Jonathan Capon:\u00a0 Good evening I\u2019m Jonathan Capon of the Washington Post.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 And I\u2019m David Books of the New York Times.\u00a0 And you\u2019re watching the PBS News Hour.\u00a0 Tonight, we will be speaking to former US President Joe Bilephlegm and his wonderful wife Dr. Jill.\u00a0 Welcome Mr. President and First Lady.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Thank you, Phil. \u00a0It\u2019s good to be back in Washington.\u00a0 Where I belong.<\/p>\n
Jill Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Thank you, David.\u00a0 He meant David.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019m sure he did.\u00a0 Mr. President, since your withdrawal from the 2024 race and the subsequent catastrophic loss of your vice president to Donald Trump many people have been waiting for you to speak candidly about what you think happened in the election and what could have been done to prevent the loss.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you asked Brad.\u00a0 The answer is simple.\u00a0 When I rope-a-doped Trump in the first debate many faint-hearted Democrats like Nancy Pelosi and George Clooney panicked.\u00a0 They thought I really had gone bananas and began shouting for me to drop out of the race.\u00a0 And then that bedwetter George Stepha-what\u2019s-his-name piled on and before you know it, I\u2019ve been kicked to the curb by these weak-kneed cowards.\u00a0 And that left that drunken bimbo to try and face Donald Trump on her own.\u00a0 It was hopeless.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon:\u00a0 Mr. President are you seriously claiming that your performance at the debate was an act?\u00a0 Because at the time it was described as a shambolic disaster of the first water.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Listen nancy boy I\u2019ve been handling bullies like Trump since before you groveled before your first editor.\u00a0 I was first in my class at Harvard.\u00a0 I took a bullet for Nelson Mandela and I fought at Iwo Jima.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon:\u00a0 What?\u00a0 You barely graduated from the University of Delaware.\u00a0 You never met Mandela.\u00a0 And you were three years old when Iwo Jima was fought.\u00a0 How could you possibly have been there?<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 I fought at the second battle of Iwo Jima.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t as famous but the fighting was even tougher.\u00a0 I was wounded five times and received three Congressional medals of honor for my service.\u00a0 I turned the tide of the battle single-handedly and routed the Russians.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon:\u00a0 Oh, that\u2019s enough, I\u2019m out of here. (leaves the stage)<\/p>\n
Jill Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Come back Jonathan, you have to let him tell his story his own way.\u00a0 He\u2019s a great communicator.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Let him go.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell my story to Freddie over here.\u00a0 He\u2019s a real newsman.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 It\u2019s David, Mr. President, not Freddie.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Whatever you want to call yourself is fine with me Kemosabe.\u00a0 Look I\u2019m trying to get my story out so that my 2028 campaign will get off on the right track.\u00a0 In 2026 I\u2019ve got to hit the ground running if I want to get the moderate vote sewn up early.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 Mr. President, are you out of your mind?\u00a0 You can\u2019t run for president again.\u00a0 You\u2019d be ninety years old by the end of that term.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 So?\u00a0 Ninety is just a number.\u00a0 Remember what Morning Schmoe said about me last year.\u00a0 He said that intellectually, analytically, I was the best Bilephlegm there ever was.\u00a0 And he was right!<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 Well, their parent company is trying to spin off his network and lay off Morning Schmoe even as we speak so I wouldn\u2019t give that too much weight.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 Listen Brainiac, they laughed at Trump when he said he was coming back after a four-year hiatus and look at him now.\u00a0 Why, he bestrides the known world like a colostomy.\u00a0 In four years when he can\u2019t run again, I\u2019ll be back and I\u2019ll win.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 With all due respect Mr. President, in four years you won\u2019t be able to say your own name.<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 So what?\u00a0 FDR had Elanor to help him.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have what\u2019s-her-name over there to do the heavy lifting.\u00a0 We\u2019re a team.\u00a0 And Hunter is already lining up some trade deals that should net billions for us.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 Who\u2019s \u201cus.\u201d<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 The American people of course.<\/p>\n
David Books:\u00a0 Alright, that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 I\u2019m going back to Canada.\u00a0 At least our crooks don\u2019t smell this bad (leaves stage).<\/p>\n
President Bilephlegm:\u00a0 (speaking in a stage whisper<\/strong>) So, all of you viewers out there, remember to vote for good old Joe.\u00a0 (yelling<\/strong>) Don\u2019t let the Nazis win!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Jonathan Capon:\u00a0 Good evening I\u2019m Jonathan Capon of the Washington Post. David Books:\u00a0 And I\u2019m David Books of the New York Times.\u00a0 And you\u2019re watching<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2945,5,288,6],"tags":[3193,168],"class_list":["post-33238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biden-humor","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-biden-humor","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\n