{"id":30042,"date":"2024-08-18T05:00:28","date_gmt":"2024-08-18T09:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=30042"},"modified":"2024-08-17T17:08:05","modified_gmt":"2024-08-17T21:08:05","slug":"debate-in-dunwich-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the first 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop and along with my four fellow moderators I will be running the debate and handling the time clock and microphones.\u00a0 We randomly selected the two contestants for tonight\u2019s debate.\u00a0 They are two of the former First Selectman\u2019s closest relatives; his daughter Cthylla and his half-brother Hastur.<\/p>\n

Before we get started I will just explain the rules of the debate.\u00a0 Each candidate will be given two minutes to answer a question.\u00a0 If the candidate exceeds that time he will have his microphone shut off and will be penalized a minute for the first offense and two minutes for his second offense.\u00a0 On the third offense he will lose all right to answer questions.<\/p>\n

(At this point Hastur moved toward the moderators\u2019 dais and ate one of the officials.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Now I will explain my rules.\u00a0 Every time you say something annoying, I will eat some of you.\u00a0 First offense I will eat one of you, as I just did.\u00a0 Second offense two of you.\u00a0 On the third offense I\u2019ll eat all the rest of the moderators and probably most of the spectators.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Those are very convincing rules.\u00a0 Can I start the questioning?<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Certainly, my little dumpling.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Thank you your titanic excellency.\u00a0 Cthylla, if you are elected First Selectman, what will be your first official act?<\/p>\n

CTHYLLA \u2013 That\u2019s easy.\u00a0 I will change the job title to First Select Person!\u00a0 We\u2019re in the twentieth century here and this patriarchal sexism will be laid to rest!\u00a0 And after that I intend to change the pronunciation of Dunwich so that you can hear the w.\u00a0 I will enact a law that anyone pronouncing it \u201cDunitch\u201d will be fined a hundred dollars.\u00a0 Oh, and I intend to make rooftop solar panels and electric cars mandatory.\u00a0 And \u2026<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Alright, that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 Listen you empty-headed boob.\u00a0 Why should a Great Old One care what humans name their bureaucrats?\u00a0 Or how they pronounce their absurd place names.\u00a0 Basically, they\u2019re cattle for us to herd and then devour.\u00a0 And as for this stupid \u201celection,\u201d I\u2019m doing this for fun.\u00a0 If these insignificant maggots vote for anyone but me, I\u2019ll flatten half of Dunwich as an object lesson and start eating a dozen of them daily until they come to me, en masse, and beg me to be their \u201cFirst Selectman.\u201d<\/p>\n

CTHYLLA \u2013 Hastur, you can\u2019t talk to me that way.\u00a0 In the words of my favorite philosopher, my future as the leader of Dunwich is unburdened by what has been.<\/p>\n

BOTH FEMALE MODERATOR \u2013 You go girl!<\/p>\n

(Hastur, once again, ambles over to the Moderators\u2019 dais and eats both female moderators.)<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 That\u2019s two strikes.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Well, I think this concludes the question period of this debate.\u00a0 I think we\u2019ll proceed to closing arguments and I will ask Hastur to go first.<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Cthylla you are a brainless nincompoop.\u00a0 How my brother ever spawned anything as vacuous as you is inexplicable.\u00a0 I recommend you spend your time trying to memorize which are your right and left legs and leave running the known universe to beings with the ruthlessness and intelligence needed to succeed.\u00a0 If you are any indication of what the next generation of Great Old Ones is like then I shudder to think how we will conquer the giant Martian Beetle Men a billion years from now after I retire to R’lyeh.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Well, I think we should end here.\u00a0 Although both candidates have spoken passionately, I think it\u2019s fair to say that Hastur has driven home his argument, uh, viscerally.\u00a0 And for that reason he will advance to the next debate when his opponent will be the Azathoth or as he is sometimes known the “Blind Idiot God.\u201d<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 I like to call him \u201cSleepy Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Well said, well said.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I will not be moderating at that debate due to a schedule conflict that is unavoidable.<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 You better avoid it or you\u2019ll have an appointment with my alimentary canal.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 I\u2019ve just remembered a cancellation.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be there of course.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the first 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[241,5,3366,1289,818,1263,237,4,242,6],"tags":[3341,4638,255,168],"class_list":["post-30042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-reviews","category-current-events","category-life-in-dunwich","category-fiction-by-me","category-ocf","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","category-reviews","category-sff","category-sff-book-reviews","category-trump","tag-dunwich","tag-first-selectman-cthulhu","tag-h-p-lovecraft","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nDebate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"  BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the first 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-08-18T09:00:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-08-17T21:08:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Kamala-Cthylla.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 2\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-08-18T09:00:28+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-08-17T21:08:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/18\/debate-in-dunwich-part-2\/\"},\"wordCount\":711,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Dunwich\",\"First Selectman Cthulhu\",\"H. 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