{"id":31614,"date":"2024-12-20T05:00:53","date_gmt":"2024-12-20T10:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=31614"},"modified":"2024-12-19T23:05:40","modified_gmt":"2024-12-20T04:05:40","slug":"top-men-working-on-it-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2024\/12\/20\/top-men-working-on-it-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Top Men Working on It \u2013 Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Well, I enjoyed yesterday\u2019s outing so much I thought I\u2019d have another go at solving the world\u2019s problems on Uncle Sam\u2019s dime.\u00a0 Here are some more projects to keep me off the streets and make the world a better place:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Stamp Out the Metric System<\/strong>. \u2013 That\u2019s right. I want to outlaw it and insist that the freezing point of water is 32 degrees and the boiling point is 212 degrees.\u00a0 And I\u2019m talking Fahrenheit.\u00a0 I want halves, quarters, eighths, sixteenths and thirty seconds of an inch as the way we measure lumber.\u00a0 I want everyone to know that a pint\u2019s a pound the world around.\u00a0 I want horsepower, tons of cooling, foot-pounds, cubic yards, pounds per square inch and inches of mercury everywhere you look.\u00a0 I want the speed of light to be 186,000 miles per second.\u00a0 I want pounds and ounces and BTU\u2019s and I don\u2019t want any kilometers or kilograms or ergs or any of that European or Canadian jazz, thank you very much!\u00a0 And I will back up my hatred with the force of Trumpian law.\u00a0 Anyone found using a metric tape measure, scale, thermometer, pedometer or any other metric device will be subject to public dunking followed by banishment to Bogeyland.\u00a0 And no one will be immune.\u00a0 If I find out that Elon Musk is using metric tools and hardware on his cars, they will be forced off the roads.\u00a0 And if his rockets are instrumented using metric units, the Air and Space forces will be authorized to shoot them out of the sky.\u00a0 This may sound harsh but order must be maintained.\u00a0 Some of you may claim that decimal units simplify and make calculations easier.\u00a0 I say, calculations are supposed to be difficult.\u00a0 So, suck it up!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Defund PBS and NPR and Subject the Personnel to the Inquisition<\/strong> \u2013 My hatred for these institutions knows no bounds.\u00a0 Every time I heard some bow tie wearing doofus on NPR whispering softly about some pathetic cause he wanted me to espouse I had to change the channel.\u00a0 Now it\u2019s time for payback.\u00a0 And closing down their operations and returning that money to the American people is a wonderful accomplishment.\u00a0 But shutting them down is not enough.\u00a0 I propose that a sort of Artificial Torquemada (AT) be programmed to subject these awful people to whatever punishments will make them suffer the most.\u00a0 First off, their diet will be Big Macs and fries, morning, noon and night.\u00a0 Secondly, a public address system will play a loop of Donald Trump\u2019s greatest hits from his campaign rallies, played twenty-four hours of the day.\u00a0 Each inmate will be provided with a mockup of the Sunday New York Times newspaper featuring a facsimile of the Times crossword puzzle but unfortunately, none of the possible answers will fit the spaces.\u00a0 The gulag will have mandatory television viewing of reruns of Hee-Haw, The Dukes of Hazzard, Benny Hill, Home Improvement and Baywatch.\u00a0 The prison library will consist of the collected works of Mickey Spillane.\u00a0 And finally, every month there will be a special session where the inmates will be strapped into chairs and forced to watch a ten-hour compilation of the 2016 and 2024 election coverage including the rants and crying jags caused by the epic failures of the Clinton and Harris campaigns.\u00a0 None of the inmates will be available for parole until under surveillance of a lie detector they can state honestly that \u201cThe 2020 election was rigged against Donald Trump through voter fraud.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Okay so that\u2019s enough for now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Well, I enjoyed yesterday\u2019s outing so much I thought I\u2019d have another go at solving the world\u2019s problems on Uncle Sam\u2019s dime.\u00a0 Here are some<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,1263,6],"tags":[3344,143,230],"class_list":["post-31614","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","category-trump","tag-2024-elections","tag-drain-the-swamp","tag-right-wing-humor"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - 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