{"id":34020,"date":"2025-07-28T05:00:43","date_gmt":"2025-07-28T09:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=34020"},"modified":"2025-07-28T00:25:32","modified_gmt":"2025-07-28T04:25:32","slug":"maybe-he-wasnt-ready-for-his-own-show","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2025\/07\/28\/maybe-he-wasnt-ready-for-his-own-show\/","title":{"rendered":"Maybe He Wasn\u2019t Ready for His Own Show"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So, the First Selectman heard about Stephan Colbert losing his gig with the Late Show and somehow got the idea that maybe he could end up as a replacement on CBS.\u00a0 He called me into his cave and said, \u201cListen Appetizer, I want you to get on the blower with Bill Paley and tell him I have a great idea for a late-night comedy show.\u00a0 I\u2019ll call it \u201cLate Night Selections.\u201d<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cSir I\u2019m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but William Paley died in 1990 at age 89.\u00a0 And currently the parent company of CBS; Paramount Studios, is being acquired by another entertainment company Skydance Media and they have decided that the old-style late-night show is outdated and unprofitable.\u00a0 They have not only not renewed Stephen Colbert\u2019s contract; they have ended the whole Late Night production company.\u00a0 They\u2019ve effectively fired two hundred people in order to save $100 million.\u201d<\/p>\n

This outraged the First Selectman, \u201cWho ever heard of anyone dying at 89.\u00a0 Why I\u2019m in excess of a trillion years old and I\u2019ve never felt better in my life.\u00a0 Sure, I eat healthy and stay away from fatty food like Mexicans and Italians but last time I saw Bill in 1948 he was the picture of health.\u00a0 He was smoking a cigar, drinking a martini and pinching his secretary.\u00a0 You don\u2019t get much livelier than that!\u201d<\/p>\n

I interjected that notwithstanding his fond memories of Mr. Paley it was unfortunately true that new management was in place at the Tifanny Network and perhaps this was not the time for a new late-night show.\u00a0 This got me nowhere and so yesterday I was assigned the task of putting together a stage for this dynamic new production.\u00a0 As luck would have it, I read an ad for Colbert\u2019s extra furniture going up for sale and picked it up for a song.\u00a0 I think it was being sold hot by the disgruntled stage crew.<\/p>\n

Well with a little alteration to allow the five hundred foot tall First Selectman to interact with human sized guests on the stage we had it up and running this morning in time to go through some try-outs.\u00a0 As luck would have it Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi and Elizabeth Warren were all hoping to get some extra face time during Trump\u2019s problems over the Epstein case so the First Selectman was able to book all three of them for his trial run.<\/p>\n

Well, there were problems.\u00a0 During the first segment Schiff began banging the drum about Donald Trump being a fascist.\u00a0 Now the first Selectman used to be a close personal friend of Mussolini so he innocently said, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with being a fascist.\u201d\u00a0 Well, Schiff went ballistic and started going through his talking points about Trump assaulting women and being a felon and starting an insurrection and before you know it, he was calling the First Selectman a reactionary.\u00a0 Well, this didn\u2019t sit well with the First Selectman so he ate Schiff.\u00a0 And when Pelosi and Warren saw this from the wings, they came running out screeching at a very high pitch.\u00a0 As it happens the First Selectman is very sensitive to the particular frequency so in self-defense, he quieted them by eating them.<\/p>\n

Well, the booking agency was very upset and said they couldn\u2019t provide any more guests, except maybe AOC and Mamdani because nobody likes them anyway but the First Selectman said Puerto Rican and Middle Eastern food gave him the runs.\u00a0 So, he\u2019s given up on the whole show idea.\u00a0 It\u2019s all very sad.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, the First Selectman heard about Stephan Colbert losing his gig with the Late Show and somehow got the idea that maybe he could end<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[288,3366,1289,1263],"tags":[3341,4638,168,1290],"class_list":["post-34020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-life-in-dunwich","category-fiction-by-me","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-dunwich","tag-first-selectman-cthulhu","tag-humor","tag-my-fiction"],"yoast_head":"\nMaybe He Wasn\u2019t Ready for His Own Show - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2025\/07\/28\/maybe-he-wasnt-ready-for-his-own-show\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Maybe He Wasn\u2019t Ready for His Own Show - 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