Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT);<\/p>\n
Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP)<\/p>\n
Scene 1- 8am White House West Wing; Oval Office<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike.\u00a0 Mike.\u00a0 PENCE!!!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Right here Mr. President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike, I can\u2019t take it anymore.\u00a0 That rat Cohen talking to Mueller is the end.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to pull the plug on that stiff.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Mr. President, that could be a disaster for the mid-terms.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I don\u2019t care.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had it with this nonsense.\u00a0 Once I fire Mueller I\u2019ll have him indicted six ways to Sunday for all kinds of crap we\u2019ve already got on him and then I\u2019ll be able to get going on important stuff like that bill to move the UN from New York to Newark.\u00a0 It\u2019s such a subtle difference in pronunciation that no one will notice until the carjackings start piling up.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 But Jeff Sessions said he\u2019d resign if you fire Mueller.<\/p>\n
PT -Who cares?\u00a0 He\u2019s utterly useless.\u00a0 I had to order him to discontinue Comey\u2019s phone plan four times before he finally got around to it.\u00a0 Besides I\u2019ve got a great new Attorney General lined up already.\u00a0 And he\u2019s between gigs so we\u2019ll get him cheap.\u00a0 Steven Seagal.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 But Mr. President, isn\u2019t Steven Seagal under investigation for rape?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 He\u2019s assured me that it\u2019s fake news.\u00a0 Besides he was a sheriff down in Texas so he knows about the law.\u00a0 With him as the AG we\u2019ll finally start cleaning out the swamp.\u00a0 We\u2019ve discussed what kind of prosecutions we can get against CNN reporters who try to ask questions without being picked by me to speak.\u00a0 He figures that a ten-year sentence would be fair.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Wait, no!\u00a0 You can\u2019t do that.\u00a0 Freedom of the Press is in the Bill of Rights.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 This has nothing to do with Freedom of the Press.\u00a0 It\u2019s about jumping ahead in a line.\u00a0 No one likes a line jumper.\u00a0 The American people hate a line jumper and they will applaud the punishing of line jumpers.\u00a0 I\u2019m hoping I can get that worm Jim Acosta to talk out of turn.\u00a0 Seagal says he\u2019ll personally make the arrest by body slamming Acosta to the ground and tossing him out of the ring, I mean the Press Briefing Room.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Mr. President, please trust me, there is no court in the country that would even consider prosecuting reporters for shouting out a question out of turn at a press conference.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike that\u2019s just the kind of defeatist thing that JEB! or Romney would say.\u00a0 Now Seagal is due here in a couple of hours so be ready to brainstorm with us.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 But I\u2019m sure he\u2019s about to be indicted.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Fine.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just pardon him and we can move on.\u00a0 Now we\u2019re gonna want to decide whether to just fire the whole FBI or also terminate all those alphabet soup agencies, you know, the CIA, the NSA, blah, blah, blah.\u00a0 You know clear out all those losers.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Mr. President, that\u2019s impossible.\u00a0 Those agencies are critical parts of the law enforcement and security apparatus.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike, you sound a little hysterical.\u00a0 I think you should take a few weeks off and see if this job is for you.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not up to the challenge I hear that Chuck Norris is between gigs, except for that infomercial for the exercise machine with Christy Brinkley and those other old losers.\u00a0 We could probably get him cheap and he could help Seagal drag Acosta down to the lock-up.\u00a0 I figure they could even rough him up a good bit before handing him over to the police.\u00a0 Acosta has said some pretty mean things about me in the past.\u00a0 It would serve him right if they tuned him up a little bit.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sir, this is insane.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Look Mike I\u2019m bored.\u00a0 Something\u2019s got to give.\u00a0 Either you figure out how to end this Mueller thing right away or I\u2019m bringing in Seagal.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Very well, Mr. President.\u00a0 Fire Mueller and accept Jeff Sessions\u2019 resignation.\u00a0 I guess we can trust to your luck to get us through the ensuing Impeachment Trial.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That\u2019s the spirit Mike.\u00a0 After all Bill Clinton was impeached and it didn\u2019t stop him did it?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Wow.\u00a0 That\u2019s a stunning sentiment.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Cheer up Mike.\u00a0 If worst comes to worst you\u2019ll be President.\u00a0 That won\u2019t be so bad will it?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Actually Mr. President, after serving with you for the last year or so, I\u2019m not sure I want to be President anymore.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Suit yourself.\u00a0 If Norris isn\u2019t available there\u2019s always Dolph Lundgren.\u00a0 I hear he\u2019s between gigs and we could probably get him cheap.\u00a0 Oh wait he\u2019s a russky that wouldn\u2019t look good.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Actually he\u2019s Swedish.\u00a0 He just played a Russian in Rocky IV.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Whatever.\u00a0 Now get me Sly Stallone on the phone. \u00a0I hear he\u2019s between gigs and we could get him to be FBI Director for almost nothing.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Oy vey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dramatis Personae: President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence \u2013 (VPP) Scene 1- 8am White House West Wing; Oval Office PT \u2013 Mike.\u00a0 Mike.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[390,249,168,372,247,230,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-3821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-conservative-humor","tag-fire-mueller","tag-humor","tag-mike-pence","tag-mueller","tag-right-wing-humor","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n