah, yeah, Joey.\u00a0 It\u2019s me you\u2019re talking to.\u00a0 They know about everything down there.\u00a0 The showers with your daughter, the trips to the island.\u00a0 Don\u2019t kid yourself.\u00a0 You\u2019re gonna get the deluxe treatment.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 But Epsy, don\u2019t you have any good news?\u00a0 Are you here to tell me about a way out?\u00a0 You know like the three ghosts?<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 The only ghost here is the ghost of a chance that you ain\u2019t got.\u00a0 The boss sent me to rub it in a little.\u00a0 And I came because I will miss the hot sulfuric acid shower hour.\u00a0 You\u2019ve gotta take what you can get.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 But what will I do?<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 My advice is to try to make whatever amends you can and lighten the sentence however you can.\u00a0 Confession would help quite a bit.<\/p>\n

Biden<\/strong> \u2013 Confess?\u00a0 But there\u2019s an election coming up.<\/p>\n

Jeffrey Epstein<\/strong> \u2013 Oh forget it.\u00a0 Just do what you\u2019re doing.\u00a0 At least it\u2019ll take some of the heat off of me.\u00a0 Goodbye Joey you dope.\u00a0 See you in the showers.<\/p>\n

Exit into the flaming crevasse followed by the fissure closing up.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene 1 \u2013 The Oval Office GLAAD \u2013 Have I the honor of addressing Mr. Biden or Mr. Epstein? 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