{"id":37559,"date":"2026-07-27T05:00:01","date_gmt":"2026-07-27T09:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=37559"},"modified":"2026-07-26T21:17:51","modified_gmt":"2026-07-27T01:17:51","slug":"having-the-relatives-over","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2026\/07\/27\/having-the-relatives-over\/","title":{"rendered":"Having the Relatives Over"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Farmer Cthulhu in His Fields<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

So, this week, in the middle of all the usual crises in Dunwich I got a visit from the First Selectman.\u00a0 I was out in the fields when suddenly the shadow of a five-hundred-foot eldritch horror darkened my path.\u00a0 Now tact is always the key survival trait when dealing with the First Selectman.\u00a0 So, I greeted him respectfully and asked him to what I owed the honor of his attention.<\/p>\n

He got right to the point.\u00a0 His kin were having a visit to Dunwich and he wanted to make sure they had a nice stay.\u00a0 Well, when Azathoth, Yog-Sothoth and Nyarlathotep come to town, they\u2019re bound to be hungry from the interdimensional transit and will expect something substantial with which to restore the tissues.\u00a0 So, Cthulhu wanted me to arrange the menu.\u00a0 Since Dunwich is a farming town, I suggested cattle.\u00a0 He gave me a shake of his cephalopodic head and reminded me that all three visitors were obligate anthropophages.\u00a0 Well, that would make this a tricky assignment.\u00a0 Even though I\u2019m regularly fed up with most of my neighbors, I\u2019m not really comfortable with them being eaten alive by monsters from beyond space.\u00a0 And I especially don\u2019t want to be the one feeding them to the hideous entities.\u00a0 But neither did I want to be next on the menu for refusing.\u00a0 So, what to do?<\/p>\n

Well, it took a little work but by the creative lowering of our fairground fees I was able to attract and book the Democratic Socialists of America\u2019s New England political rally for that weekend.\u00a0 And wouldn\u2019t you know Graham Plattner was the keynote speaker!\u00a0 Now without a doubt an oysterman would provide just the tang of New England cuisine that the First Selectman\u2019s family would find irresistible.\u00a0 My plan is to let the rally reach a crescendo of communistic agitation and then use a couple of fire houses to marinate the crowd.\u00a0 I gave the First Selectman his choice of sauces; classic Worcestershire cocktail, garlic butter, Bang Bang or a Remoulade.\u00a0 Being old fashioned he went with the garlic butter.<\/p>\n

I know, I know.\u00a0 What kind of heartless monster would feed his fellow humans to creatures of cosmic horror.\u00a0 I did think a while about it.\u00a0 But then I remembered that Bernie Sanders and AOC were also supposed to be attending.\u00a0 So that seemed to assuage my conscience.<\/p>\n

But today I had new pangs of guilt.\u00a0 I mean Azathoth, Yog-Sothoth and Nyarlathotep have never caused me any harm and here I was feeding them some of the most toxic creatures on the planet.\u00a0 I mean, what if they got really sick.\u00a0 It would be my fault.\u00a0 At the very least maybe I should provide a photo of Plattner to the Great Old Ones and warn them that he probably had at least a sixty-proof rating and anyone with an alcohol problem should probably steer clear of the pugnacious oysterman and stick to something a little less spicy.\u00a0 Well, anyway, the First Selectman seems pleased with the menu.\u00a0 That\u2019s something.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, this week, in the middle of all the usual crises in Dunwich I got a visit from the First Selectman.\u00a0 I was out in<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[288,3366,1289,1263,4],"tags":[5256,3341,4638],"class_list":["post-37559","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-life-in-dunwich","category-fiction-by-me","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","category-sff","tag-democratic-socialists-of-america","tag-dunwich","tag-first-selectman-cthulhu"],"yoast_head":"\nHaving the Relatives Over - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2026\/07\/27\/having-the-relatives-over\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Having the Relatives Over - 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