{"id":34053,"date":"2025-07-31T05:00:43","date_gmt":"2025-07-31T09:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=34053"},"modified":"2025-07-30T21:42:05","modified_gmt":"2025-07-31T01:42:05","slug":"just-leave-the-bow-tie-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2025\/07\/31\/just-leave-the-bow-tie-home\/","title":{"rendered":"Just Leave the Bow Tie Home"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker<\/strong> \u2013 It\u2019s Friday on the News Hour and that used to mean our weekly pilgrimage over to the desk of our resident sages David Books and Jonathan Capon.\u00a0 But as you know budget cuts forced us to part ways with Jonathan.\u00a0 And now the second round of layoffs has done the same to David.\u00a0 But all is not lost.\u00a0 We have arranged a teleconference with them at their new employer the Chevy Chase branch of the Red Lobster.\u00a0 Gentlemen, can you hear me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David Books<\/strong> \u2013 Yes, I can.\u00a0 As you can see, I\u2019m the assistant manager here at Red Lobster and happy to have landed on my feet as it were.\u00a0 And I\u2019m relieved to say that Jonathan has escaped from the refrigerator box under the overpass and is one of my most promising new waiters.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan Capon<\/strong> \u2013 Well the jury is still out on this whole gig.\u00a0 I was promised all the shrimp I could eat and generous tippers.\u00a0 Well, the shrimp is tiny and the tips are sub-par.\u00a0 But we\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n<p><strong>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker<\/strong> \u2013 Tonight we wanted to get your sense of the Trump economy.\u00a0 Last quarter\u2019s GDP was up 3% which is quite robust but we were hoping you could throw your usual cold water on the Trump parade for our viewers\u2019 amusement.<\/p>\n<p><strong>David Books<\/strong> \u2013 Well normally I\u2019d gleefully accommodate you.\u00a0 But working in retail and in a very tenuous part of it I have to say I\u2019m praying on my knees each night before bed that Trump pulls off all the miracles he can.\u00a0 Now that I\u2019m part of the great unwashed and have lost my sinecure at your underfunded hothouse media company my whole attitude has taken a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got kids in expensive private colleges and if I can\u2019t come up with twenty grand this semester those kids will be coming home and taking over my rec-room.\u00a0 So, as much as it pains me to say \u201cGod bless Donald Trump!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker<\/strong> \u2013 How about you Jonathan?\u00a0 Surely you must have some of your trademark snit for Trump and his economy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan Capon<\/strong> \u2013 Look, I don\u2019t have time for this.\u00a0 There are fourteen orders of King Crab Legs and a giant crab cake that are starting to get cold.\u00a0 If I don\u2019t move my gay little butt pronto, I\u2019ll be bouncing out the door on it without a paycheck.\u00a0 So, make up whatever cute little anecdotes you want for your tote-bag fixated geriatric audience but for those of us below eighty we\u2019ve got to make a living.\u00a0 All I can say is thank Trump for deporting those five Congolese guys that showed up last week.\u00a0 I could never have outworked them and one of them kept pinching my butt and I think he had monkey pox.<\/p>\n<p><strong>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker<\/strong> \u2013 Well, there you have it.\u00a0 Trump\u2019s American hellscape has destroyed the intelligence and the objectivity of two former beacons of cultured intellect and turned them into knuckle-dragging Trump sycophants.\u00a0 A truly discouraging side-effect of the 2025 defunding of PBS.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Security Agent<\/strong> \u2013 Okay pal, here\u2019s your termination notice.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got your stuff in a box so just take off the microphone and head for that door.<\/p>\n<p><strong>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker<\/strong> \u2013 David, David.\u00a0 Is there room for me at the Red Lobster?<\/p>\n<p><strong>David Books<\/strong> \u2013 Sure Barry.\u00a0 There\u2019s always room for everyone in Donald Trump\u2019s America.\u00a0 Just leave the bow tie home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>PBS Anchor\/Carnival Barker \u2013 It\u2019s Friday on the News Hour and that used to mean our weekly pilgrimage over to the desk of our resident<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[4967,390,4764],"class_list":["post-34053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-books-and-capon","tag-conservative-humor","tag-pbs"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Just Leave the Bow Tie Home - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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