{"id":31318,"date":"2024-11-21T05:00:26","date_gmt":"2024-11-21T10:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=31318"},"modified":"2024-11-20T16:45:03","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T21:45:03","slug":"it-couldnt-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/21\/it-couldnt-hurt\/","title":{"rendered":"It Couldn\u2019t Hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The unthinkable has occurred.\u00a0 Camera Girl has joined the resistance.\u00a0 Somehow, she\u2019s discovered the 4B Movement.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how it happened.\u00a0 I keep her inside a hermetic bubble, into which no outside influence is allowed.\u00a0 Like a Svengali I mold her every thought and gaslight her entire notion of what\u2019s going on in the world.\u00a0 But somehow, it\u2019s happened.\u00a0 She has declared herself part of the 4B; No barbecue, burger, brisket or bologna.\u00a0 And as a further sign of her radicalized state of mind she\u2019s added another 4B\u2019s; no breakfast, bagel. bialy or bacon.\u00a0 Shades of Lysistrata!<\/p>\n

A complete food strike.\u00a0 It\u2019s diabolical.\u00a0 And there\u2019s nothing I can do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to buy or cook food.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even sure what I currently eat.\u00a0 The dishes she makes for me are complex and confusing.\u00a0 If left to my own devices I\u2019ll probably wander through the supermarket buying the easily identifiable items like bananas and seltzer.\u00a0 It looks pretty bleak for me.\u00a0 I tried to placate her.\u00a0 I told her I\u2019d stop watching YouTube videos of Kamala voters screaming and crying.\u00a0 I told her I\u2019d let her watch NCIS and other girly soap operas.\u00a0 But she just ignored me.\u00a0 Her tactic is to eat her meals before I get up in the morning.\u00a0 When I get up at 10:30 am I can still smell the coffee and bagels wafting around the dining room but all that\u2019s left is an empty coffee mug and some everything-bagel crumbs on a plate in the sink.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t figure out where she\u2019s hiding the food.\u00a0 I suspect it might be in the kitchen cabinets but because of the illogical way she arranges things I\u2019ve never been able to find anything but trash bags and window cleaner in those places, so what\u2019s the use.\u00a0 In desperation I\u2019ve been sneaking out to the edge of the swamp looking for the crumbs and crusts that Camera Girl leaves at the edge of the water for Moe the Crow.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give him this, he puts up a pretty stiff fight for his food.\u00a0 But I\u2019m just too strong for him.\u00a0 I will have to get there a little earlier though.\u00a0 The bread gets very soggy from the ground water almost immediately.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m thinking of getting some outside help.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to write a letter to President-elect Trump and see if he has any advice for me.\u00a0 I mean he\u2019s always fighting with \u201cnasty women\u201d and he\u2019s managed pretty well for himself.\u00a0 Well, he did get sued by that harpy who claims he raped her in Bloomingdales.\u00a0 And he is on his third marriage.\u00a0 And he did have that Million-Woman March against him back in 2017.\u00a0 But probably all of those experiences have made him wiser about women and anyway I feel he owes me after I stuck up for him with Camera Girl and all the other women who over the years have argued with me about what a terrible man he is.\u00a0 Surely that wisdom can do me some good in my present predicament.\u00a0 The \u201cart of the deal\u201d must have a chapter on food strikes.<\/p>\n

Well, if all else fails. I will fall back on what every man has as his birthright; the male brain.\u00a0 As Shakespeare very beautifully expressed it in Hamlet, \u201cWhat a piece of work is a man, How noble in reason.\u201d\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right, how noble in reason.\u00a0 We are the thinking animal and we can think our way out of any crisis.\u00a0 I will buy food myself and by trial and error I will figure out how to cook it.\u00a0 I can write the equations for the heat transfer of an electrical resistance stove top.\u00a0 I can figure out the amount of time it takes for a quart of water to reach its boiling point at a particular power setting.\u00a0 I know how the proteins in animal muscle become denatured at high temperature.\u00a0 Fire is the invention of some male ancestor of my species and I can master its application to any technology.\u00a0 As Prometheus is my witness, I\u2019ll never be hungry again!<\/p>\n

Maybe if I tell her how nice her hair looks lately, she\u2019ll make me some coffee and a pumpernickel bagel.\u00a0 It couldn\u2019t hurt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The unthinkable has occurred.\u00a0 Camera Girl has joined the resistance.\u00a0 Somehow, she\u2019s discovered the 4B Movement.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how it happened.\u00a0 I keep her<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[4721,931,300,993],"class_list":["post-31318","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-trump","tag-4b-movement","tag-aristophanes","tag-camera-girl","tag-the-war-between-men-and-women"],"yoast_head":"\nIt Couldn\u2019t Hurt - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/21\/it-couldnt-hurt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It Couldn\u2019t Hurt - 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