{"id":4113,"date":"2018-08-29T22:13:27","date_gmt":"2018-08-30T02:13:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=4113"},"modified":"2018-08-29T22:24:14","modified_gmt":"2018-08-30T02:24:14","slug":"trump-vs-the-new-attorney-general-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/29\/trump-vs-the-new-attorney-general-part-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below)<\/p>\n

Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 1<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump (PT); \u00a0Hannibal Lecter (HL); \u00a0Dental Assistant Susan Day (SD);\u00a0 James Comey (JC);<\/p>\n

Scene 1 \u2013 White House, West Wing, Oval Office 8am Monday<\/strong><\/p>\n

(President Trump sitting behind his desk and Attorney General Lecter standing in front of him)<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Well, uhh, Doctor Lecter, how do you want to proceed?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 I plan to \u201cinterview\u201d former Director Comey first.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Do you think you can get him to open up?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 A prescient choice of words.\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n

Scene 2 \u2013 Dr. Goodman\u2019s Dental Office \u2013 Monday 2pm<\/strong><\/p>\n

(James Comey, reclining in the dental chair, while Dental Assistant, Susan Day prepares him for his dental examination)<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 I\u2019m surprised Dr. Goodman wasn\u2019t available for my appointment.<\/p>\n

SD \u2013 He was called away unexpectedly but he phoned to say Dr. Retcel would fill in today.\u00a0 The Doctor just arrived and will be with you directly.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to go now but you\u2019re in good hands.\u00a0 (leaves the office)<\/p>\n

(Dr. Lecter enters in surgical mask and gown)<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Why hello Director Comey.\u00a0 I hope you are comfortable.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to start the examination now but in accordance with my painless dentistry philosophy and just to make sure you don\u2019t experience even the least discomfort I\u2019ll be using a local anesthetic.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 Oh good, what anesthetic do you use?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 (as he injects Comey in the neck)\u00a0 Sodium pentothal.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!\u00a0 (slumps into unconsciousness)<\/p>\n

Scene 3 \u2013 Same location 3 hours later <\/strong><\/p>\n

(Comey slowly regaining consciousness, Lecter facing him with a big smile on his face)<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Director Comey, how good it is to see you awake.\u00a0 For a little while there it didn\u2019t look good.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 What is this?\u00a0 What did you do to me?<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 Funny story, after you confessed to the Russian collusion conspiracy and explained the roles of all your co-conspirators I was feeling mischievous.\u00a0 I\u2019m a big fan of the fictional character named after me.\u00a0 There\u2019s a scene in one of the films where my namesake sets up a formal dinner and as the piece de resistance pops the top off of the FBI agent\u2019s head and while the agent is still conversing with the other diners the fictional Lecter proceeds to serve everyone a meal from the frontal lobes of the agent\u2019s brain.\u00a0 It\u2019s a real hoot.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 You monster!\u00a0 You\u2019re going to eat my brain?\u00a0 No, no, no, no, please, please, please, nooooo!<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Oh this embarrassing, how can I say this politely, I won\u2019t be eating your brain.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t quite right.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 What do you mean?\u00a0 My brain is plenty good enough.\u00a0 What are you a snob?\u00a0 I graduated from the College of William and Mary majoring in chemistry and religion.\u00a0 I\u2019m plenty smart.<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 No, sure, it\u2019s not like that, it\u2019s just that there really wasn\u2019t enough there for a meal and the color and texture was just a little \u2026\u2026 shall we say special.\u00a0 So, I applied some crazy glue along the rim of the skull and plopped it back on.\u00a0 You\u2019re good as new, mostly.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 Mostly?\u00a0 Whaddya mean mostly?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Well, it\u2019s the craziest thing.\u00a0 You know that super glue stuff.\u00a0 It sets so damn fast.\u00a0 You\u2019ve really got to be so careful lining things up ahead of time and getting it just right.\u00a0 Well anyway, somehow, I had the top backwards and when I realized it, it was already set up and so, there we are.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 There we are?\u00a0 Where the hell are we?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 (holding up a hand mirror to Comey) Well look.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 What the (bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep) My hairline starts at my eyebrows!<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 And the fullest bushiest hairline I\u2019ve ever seen.\u00a0 And see, your sideburns still line up perfectly.\u00a0 You should be very proud.<\/p>\n

JC \u2013 Why you crazy (bleep)\u2019in maniac.\u00a0 How can I be seen in public like this?<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Relax, just shave your forehead every morning and no one will be any the wiser, mostly.<\/p>\n

JC -I\u2019ll get you, if it\u2019s the last thing I do, you psychopathic maniac!<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Temper, temper.\u00a0 Now remember a few things.\u00a0 I\u2019m the Attorney General of the United States.\u00a0 I am in possession of a videotaped confession of all your crimes and misdemeanors.\u00a0 In addition, although your brain is sub-par, as sirloin you seem to be exquisite stock.\u00a0 So why don\u2019t we just part company for now.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be calling for you to testify before the new special counsel and it would benefit you greatly to cut a reasonably moderate deal.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say you serve twenty years, maybe fifteen with good behavior.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to catch a plane now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll let you see yourself out.<\/p>\n

Scene 4 \u2013 White House, West Wing, Oval Office 2 month later<\/strong><\/p>\n

(President Trump sitting behind his desk and Attorney General Lecter standing in front of him)<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Well congratulations, Dr. Lecter you\u2019ve come through 100%.\u00a0 We\u2019ve cleaned out the whole Justice Department and you didn\u2019t have to eat a single civil servant.<\/p>\n

HL \u2013 Thanks.\u00a0 But honestly after seeing the quality of meat on display I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll never be able to eat human flesh again.\u00a0 It was just too much of a turn off.\u00a0 In fact, working for the Federal Government has been so demoralizing that I am going to request to be returned permanently to the asylum.\u00a0 Now that I\u2019ve seen the true face of evil, the banality has scared me straight.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Too bad.\u00a0 We\u2019ll miss your cheerful and humorous banter.\u00a0 But there is one consolation, James Comey was just committed to your old alma mater so you two will be neighbors.<\/p>\n

HL -There goes the neighborhood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below) Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 1   Dramatis<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 4 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/08\/29\/trump-vs-the-new-attorney-general-part-4\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs the New Attorney General \u2013 Part 4 - 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