{"id":31322,"date":"2024-11-22T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2024-11-22T12:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=31322"},"modified":"2024-11-21T22:45:51","modified_gmt":"2024-11-22T03:45:51","slug":"trump-vs-morning-shmoe-and-lycra-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/22\/trump-vs-morning-shmoe-and-lycra-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs Morning Shmoe and Lycra"},"content":{"rendered":"

Update:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don’t normally revive an old post.\u00a0 But this post from 2017 just seemed timely due to Joe and Mika’s recent antics.\u00a0 It seems back then I spelled Schmoe without the c.\u00a0 Well potato, patatta.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Morning Shmoe (MS) \u2013 Welcome back from that commercial break and it\u2019s 13 and 1\/8th<\/sup> minutes after the quarter hour and we\u2019re here at the newly refurbished set of the Morning Shmoe Show.\u00a0 And Lycra Spandexy and I were just saying how much better it is to be us, young and in love and not old and racist like President Trump.<\/p>\n

Lycra Spandexy (LS) \u2013 Yes, he\u2019s a creep with small hands and bad hair.\u00a0 He\u2019s not beautiful like me.\u00a0 I am still very, very young and don\u2019t need a facelift and would never get one and besides it\u2019s called a dermatological procedure and everyone gets them because they\u2019re young and not because they need them.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 That\u2019s right sweety.\u00a0 But this is not about us.\u00a0 It\u2019s about this very bad man.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes, he\u2019s a very bad man.\u00a0 And there was no blood and he doesn\u2019t know what he\u2019s talking about.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Okay honey, let\u2019s move on.\u00a0 So, as you all know we\u2019re deeply in love and being together here on the show and also constantly morning, noon and night, all day every day is great.\u00a0 We never tire of each other\u2019s company and we do everything together.\u00a0 Every single blessed thing.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2026.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And it\u2019s great!\u00a0\u00a0 Really, really, really\u00a0\u00a0 \u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 great.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes, and I tell Shmoe every little thing that pops into my head.\u00a0 Like yesterday when the girl doing my nails told me that I had a cold sore on my lip and I said it was a white-head and she said it was herpes and I told her that my dermatologist told me that you can tell if it\u2019s herpes because you get that tingling feeling ahead of time and then you use the Abreva and then it\u2019s a lot less icky and nobody can notice it under the make-up on the show and I don\u2019t have to go on assignment for a week and that\u2019s really great and I told her that it was a white-head and I knew that because it looked like a white-head and I popped it with a pin and squeezed out the puss and then it hurt but not much and it looks like it will heal without a scab that\u2019s noticeable so I won\u2019t have to go on assignment for a week.\u00a0 And Shmoe was so interested while he sat there listening and drinking that scotch without the water and I asked him if he wanted some water but he just kept filling up that tumbler and I said, \u201cBoy that\u2019s a lot of scotch and he just kept smiling and nodding his head and it was great.\u201d<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yeah that was great.\u00a0 Really, really, really\u00a0\u00a0 \u2026\u00a0\u00a0 great.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 But Producer Jorge says we have a caller on the line.\u00a0 Hello caller, you\u2019re on the Morning Shmoe Show.\u00a0 What would you like to say?<\/p>\n

President Trump (PT) \u2013 Hello Lycra, it\u2019s me President Trump.\u00a0 I was told by some of my friends who are forced to watch terrible shows like yours for a living about the nasty things you\u2019ve been saying about me.\u00a0 I figured I\u2019d call up and set the record straight.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Trump, you\u2019ve got a lot of nerve calling us up and invading our safe space.\u00a0 But we\u2019re not scared of you and we won\u2019t be intimidated by your bullying.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I won\u2019t need to bully you, I only want to ask you one question.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 What\u2019s that?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Did the network force you to marry her for ratings?\u00a0 Because if not then I don\u2019t get it.\u00a0 I mean to have to listen to that blathering for an hour or two in the morning is doable, but all the time?\u00a0 I mean come on!\u00a0 Don\u2019t you ever feel like just putting a bullet in your head to stop the incessant babble.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Hah, that\u2019s ridiculous.\u00a0 Just because you are a cave-man and don\u2019t value women for their intelligence doesn\u2019t mean all men are that way.\u00a0 Shmoe loves to hear my opinions.\u00a0 Like this morning when we were in the middle of that long commute from Jersey and I started telling Shmoe about what my mother told me the other day about how when I was a little girl and my sister stole my \u201cMy Pretty Pony\u201d doll and I told her to give it back and she said it was hers because she said I promised to give it to her if she told me what Marcy said about me to Charlene but I told her that I found out from Debby what Marcy really said and it wasn\u2019t what she told me and my mother said that I really hurt my sister\u2019s feelings and to this day she still wants that doll and she told my mother that my face looks too tight after that dermatological procedure that I didn\u2019t have done and I told Mom that that was mean and I thought that my sister\u2019s butt had gotten really fat and I wasn\u2019t going to give up the doll.\u00a0 And then I asked Shmoe wasn\u2019t he going too fast and why was he swerving toward the guard rail and then he laughed and laughed.\u00a0 And he laughed so hard that a tear was in his eye and then I told him that I was enrolling us in a couple\u2019s yoga class and there was a jazzercise section too.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 I\u2019m sorry folks but I\u2019m out of time.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2026\u00a0 BANG.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Thought so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Update: I don’t normally revive an old post.\u00a0 But this post from 2017 just seemed timely due to Joe and Mika’s recent antics.\u00a0 It seems<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,179,178,16],"class_list":["post-31322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-lycra-spandexy","tag-morning-shmoe","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs Morning Shmoe and Lycra - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/22\/trump-vs-morning-shmoe-and-lycra-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs Morning Shmoe and Lycra - 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