{"id":3337,"date":"2018-10-06T08:21:45","date_gmt":"2018-10-06T12:21:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=3337"},"modified":"2022-10-16T11:57:38","modified_gmt":"2022-10-16T15:57:38","slug":"mourning-morning-shmoe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/06\/mourning-morning-shmoe\/","title":{"rendered":"Mourning Morning Shmoe"},"content":{"rendered":"

I went through the “Trump vs” spoof posts and picked the one I liked best.\u00a0 I’ll post one section a day but if you want to read ahead or start at the beginning I have the links at the bottom and top of each post to the previous and next installments.\u00a0 This one began back in March 2018.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Morning Shmoe vs the Doggie Gaegogi<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe \u2013 (MS);\u00a0 Lycra Spandexy \u2013 (LS); \u00a0Producer Jorge \u2013 (PJ); \u00a0President Trump \u2013 (PT)<\/p>\n

Scene 1- 8am, MSNBC, Set of the Morning Shmoe talk show; the set is festooned with black streamers, in the center of the breakfast table is a poster sized photo of a morbidly obese pug dog; \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Welcome solemnly back from that tasteful adult diaper commercial break and it\u2019s the saddest two minutes after the quarter hour I\u2019ve ever experienced here at the Morning Shmoe Show.\u00a0 I\u2019m your co-host Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed and here\u2019s our co-host the lovely but deeply bereaved Lycra Spandexy.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes, that\u2019s right Shmoe. \u00a0Very, very lovely and deeply, deeply bereaved.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Lycra, maybe for the sake of any of the at-home audience who were in comas yesterday and didn\u2019t hear the earth shattering events you could relate a synopsis of events leading up to this sad, sad day.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 No, Shmoe.\u00a0 Anyone too stupid or callous to educate himself to the scope and details of yesterday\u2019s global catastrophe cannot be helped and must be allowed to perish from the earth, or at least be shadow-banned from Twitter.\u00a0 But I will say this, Mr. Toodles\u2019 abduction, brutal murder and cannibalization is laid squarely at the feet of Donald Trump.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes, absolutely.\u00a0 Trump\u2019s support for the unnamed perpetrator (a rogue leader of an unnamed \u00a0country with the initials NK) was what enabled this heinous crime.\u00a0 Any sensible President would answer this unspeakable provocation with a measured, proportionate response, namely, the total thermonuclear annihilation of North Korea, err, I mean NK.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes Shmoe, that seems just.\u00a0 Even merciful if you consider it the right way.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 And by the right way you mean the left way.\u00a0 A truly progressive world view recognizes that the brutal murder of even one somewhat plus-sized American pug dog must be the moral equivalent of incinerating fifty million East Asian people who engage in dog eating.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 That\u2019s right Shmoe, very, very equivalent.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Oh for! \u2026 \u2026 \u2026 \u2026 \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026. Anyway, anyway we are demanding that Donald Trump immediately call off the peace process with NK and proceed directly to a full nuclear launch.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes, warmonger Trump, do what you want to do anyway go directly to Def Jam 4.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 That\u2019s DEFCON 1.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Well, whatever channel it is on your remote go to it and start bombing those dog eaters.\u00a0 And I hear South Korea and China are also dog eaters so nuke them too.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Uhhh, maybe we should slow down a minute.\u00a0 China is not only one of the larger nuclear powers with a population of over a billion people, it also makes most of the stuff we live on.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Really Shmoe, really?\u00a0 Is that all you care about Mr. Toodles?\u00a0 I mean, just because there is a small chance that you will get nuked, you let dog eaters roam the earth free, chowing down on chow-chows as the mood strikes them?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Hey, just wait a second.\u00a0 I go along with almost all of your nutty crap day in and day out.\u00a0 Cut me a little slack when I don\u2019t want to go beyond the partial annihilation of the planet over one dog.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 One dog?\u00a0 Mr. Toodles?\u00a0 After all he did for you?\u00a0 Do I even know you at all?<\/p>\n

(as a staccato exchange of bickering breaks out between the married co-hosts, Producer Jorge, interrupts)<\/strong><\/p>\n

PJ \u2013 Lycra, Shmoe.\u00a0 I hate to interrupt but we have Donald Trump on line one.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Put him through!\u00a0 I want to tell him what I really think of him.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Hello Shmoe and Lycra.\u00a0 I see you\u2019re engaging in your usual nutbaggery.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Go to hell Trump.\u00a0 We won\u2019t let you divide us.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Exactly!<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Exactly!<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 (audibly grinds his teeth but shakes it off and continues) What do you want Trump?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I called up to broker a peace treaty between the two of you and my friend Kim Jong Un.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 (starts screaming incoherently then yells) Monster, murderer!\u00a0 You are responsible for the murder of Mr. Toodles.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Calm yourself Lycra Spandexy, at your advanced age a stroke is always a concern.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 (once again starts screaming incoherently then yells) I am not old!\u00a0 I am young and beautiful and in the prime of my life as a powerful, talented and desirable woman.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Sure, sure, whatever, now listen.\u00a0 Kim Jong Un called me up last night and told me all about the joke he pulled on you two.\u00a0 It\u2019s not widely known but he has a very wry sense of humor.\u00a0 He took your morbidly obese and pop-eyed canine and brought him along on his flight back to Pyongyang.\u00a0 The dog is well, or as well as he was when taken, and will be returned to you unharmed in return for an apology.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 I\u2019ll never apologize to that monster.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Oh it\u2019s worse than that.\u00a0 You have to apologize to me.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 What?\u00a0 Why would we apologize to you?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Well you see, Kim thinks it\u2019s beneath his dignity to negotiate with a leader whose own people hold in such low esteem that they insult him publicly.\u00a0 So, he is insisting that you two be made an example and forced to perform the equivalent of a North Korean show trial where you denounce yourselves through a long list of your thought and deed crimes.\u00a0 He reluctantly agreed that you didn\u2019t have to end off by being summarily executed with a bullet through the brain paid for by your families.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 We\u2019ll never do it.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s your choice but the dog is still in North Korea and he is about oven-stuffer size.\u00a0 And the Korean Festival of the Garlic and Ginseng Stuffed Dog does begin next week.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Don\u2019t say no, Shmoe!\u00a0 We must save Mr. Toodles no matter the cost.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Very well, you villain.\u00a0 We\u2019ll do it.\u00a0 What must we say.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Oh, don\u2019t rush me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get back to you when I\u2019ve got the script finished.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just let Kim know it\u2019s a deal and we\u2019ll set up the broadcast in a day or so.\u00a0 And believe me when I say that what you\u2019ll have to say will bring tears to those leftist blue state eyes of yours.\u00a0 Till then rejoice.\u00a0 Your pop-eyed pooch was dead but now is alive again.\u00a0 Trump out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I went through the “Trump vs” spoof posts and picked the one I liked best.\u00a0 I’ll post one section a day but if you want<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,820,179,178,230,180,16,391],"class_list":["post-3337","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-kim-jong-un","tag-lycra-spandexy","tag-morning-shmoe","tag-right-wing-humor","tag-shmoe-browfurrowed","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nMourning Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/06\/mourning-morning-shmoe\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mourning Morning Shmoe - 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