Pitchman\/Host \u2013 Well, that was a fascinating two-hour in-depth discussion on how a tote-bag ended its life as a cat sarcophagus for Mr. Fluffy Pants.\u00a0 And now it\u2019s time for us once again to receive our daily dose of wisdom from Books and Capon.\u00a0 Well, of course only David Books is still on the set.\u00a0 Jonathan Capon had to be let go due to \u201cH.R. 4 \u2013 The Rescission Bill of 2025\u201d stripping us of $1.1 billion of funding and reducing us to this endless round of begathons and hawking those lousy tote bags and crumby umbrellas.\u00a0 Well, anyway hello David.<\/p>\n
David Books \u2013 Hello Barry.\u00a0 Actually, I will have Jonathan Capon on this episode.\u00a0 We have a camera crew out on the street and they ran into him plying his new trade.\u00a0 Hello Jonathan, how is your new career working out for you.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon \u2013 Hello David, hello Barry.\u00a0 Career?\u00a0 Currently I\u2019m living under an overpass in a refrigerator box and I have become the property of Big Bob and his \u201cposse.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not great.\u00a0 However there has been some talk about me taking classes to become a sidewalk mime.\u00a0 Apparently, this would increase my status and Bob might be able to trade me to Carl who has two refrigerator boxes and rules over a corner that has a working fire hydrant.\u00a0 Now that\u2019s hope and change.\u00a0 And how is the fund-raising going back there at the old place?<\/p>\n
David Books \u2013 Well, not so good.\u00a0 I thought I had my mother and sister committed on a tote-bag sale but at the last moment those cheap old bags reneged.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m reduced to cold-calling from the Manhattan reverse directory and avoiding the station manager in the hallways and elevators.\u00a0 And last night when I went to get my car in the parking lot, someone scratched, \u201cALWAYS BE CLOSING\u201d on the driver door.\u00a0 They checked the security camera and I swear the guy looked like Donald Trump.\u00a0 I\u2019m a nervous wreck!<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon \u2013 Yeah, well, compared to keeping Big Bob satisfied I\u2019d say you\u2019re complaining about some real \u201cfirst world problems\u201d Davy boy.\u00a0 Has there been any progress on having H.R. 4 rescinded and restoring us to the good old days.<\/p>\n
David Books \u2013 No, not so much.\u00a0 In fact, last week CBS cancelled Stephen Colbert and the whole Late Show.\u00a0 There\u2019s even talk about Kimmel and Fallon getting canned too.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon \u2013 No!!!\u00a0 How is that possible?\u00a0 CBS is the Tifanny Network.\u00a0 They speak truth to power and hold Trump accountable.<\/p>\n
Pitchman\/Host \u2013 Yeah, well it turns out Tifanny was losing forty-six big ones a year and Daddy\u2019s gotta eat too.\u00a0 So, we all have to do our part around here David.\u00a0 Starting tomorrow we\u2019re gonna have a little sales contest.\u00a0 First prize is a corner office.\u00a0 Second prize is a set of steak knives.\u00a0 Third prize is you join Jonathan and Big Bob in the refrigerator box.\u00a0 And another thing.\u00a0 No more coffee until you sell a tote bag.\u00a0 Coffee is for winners.\u00a0 Losers clean the men\u2019s room after hours.\u00a0 And today is your turn, loser.<\/p>\n
Jonathan Capon \u2013 Well David, maybe I\u2019ll be seeing you around.\u00a0 Better stock up on lifesavers.\u00a0 Big Bob favors wintergreen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Pitchman\/Host \u2013 Well, that was a fascinating two-hour in-depth discussion on how a tote-bag ended its life as a cat sarcophagus for Mr. Fluffy Pants.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[4967,168,4764,230],"class_list":["post-33996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-books-and-capon","tag-humor","tag-pbs","tag-right-wing-humor"],"yoast_head":"\n