Dramatis Personae: President Trump (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Brett Kavanaugh (BK);<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 White House West Wing; 5pm Monday; Oval Office<\/strong><\/p>\n (President Trump seated behind his desk and Vice President Pence standing nervously in front of him)<\/p>\n PT \u2013 I tell you Mike, this Kavanaugh guy is a stiff.\u00a0 Those democrat hyenas are howling around him just waiting for the kill.\u00a0 He just sits there writing down all the gibberish they spout. \u00a0I\u2019ve got to do something.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Mr. President, what can you possibly do?\u00a0 I mean other than give him advice.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like you can go out there for him.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Mike, that\u2019s genius.\u00a0 Get me the advanced weapons lab at MIT on the phone and tell that sad sack Kavanaugh to meet me in the White House basement tonight at 11 pm.\u00a0 This is gonna be great.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 I need a new job.<\/p>\n Scene 2 \u2013 White House Nuclear Survival Bunker, 11 pm that night.<\/strong><\/p>\n (Judge Kavanaugh entering through blast door sees President Trump sitting in a chair with electrodes attached to his temples and wrists.\u00a0 An empty chair is to his right and a technician is checking on the wires and reading an instrument panel.)<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Mr. President, you asked me to come.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve goyour blood pressure by t a very long week coming up.\u00a0 Can this wait?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Judge Kavanaugh, this can\u2019t wait.\u00a0 I\u2019ve called you here to help you get through these hearings.\u00a0 Brett, how would you say the hearings are going?<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Honestly, Mr. President, I\u2019m extremely upset.\u00a0 The senators are acting extremely unprofessionally and I might add unfairly.\u00a0 I came very close today to gasping when Senator Blumenthal said you nominated me to help protect you from prosecution.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Gasp?\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t you laugh in his face?<\/p>\n BK \u2013 That would be unseemly.\u00a0 It would give them the moral high ground.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Brett, look, you\u2019re blowing it.\u00a0 The sharks are circling.\u00a0 They smell blood.\u00a0 If you want to keep from being borked something has to be done and right away.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 But what?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Fortunately science has found a way.\u00a0 Do you remember those experiments they used to do where you could affect your blood pressure by watching a chart of it and trying to change it?\u00a0 Biofeedback they called it.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Sort of.\u00a0 Why?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well these poindexters around us have a similar system where you can see the charts of your emotional output and mine superimposed and by watching it you can learn to copy my techniques.\u00a0 By doing this you\u2019ll master my art of zapping weasels.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that easy.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 It sounds insane!<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Please Brett, trust me.\u00a0 It won\u2019t take long and before you know it you\u2019ll be so confident that you can even sleep late tomorrow and have these coyotes cowed by lunchtime.\u00a0 You\u2019ll probably be approved by Thursday.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Well it would be a great relief to stop them from yelling at me so much.\u00a0 What do I have to do?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Just sit down in the other chair and let them attach the electrodes and restraints.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Restraints?\u00a0 Why restraints?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 That\u2019s so you don\u2019t move during the procedure.\u00a0 It throws off the calibration.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 But why aren\u2019t you restrained?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Oh, I\u2019ve done this so many times before I\u2019m immune.<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Oh.\u00a0 Okay.<\/p>\n (technicians apply the electrodes to Kavanaugh\u2019s head and arms and then strap him tightly around the chest, arms and legs.)<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Okay, any last words?<\/p>\n BK \u2013 Whaaat?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Just kidding.\u00a0 Hit the switch!<\/p>\n ( On the signal, sparks shoot from the electrodes and arc across the faces of the President and Judge.\u00a0 Both are locked in grimaces from the current.\u00a0 Several seconds later the current cuts off and the two men slump in their chairs)<\/p>\n To Be Continued.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n