{"id":36736,"date":"2026-04-30T05:00:33","date_gmt":"2026-04-30T09:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=36736"},"modified":"2026-04-29T20:48:30","modified_gmt":"2026-04-30T00:48:30","slug":"a-quaint-dunwich-custom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2026\/04\/30\/a-quaint-dunwich-custom\/","title":{"rendered":"A Quaint Dunwich Custom"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In Dunwich the end of April is both an important time of the year agriculturally but also a time of great stress.\u00a0 It is at this time that the great skunk cabbage harvest occurs.\u00a0 Dunwich keeps ten thousand acres in skunk cabbage cultivation.\u00a0 And depending on the phase of the moon sometime between the middle of April and the middle of May all of it must be harvested and processed for First Selectman Cthulhu\u2019s Vernal Feast.\u00a0 All of the cabbage is sent through an homogenizer and then mixed 1:1 with liquified cow manure and then pumped through a high-pressure hose directly into the First Selectman\u2019s maw.\u00a0 At one hundred gallons a minute this takes about six hours to transfer.<\/p>\n

After that there is an eight-hour fermentation stage within the First Selectman\u2019s alimentary canal after which this process produces a gaseous effluvium that exits at a very high flow rate at about a thousand standard cubic feet a second under considerable pressure.\u00a0 Now this gas not only smells disgusting but it is as poisonous as phosgene so it must be mixed with air and immediately sent through a combustion nozzle.\u00a0 The outlet gas still smells unbelievably bad but it is thus rendered non-lethal.<\/p>\n

The combustion goes on for ten hours during which time the First Selectman likes to read an improving book or watch classic movies as entertainment.\u00a0 It takes a crew of two hundred of the stoutest Dunwich men to complete the full process.\u00a0 And it is an exhausting and psychologically scarring ordeal to say the least.\u00a0 During this time most of the inhabitants of Dunwich vacate the town for about a week until the odor abates to a significant degree.<\/p>\n

Over the years there have been attempts at Board of Selectmen Meetings to change the town bylaws to eliminate the \u201cfeast.\u201d\u00a0 Usually, the first Selectman eats whoever adds the motion to the agenda and the motion fails unanimously.\u00a0 Usually this is some newcomer to town who doesn\u2019t understand the nuance of having a Great Old One as a town official.<\/p>\n

But there are some \u201cadvantages\u201d to this process.\u00a0 Rodents flee the town for at least two months after the ceremony and flies are so confused by the smell that they forget to eat and just weaken and die.\u00a0 So, things are pretty vermin-free around town until autumn.\u00a0 So, we\u2019ve got that going for us.<\/p>\n

There was a funny incident last year when a state environmental officer showed up and demanded that the skunk cabbage harvest be stopped because it was a native plant that was protected against commercial harvest.\u00a0 He barged into the First Selectman\u2019s office and threatened him with arrest.\u00a0 Cthulhu seemed impressed with the officer\u2019s courage and asked if he\u2019d like to see the skunk cabbage field.\u00a0 They walked over to the farm and then he planted the officer head first into the ground and applied a couple of gentle pats of his right hand to firmly smooth out his resting place.\u00a0 And that was that.\u00a0 Have a happy skunk cabbage feast everybody!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Farmer Cthulhu in His Fields<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Dunwich the end of April is both an important time of the year agriculturally but also a time of great stress.\u00a0 It is at<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,3366,1263],"tags":[3341,4638,3687],"class_list":["post-36736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-life-in-dunwich","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-dunwich","tag-first-selectman-cthulhu","tag-skunk-cabbage"],"yoast_head":"\nA Quaint Dunwich Custom - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2026\/04\/30\/a-quaint-dunwich-custom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Quaint Dunwich Custom - 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