Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump (PT); Secretary of Defense James \u201cMad Dog\u201d Mattis (JM)<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 Monday 8am White House West Wing \u2013 Oval Office \u2013 President Trump behind his desk in a private meeting with James Mattis<\/strong><\/p>\n PT \u2013 Mad Dog, I need your help with a personnel problem.\u00a0 I have to find a replacement for Jeff Sessions.\u00a0 He\u2019s scared of what he has to do to clean out the Justice Department.<\/p>\n JM \u2013 Mr. President, do you think I\u2019m the right man to help you fill that job?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 You\u2019ll have to be.\u00a0 The new AG can\u2019t be another political hack.\u00a0 The man I\u2019m looking for has to be a cross between Machiavelli and Attila the Hun.\u00a0 In fact I wish I had the time to do the job myself but I\u2019ve got a bunch of golf scheduled for the fall and winter months so I\u2019ve got to delegate.<\/p>\n JM \u2013 Machiavelli and Attila the Hun?\u00a0 That\u2019s a tough one.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have to do some digging.\u00a0 When are you looking for an answer?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 No rush, how about 10 am?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 Ayyy\u2026sure.\u00a0 Let me get going and I\u2019ll be back at ten.<\/p>\n Scene 2 \u2013 10 am same day, same location, same people<\/strong><\/p>\n PT \u2013 Alright Mad Dog, what have you got?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 It\u2019s a short list but the candidates are all highly qualified.\u00a0 First up we have Colonel Joshua Stebbins.\u00a0 He was an FOB commander in Iraq.\u00a0 He lead his men into battle and on patrol for three years.\u00a0 He was wounded severely three times but always returned to action and never failed to inspire his men by taking the point on all hazardous assignments.\u00a0 So much so that when he was injured his unit typically risked life and limb to rescue him and get him to medical attention.\u00a0 He was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for single-handedly saving a school full of Iraqi children by knocking over a suicide bomber and holding him down until his vest went off.\u00a0 Luckily most of the shrapnel was absorbed by bomber\u2019s torso and the ground.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Sounds kind of sentimental.\u00a0 Not tough enough.\u00a0 Pass.\u00a0 Who\u2019s next?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 Wow!\u00a0 Okay, the next one is definitely tougher but less disciplined.\u00a0 Sergeant Russell Burdens was a Special Forces operator in Afghanistan for five years.\u00a0 He was finally discharged due to court martial conviction for excessive brutality while interrogating high level Taliban personnel during his operations behind enemy lines in Afghanistan and Pakistan.\u00a0 He always achieved his mission objectives but the details of his reports horrified even the most callous Special Forces personnel that he worked with.\u00a0 The final nail in the coffin was the discovery of his ear collection.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Sounds like a pretty good fit but I\u2019m not a big fan of ear collections.\u00a0 Very unsanitary.\u00a0 Put him in the maybe pile.\u00a0 What else have you got?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 Maybe pile.\u00a0 Okay, I\u2019ve got one more candidate.\u00a0 He\u2019s a highly unsavory character and mentally unstable to say the least.\u00a0 Hannibal Lector.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 You mean the Silence of the Lambs guy?\u00a0 But he\u2019s a fictional character.<\/p>\n JM \u2013 I thought so too.\u00a0 But it turns out he\u2019s real.\u00a0 Apparently Harris based the book on the actual Lector and toned the events down in order to make it more believable.\u00a0 The real Lector is much more dangerous than the fictional character.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 More dangerous than The Silence of the Lambs guy.\u00a0 Sounds about right.\u00a0 When can we get him in for an interview?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 He\u2019s currently in a Maryland\u00a0 insane asylum.\u00a0 He\u2019s\u00a0 in a strait jacket, muzzle, leg shackles and\u00a0 on a thorazine drip just to make him safe enough to work around.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well that\u2019s not very convenient.\u00a0 Can we arrange a Skype?<\/p>\n JM \u2013 I\u2019ll get right on it.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Yeah, see if we can make it happen for noon.\u00a0 I have a half round scheduled this afternoon with the Prime Minister of Japan and I don\u2019t want to keep him waiting.<\/p>\n JM \u2013 \u2026\u2026, Yes, Mr. President.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n