Well, let\u2019s see.\u00a0 Today is Mardi Gras.\u00a0 Interestingly, it is celebrated in Dunwich but with a local twist.\u00a0 Because the Great Old Ones are devout Roman Catholics (go figure) they forego eating humans during the entirety of Lent so tonight they have a wild party where they make an enormous cauldron of jambalaya (5,000 gallons) and garnish it with any local elected officials they can find within the town limits.\u00a0 So, for that reason I\u2019m currently hiding in an abandoned fallout shelter with the Elder Sign emblazoned on the bolted hatch.\u00a0 Above me I can hear the screams of the Dunwich Town Clerk, Treasurer and Tax Collector as they\u2019re paraded down Bourbon Street on the way to dinner.\u00a0 Well, nobody likes them anyway.\u00a0 They voted to increase taxes and wouldn\u2019t let us put up that Trump sign behind the Town Hall so boo hoo!<\/p>\n
It’s kind of boring down here.\u00a0 All I have is an internet connection, a dart board and ten thousand sugar cubes.\u00a0 I\u2019m trying to build a pyramid with them but it looks kind of crooked.\u00a0 It really adds to my respect for those Egyptians.\u00a0 First off, I now see why they didn\u2019t use sugar as a building material.\u00a0 After all, the slaves building the pyramid might be tempted to lick one of the blocks surreptitiously.\u00a0 Multiply that by a billion licks and now you\u2019re looking at real issues.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing type 2 diabetes would have been rampant, so there\u2019s that.\u00a0 It really makes you think.<\/p>\n
But now Donald Trump is starting his speech.\u00a0 He\u2019s speaking to a joint session of Congress and the Democrats are all holding what look like ping pong paddles with catchy slogans like \u201cTrump Sucks\u201d and \u201cPelosi is Still Hot\u201d emblazoned on them.\u00a0 After a particularly provocative anecdote about how ugly Chuck Schumer\u2019s wife is up jumps Billy Dee Williams and threatens Trump with a golden handled cane.<\/p>\n