Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP); Sean Hannity \u2013 (SH); Charlie Rose \u2013 (CR); Matt Lauer \u2013 (ML); Harvey Weinstein \u2013 (HW); Tom Brokaw \u2013 (TB)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 1- 8am White House West Wing; Oval Office<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike.\u00a0 Mike.\u00a0 PENCE!!!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Right here Mr. President.\u00a0 What seems to be the problem now?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I\u2019ve got a text message from Sean Hannity saying the fake news boys want to have a secret conference with me.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 That seems fairly unusual.\u00a0 I\u2019d suspect some kind of trap.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 You\u2019re too suspicious Mike.\u00a0 But if I do have them here I\u2019ll make sure the Secret Service uses cavity searches and their new cosmic ray scan.\u00a0 That should fry any electronics they\u2019re hiding and their brains and gonads.\u00a0 But since they have neither there shouldn\u2019t be a problem.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Very prudent sir.\u00a0 But please show particular restraint in what you say.\u00a0 They are not your friends.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Duh.\u00a0 Set up the White House bunker and go over the details with Hannity.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a movie date with the First Lady.\u00a0 We\u2019re getting an advance screening of Deadpool 2.\u00a0 It\u2019s gonna be epic.\u00a0 I\u2019m gonna wear my costume.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Oh good.<\/p>\n
Scene 2 \u2013 10 pm, White House bunker;\u00a0 A room half full of journalists and the President entering with his Secret Service Detail.<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 Thanks for taking time out for these Media celebrities Mr President.\u00a0 They were very anxious to meet with you.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Sean, what the hell are you talking about?\u00a0 These aren\u2019t celebrities.\u00a0 They\u2019re disgraced losers.\u00a0 Just look at them.\u00a0 They\u2019re all wearing track suits and I don\u2019t think any of them has showered this month.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m feeling bad for the Secret Service guys who had to administer the cavity searches.<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 In many ways you are right but please hear them out.\u00a0 They\u2019ve really suffered a lot and they need your help.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Sean, you\u2019re really starting to slip.\u00a0 Well tell them to make it snappy.\u00a0 I have to have the Deadpool 2 disc back in three hours and I want to watch it again.<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 Yes, Mr. President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Alright Brokaw, what do you want?<\/p>\n
TB \u2013 Mr. President, don\u2019t you think it\u2019s unjust for a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist such as myself to be hounded from the newsroom by the #metoo movement while a proven philanderer and solicitor of prostitutes such as yourself is allowed to keep the highest office in the land and wield the almost god-like power of the nuclear button?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 No!\u00a0 Next.<\/p>\n
TB \u2013 Hey, you can\u2019t \u2026<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Toss him on the street and don\u2019t be gentle.\u00a0 (Brokaw is noisily manhandled out of the room by the Secret Service)<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Next.\u00a0 Alright Charlie Rose, what\u2019s your story?<\/p>\n
CR \u2013 Mr. President. If you\u2019ll make a few phone calls and set up a spot for me on Fox I can guarantee that you\u2019ll be my first interview.\u00a0 Now my journalistic integrity won\u2019t permit me to overlook your racist positions on immigration and affirmative action but if you show sufficient contrition and agree to appointing Hillary Clinton to your cabinet as Attorney General I can guarantee to at least keeping an open mind about endorsing you in 2020 or at least treating you like John McCain, you know mild disdain.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Rose you\u2019re the creepiest looking dude since that guy on Tales from the Crypt.\u00a0 You give gropers a bad name.\u00a0 Guys don\u2019t just rough him up.\u00a0 Water board him for a week or two.\u00a0\u00a0 (Rose is dragged away whining morosely as usual)<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Next!\u00a0 What about you Lauer?<\/p>\n
ML \u2013 You know I\u2019ve changed my mind.\u00a0 I\u2019m gonna quit while I\u2019m ahead.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Yeah, well, bye.\u00a0 Give my regards to Savannah and Hoda.\u00a0 Oh, that\u2019s right, they don\u2019t take your calls anymore, pervert. (Lauer is escorted out of the room)<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, Weinstein, you\u2019re the only one left.\u00a0 But you\u2019re not even a journalist.\u00a0 Why are you here?<\/p>\n
HW \u2013 Mr. President, I\u2019m not a journalist, I\u2019m a business man just like you.\u00a0 And as a fellow businessman you know how unfair it is to mix business and personal life when business decisions are made.\u00a0 And because of that I want you to grant me a presidential pardon and get the Hollywood Commission to reinstate me at the Weinstein Company.\u00a0 If you do this for me I\u2019ll donate generously to your campaign fund and I\u2019ll see to it that many beautiful starlets are available for, let us say, private conferences.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Harvey, you potted plant polluter, there are no words to describe my disgust at your lack of class.\u00a0 Let\u2019s face it, the way you look, you should have been honest enough to admit to yourself that all your sex would be on a cash basis.\u00a0 Guys, just get him out of here as quickly as possible and make sure all the vegetable life in the White House has been disinfected before the First Lady wakes up tomorrow.\u00a0 (Weinstein is given the bum\u2019s rush out the door)<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Hannity I have half a mind to ban you from the White House for a year.\u00a0 What made you think I had anything to say to these losers?<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 Well Mr. President, not to put too fine a point on it, I assumed that your treatment at the hands of the Pussy Hat brigade would make you at least somewhat sympathetic toward their plight.\u00a0 After all, how different are you from them?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Sean, that is the stupidest thing you\u2019ve ever said.\u00a0 The difference between them and me is they don\u2019t understand women.\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 They try to coerce women who work for them into doing what they don\u2019t want to do.\u00a0 I only want women who are convinced I\u2019m the best deal they\u2019ll ever find.<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 What about Stormy Daniels?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That was just a pit stop.\u00a0 And besides nobody twisted her arm, or anything else if I recall correctly.\u00a0 So Sean, the next time you get a call from one of these guys, just hang up and dip the phone in Lysol.<\/p>\n
SH \u2013 Yes Mr. President, sorry Mr. President.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP); Sean Hannity \u2013 (SH); Charlie Rose \u2013 (CR); Matt Lauer \u2013 (ML); Harvey Weinstein<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[574,1031,1032,435,575,372,1029,653,993,1030,16,373],"class_list":["post-2797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-metoo","tag-charlie-rose","tag-deadpool-2","tag-harvey-weinstein","tag-matt-lauer","tag-mike-pence","tag-sean-hannity","tag-stormy-daniels","tag-the-war-between-men-and-women","tag-tom-brokaw","tag-trump","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n