Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 1<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump (PT); Senator Mitch McConnell (MM); Senator Chuck Schumer (CS); Hannibal Lecter (HL);<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 White House, West Wing, Oval Office 8am Monday<\/p>\n
President Trump seated behind his desk, Mitch McConnell standing nervously in front of him.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Look Mitch, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s the big deal about this.\u00a0 I need a new Attorney General and you have the votes.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get it over with.<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 Mr. President, that\u2019s absurd.\u00a0 You\u2019re nominating a psychopathic murderer who\u2019s also a cannibal for Attorney General of the United States.\u00a0 How do you call that no big deal?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 How does that differ from Janet Reno or Eric Holder?<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 At the very least because they weren\u2019t cannibals!<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That we know of you mean.\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s very hard to prove a negative you know.<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 Mr. President, I\u2019m not sure the American people will stand for this.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I think this is exactly what the American people have been waiting for.\u00a0 Jeff Sessions was weak and ineffective.\u00a0 Hannibal will get results and hack away at the dead wood.\u00a0 Now go out there and make us proud of you Mitch.\u00a0 Good luck.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 2 \u2013 US Capitol Building; Senate Floor \u2013 Monday 11am<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 The chair recognizes the senior senator from the great state of New York, Charles Schumer.<\/p>\n
CS \u2013 Mr. Chairman, fellow senators, what the hell!\u00a0 Are we seriously going to debate consenting to the Department of Justice being run by a cannibal?\u00a0 What\u2019s next?\u00a0 Will we have Health and Human Services run by a witch doctor?\u00a0 I mean, come on!\u00a0 I will not let these proceeding continue.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have the news networks crucify you all to kingdom come.<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 Senator Schumer, will you take a question from the nominee?<\/p>\n
CS \u2013 Sure I could use a laugh.\u00a0 What would the cannibal like to know?<\/p>\n
HL \u2013 Hello Chuck.\u00a0 It\u2019s good to see you in such robust good health.\u00a0 But you seem to have put on a few pounds.\u00a0 Careful, careful.\u00a0 Marbling of the sirloin, uh, I mean hardening of the arteries can be tricky.\u00a0 Anyway, I would like to know if you are aware that I have been given a full pardon? Now if I don\u2019t get the Attorney General\u2019s position I\u2019ll be out of work.\u00a0 In that case I\u2019m considering restarting my private practice.\u00a0 I was shown a nice office, loft, kitchen arrangement in Soho.\u00a0 I hear you live there and I was wondering if you might have time to inspect it with me and give your opinion of the space.\u00a0 You know since we\u2019ll be neighbors and all.<\/p>\n
CS \u2013 Mr. Chairman on reconsideration I don\u2019t see why we can\u2019t have this nomination voted on this morning.\u00a0 Plus, I really have to be leaving.\u00a0 I\u2019ve suddenly realized that I need to move to another neighborhood right away.\u00a0 Good bye. (flies down the chamber aisle at an impressive sprint).<\/p>\n
MM \u2013 Well if there are no further questions I think I\u2019ll let the nominee leave to allow us to vote.\u00a0 Thank you Dr. Lecter.\u00a0 And I\u2019d just like to state for the record that I\u2019ve lost seven pounds this month and have often been described as stringy and tough.<\/p>\n
HL \u2013 Thank you Mr. Senator.\u00a0 Duly noted.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 4<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below) Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 1 Dramatis<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[143,168,534,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-4109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-drain-the-swamp","tag-humor","tag-jeff-sessions","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n
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