So, we\u2019re heading into day three of the yellowish\/brownish\/greyish-sky world.\u00a0 Apparently, Canada is burning to the ground and we\u2019ll be buried in a five-hundred-foot pile of ash by sometime around Labor Day.\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s for a good cause after all.\u00a0 Once all of the Canadians have been incinerated, we can proceed to frack all the hydrocarbons out of the ground and turn the Great White North into a theme park of some sort.\u00a0 Of course, the only Canadian I knew well was actually a great guy.\u00a0 He was a French Canadian and he had a fantastic sense of humor and was a great fan of American pop culture.\u00a0 And he was amazingly honest.\u00a0 He was a great believer that Quebec should secede from Canada and was bitterly disappointed that his countrymen voted No on the referendum.\u00a0 But his pride in his French identity remained strong.\u00a0 Until, that is, his company transferred him to the Paris office.\u00a0 It was like a dream come true.\u00a0 But when he got there and tried to embrace his long-lost French brethren, they told him quite insultingly that he wasn\u2019t French, he was \u201cNorth American!\u201d\u00a0 His heart was broken.\u00a0 But he rebounded and from then on, he recognized himself to be a North American.<\/p>\n
Well, I hope he\u2019s still living here in the States because based on the weight of ash weighing down my roof, I have to assume the only thing left uncarbonized up there is Hudson Bay.\u00a0 Now I know that Canada has embraced physician assisted suicide so hopefully one of the prescribed methods is roasting because that would be relatively economical at this juncture.\u00a0 I mean all you have to do is head northwest and eventually you\u2019ll find the flame wall and after that it should be fairly simple to achieve unalive.<\/p>\n
But I mustn\u2019t sell Canada short.\u00a0 It did give us John Candy and the SC TV troupe.\u00a0 Interestingly, they always portrayed Americans in their most popular movies so I don\u2019t know if it was their Canadian-ness that made them so funny.\u00a0 And I guess we also got Mike Myers from them too.\u00a0 And they have oil, coal, gas, gold, uranium and lumber so Canada used to have a lot of potential before it burned to the ground.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Trump will figure out a way to monetize what\u2019s left of it.\u00a0 Whatever that idea will be, it will include branding the enterprise with the name \u201cTrump\u201d somehow.\u00a0 Although maybe instead he\u2019ll rename it West Greenland because he really liked the whole Greenland acquisition idea.<\/p>\n
From my own point of view, if I was looking for a way to renovate a carbonized Canada, I think I\u2019d give the whole thing back to the Indians.\u00a0 Why not.\u00a0 It\u2019s enormous and loaded with valuable resources and the people living there are annoying, so give it to the people who they\u2019re always saying they stole it from.\u00a0 If they feel so bad about their theft then let them assuage their guilt and finally shut up about it.\u00a0 But the deal will be that they\u2019ll have to do a much better job of putting out forest fires.\u00a0 We can loan them Smokey the Bear.\u00a0 Seems fair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So, we\u2019re heading into day three of the yellowish\/brownish\/greyish-sky world.\u00a0 Apparently, Canada is burning to the ground and we\u2019ll be buried in a five-hundred-foot pile<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,1263],"tags":[3536],"class_list":["post-37463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-canada"],"yoast_head":"\n