{"id":27805,"date":"2024-03-02T05:00:39","date_gmt":"2024-03-02T10:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=27805"},"modified":"2024-03-01T19:42:03","modified_gmt":"2024-03-02T00:42:03","slug":"nikki-haley-and-joe-scarborough-agree-on-trump","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/03\/02\/nikki-haley-and-joe-scarborough-agree-on-trump\/","title":{"rendered":"Nikki Haley and Joe Scarborough Agree on Trump"},"content":{"rendered":"

What would Nikki Haley and Joe Scarborough have in common?\u00a0 Well, they\u2019re both in a panic that Americans might re-elect Donald Trump President of the United States of America.\u00a0 Here are their latest statements as headlines in today\u2019s new reports:<\/p>\n

Haley: Nominating Trump Means \u2018Suicide for Our Country<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Scarborough: “How Stupid Would You Have to Be” To Vote for Trump<\/a>?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Apparently, we would have to be so stupid that we would be willing to commit suicide by nominating Donald Trump for Republican candidate for President.<\/p>\n

Well, thank our lucky stars that we have Nikki Haley and Joe Scarborough, two of the most extreme conservatives out there to alert us to our danger.\u00a0 And that is a relief because suicide is bad.\u00a0 Very bad<\/strong>.\u00a0 After suicide there really isn\u2019t much upside left.\u00a0 Of course, I\u2019m not exactly sure what it looks like when a nation of 273 million people commits suicide all at once.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a lot of corpses.\u00a0 And if we\u2019re all dead who buries the bodies.\u00a0 And it will have to be burial.\u00a0 The cremation of 273 million people would be an awful lot of carbon dioxide released all at once.\u00a0 The Canadians are even more strict than Biden about CO2<\/sub> so if they\u2019re going to be stuck disposing of their neighbors\u2019 bodies, they\u2019re not going to burn them.\u00a0 So, I guess it\u2019ll be burial.\u00a0 Or maybe composting.\u00a0 That\u2019s kind of green.\u00a0 Maybe they\u2019ll do that.<\/p>\n

Now I wonder if the suicide will occur immediately after the Republican Convention nominates him.\u00a0 That\u2019s on July 18th<\/sup> so I had better take my summer vacation before that.\u00a0 And probably around the Fourth of July I\u2019ll probably buy an expensive sports car and a diamond tennis bracelet for Camera Girl.\u00a0 The first payment will come due in August.\u00a0 Hah!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I guess I better start figuring out how I want to commit suicide.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never really given it enough thought.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of complicated.\u00a0 If I were Canadian (Canada again!) I could get some help from the government.\u00a0 I hear they\u2019re always willing to lend a helping hand when someone wants to off himself.<\/p>\n

I read somewhere that if you drink too much water, like ten gallons or so, your electrolyte levels in your blood get too low and your heart will stop.\u00a0 That sounds pretty painless but I\u2019d have to spend my last hours on Earth in the bathroom urinating and that doesn\u2019t sound very dignified.<\/p>\n

Maybe pills.\u00a0 Currently I know we have a lot of heartworm medicine for the dogs.\u00a0 Could I do myself in with those?\u00a0 Nah, I\u2019d just end up dewormed.<\/p>\n

Maybe I could get like ten COVID vaccine boosters all in one day.\u00a0 That would probably kill anyone.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t like needles.<\/p>\n

I have heard of the \u201cdeath by a thousand cuts.\u201d\u00a0 Hopefully paper cuts count.\u00a0 Over the course of my career around the office I must be in the high nine hundreds by now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll buy myself a ream of really sharp paper and begin playing around with it.\u00a0 I\u2019m bound to reach my goal in a day or two.\u00a0 And as a man who spends a lot of his time writing down words, death by paper seems a fitting end.<\/p>\n

I guess all that remains is for me to figure out my epitaph.\u00a0 \u201cHe died with his boots on?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cStranger, go tell the Spartans?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cTippecanoe and Tyler too?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHaste makes waste?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cDammit, I\u2019ll take the garbage out later?\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Nothing grabs me.<\/p>\n

You know this whole thing is more complicated than I thought.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry Nikki, Joe.\u00a0 I may have to put off this whole suicide thing for a while.\u00a0 If it\u2019s all the same with you maybe we can nominate Donald Trump and somehow keep breathing for a short while.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t mind.\u00a0 But feel free yourselves to drop dead.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think anyone will really care that much.\u00a0 I know I won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Look, who does Nikki Haley think she\u2019s kidding?\u00a0 Regardless of whether Trump succeeds in fixing our government or not he\u2019s the lone possibility of it.\u00a0 Nikki Haley, at best would be Jeb Bush in a skirt.\u00a0 At worst, she\u2019d be the new Hillary Clinton putting the deplorables in their place.\u00a0 Nope, I\u2019ll take my chances with Trump.\u00a0 At least he hates the same people I do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What would Nikki Haley and Joe Scarborough have in common?\u00a0 Well, they\u2019re both in a panic that Americans might re-elect Donald Trump President of the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[3344,4441,4256,16],"class_list":["post-27805","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-trump","tag-2024-elections","tag-joe-scarborough","tag-nikki-haley","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nNikki Haley and Joe Scarborough Agree on Trump - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/03\/02\/nikki-haley-and-joe-scarborough-agree-on-trump\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nikki Haley and Joe Scarborough Agree on Trump - 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