{"id":30053,"date":"2024-08-19T05:00:39","date_gmt":"2024-08-19T09:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=30053"},"modified":"2024-08-18T15:23:36","modified_gmt":"2024-08-18T19:23:36","slug":"debate-in-dunwich-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the second 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop and I would introduce my four fellow moderators but they were eaten by candidate Hastur during the first debate.\u00a0 Well, one wasn\u2019t eaten but he started running as soon as the debate ended and by now, he must be somewhere over the Canadian border.\u00a0 I will be running the debate but we have suspended all rules associated with the candidates\u2019 actions out of naked fear of being ingested.\u00a0 So, we expect a lively but chaotic night.<\/p>\n

Tonight, our candidates are Hastur and Azathoth also known as the \u201cBlind Idiot God,” but in a positive and non-judgmental way.\u00a0 Seeing as Hastur scares me worst I will open up the debate by turning over the microphone to him.<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Very good human, you managed to avoid immediate death.\u00a0 Keep up the good work.\u00a0 Well, Azathoth I see you\u2019ve managed to scrape the cosmic barnacles off your face and show up for this debate.\u00a0 What do you have to say for yourself?<\/p>\n

AZATHOTH \u2013 Hey, watch that kind of talk.\u00a0 Why in my day young whippersnappers knew enough to only speak when they were spoken to.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t keep a civil tongue in your head, I\u2019ll take you out behind the Crab Nebula and teach you some manners, by gum.<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Calm down sleepy Joe.\u00a0 They don\u2019t call you the Blind Idiot God for nothing.\u00a0 If we squared off, you\u2019d be lucky not to poke your own eye out with one of your claws.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s cut to the chase and tell the audience of puny humans what we each hope to achieve as \u201cFirst Selectman.\u201d\u00a0 For instance, I hope to ban humans from adding artificial sweeteners to their foods and drinks.\u00a0 All of these additives build up in human cells and always give me a headache if I have more than two or three humans at a meal.\u00a0 Especially the female humans with their attempts to lose weight to attract a man.<\/p>\n

AZATHOTH \u2013 Hey, what do you mean by stereotyping women that way?\u00a0 That\u2019s obviously sexist and it\u2019s fat-shaming too.\u00a0 What are you?\u00a0 Some kind of agent of the patriarchy.\u00a0 Why I oughta haul off and belt you one, you dog-faced pony soldier, you!\u00a0 And why do you assume a woman is trying to attract a man.\u00a0 Are you trying to deny the existence of the LGBTQ?<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Okay that\u2019s enough.<\/p>\n

(Hastur closes with Azathoth and proceeds to dismember him.\u00a0 First, he snaps off his lobster-like claws and then all of his remaining limbs.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

AZATHOTH \u2013 Ahhhhh!\u00a0 Ahhhh!\u00a0 You can\u2019t do that to me.\u00a0 I\u2019m the supreme deity of the Cthulhu Mythos.<\/p>\n

HASTUR \u2013 Yeah, yeah, yeah.\u00a0 But you also taste really good baked with some dipping butter on the side.\u00a0 So, everyone is invited to join me on the beach tonight for a good old seafood bake.\u00a0 Bring your own bibs and I\u2019ll provide the sides and beer.<\/p>\n

BISHOP \u2013 Well, there you have it folks.\u00a0 Hastur has taken to our New England customs and cuisine surprisingly quickly for an invading intergalactic demigod from another dimension.\u00a0 And I for one applaud his generosity in hosting this party.\u00a0 But I will not be attending.\u00a0 There was no talk of what the side dishes would be and I don\u2019t wish to tempt fate by ending up as one of them.\u00a0 So, until the next debate this is Uriah Bishop wishing you a good night and nightmare free dreams.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the second 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[241,5,3366,1289,818,1263,237,4,242,6],"tags":[3341,4638,255,168],"class_list":["post-30053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-reviews","category-current-events","category-life-in-dunwich","category-fiction-by-me","category-ocf","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","category-reviews","category-sff","category-sff-book-reviews","category-trump","tag-dunwich","tag-first-selectman-cthulhu","tag-h-p-lovecraft","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nDebate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 3 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 3 - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"  BISHOP \u2013 Welcome to the second 2024 Debate between the candidates running for the office of Dunwich First Selectman.\u00a0 I\u2019m head moderator Uriah Bishop\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-08-19T09:00:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-08-18T19:23:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Lobster-Joe-Biden.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Debate in Dunwich \u2013 Part 3\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-08-19T09:00:39+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-08-18T19:23:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/19\/debate-in-dunwich-part-3\/\"},\"wordCount\":604,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Dunwich\",\"First Selectman Cthulhu\",\"H. 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