[Announcer]:\u00a0 We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast of some utterly meaningless reality show to bring you the already in progress televised presentation of President Trump\u2019s campaign rally for Incumbent Republican Senator Rathbone Bamboozle from the Great State of Northeast Meetah.\u00a0 And here is the President.<\/p>\n
[President Trump]:\u00a0 Thank you Senator Bamboozle for that rambling incoherent introduction.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t understand everything you said because you are so falling down drunk but from what I heard I disagree with about every fourth word.\u00a0 Good evening ladies and gentlemen.\u00a0 I\u2019m here tonight to convince you to get out and vote for Senator Bamboozle.\u00a0 Looking back on his long and storied career of graft, corruption, featherbedding and just plain influence peddling it\u2019s hard to believe that I can actually find a single reason to recommend him.\u00a0 I mean look at him.\u00a0 He\u2019s an old, fat, drunken, dishonest SOB and he\u2019s hideously ugly to boot.\u00a0 In a better world, I\u2019d be urging the Senate Majority Leader to proffer charges against him prior to expulsion from the Senate and if it\u2019s still permitted I\u2019d have him bullwhipped out of the Capitol Building.\u00a0 But we don\u2019t live in a better world.\u00a0 In this world your choice is this worthless bag of crap or a Democrat.\u00a0 So, relatively speaking, the bag of crap is the better man.\u00a0 If the Democrats get in, we can expect them to stonewall all further progress on job creation, tax relief, trade improvement and immigration control.\u00a0 We\u2019ll have no further progress on an honest Supreme Court and we\u2019ll end up with socialism and reverse racism tainting every law and government program.<\/p>\n
I remember just last year Rathbone Bamboozle declared in the pit of the Senate that he would do everything in his power to see that my presidency failed.\u00a0 He said that my positions on immigration and trade were un-American.\u00a0 He swore that he would oppose any policy that I championed and swore that he would petition the FBI to prosecute me on charges that I colluded with the Russians against Crooked Hillary.<\/p>\n
Well, that was then, this is now.\u00a0 Senator Bamboozle is thirty points under water in the polls and his wife has left him for the local termite inspection guy who works his neighborhood.\u00a0 She said he associates with a better class of individuals than her husband.\u00a0 So, after he begged me on his hands and knees and the political spin doctors assured me that we need his seat to move forward with our agenda, I agreed very reluctantly to come here and ask you long suffering people to bring this loser back to the Senate.\u00a0 I can\u2019t claim that he will be a better Senator or a better man but I can promise you that once I have enough votes in the Senate to not need his sorry butt around anymore, I\u2019ll have him investigated by the IRS and sent to prison for at least twenty years.\u00a0 (turning around to the dais) You hear that Rathbone?\u00a0 Better start a weight training program.\u00a0 Prison is a pretty tough gig.<\/p>\n
So, in conclusion, vote for this bum.\u00a0 I\u2019ve written a new campaign slogan for him.\u00a0 Tell me what you think.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s a worthless, evil, conniving bastard, but he\u2019s not Satan himself.\u201d\u00a0 (the crowd gives him a standing ovation) Trump out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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