{"id":4193,"date":"2018-09-06T21:23:56","date_gmt":"2018-09-07T01:23:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=4193"},"modified":"2018-09-06T21:29:42","modified_gmt":"2018-09-07T01:29:42","slug":"trump-vs-kavanaugh-you-reminds-me-of-a-man-hoodoo-you-do-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/06\/trump-vs-kavanaugh-you-reminds-me-of-a-man-hoodoo-you-do-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs Kavanaugh, You Reminds Me of a Man.\u00a0 Hoodoo? You Do! \u2013 Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/04\/trump-vs-kavanaugh-you-reminds-me-of-a-man-hoodoo-you-do-part-1\/\">Trump vs Kavanaugh, You Reminds Me of a Man. Hoodoo? You Do! \u2013 Part 1<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Link above to first episode<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dramatis Personae: Melania Trump (MT); President Trump (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Brett Kavanaugh (BK); James \u201cMad Dog\u201d Mattis (JM)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 1 \u2013 White House West Wing; 8 am Monday; First Lady\u2019s Office<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(Seated across from each other at a small conference table are First Lady Melania Trump and Vice President Mike Pence)<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Help me President Vice Mike, you\u2019re our only hope.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Of course First Lady, but please calm down.\u00a0 It can\u2019t be as bad as that.<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Oh, it is much, much, worse.\u00a0 Schmoopey has grown bored with me.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Schmoopey?\u00a0 Is that your dog?<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Schmoopey is my pet name for Donald.\u00a0 You know, your boss.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Ah, yes that\u2019s right, the name you call each other.<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Yes, and he hasn\u2019t called me that in a week.\u00a0 And at night he brings books to bed, books without pictures.\u00a0 And he has a yellow highlighter.\u00a0 And he has stopped tweeting.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Stopped tweeting?\u00a0 You\u2019re right.\u00a0 This is serious.<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Help him Mike.\u00a0 Help him to be Schmoopey again.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 First Lady, you can depend on me.\u00a0 The nation needs that indomitable spirit and free-tweeting, devil-may-care attitude to save us from the giant white pantsuit tyranny of Hillary Clinton.<\/p>\n<p>MT \u2013 Yes Vice Mike, you are a great friend, even if you will not shut the door when we are alone.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Sorry, ah, force of habit.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 2 \u2013 White House West Wing, Oval Office, same day\u00a0 10 am<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(President Trump at his desk, dictating a letter to his secretary, while Vice President Pence is seated in front of him.)<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Hold on a second Mike.\u00a0 I just want to finish this thought.<\/p>\n<p>(dictating) \u2026\u00a0 In conclusion, President Kim, I will agree to remove all American troops from Korea and provide the two trillion dollars in aid if you promise that afterward you will return the money and allow the return of our troops if after a year we are dissatisfied with your progress.\u00a0 It will be as you called it, your version of the Amazon.com service guarantee.<\/p>\n<p>Yours sincerely,<\/p>\n<p>Donald J. Trump<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Oh, Mr. President, we\u2019ve got to talk.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Mike, old friend, what seems to be the problem.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Mr. President, something\u2019s wrong, you\u2019re not yourself.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Oh well, it\u2019s that procedure I went through with Brett Kavanaugh.\u00a0 When I decided to exchange temperaments with him I never realized how liberating it would be for me!\u00a0 Why I feel so relaxed and sane.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 But sir, the Democrats are hammering you in the press and without your patented Twitter counterattacks your message isn\u2019t getting out and your poll numbers are sinking.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Well, you know what they say, sticks and stones.\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t it be better to win in the eyes of the best and brightest?\u00a0 I mean for all we know they\u2019re right.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 But Mr. President, Mueller is sure to see this as a sign of weakness and he\u2019ll subpoena you for sure.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Well what of it.\u00a0 I have nothing to hide and if I have committed any offenses shouldn\u2019t they be exposed to the judicial light of day and adjudicated fairly and honestly?<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Mueller?\u00a0 Fair and honest? \u2026\u2026\u2026..\u00a0\u00a0 Hey listen, you numbskull, I didn\u2019t sign on to be Ford to your Nixon.\u00a0 We\u2019re gonna reverse that brain drain and get you back to the evil reptilian genius that we all know and love.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Well okay, but there\u2019s no reason to shout.\u00a0 Just let me get my sweater, it\u2019s cold down in the bunker you know.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scene 3 \u2013 Vice Presidential Residence, 3 pm same day<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>(Vice President Pence is sitting in the living room with Brett Kavanaugh)<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Thanks for coming Justice Kavanaugh and congratulations on being confirmed to the Supreme Court.<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Oh, that.\u00a0 Yeah, well, I changed my mind.\u00a0 Being locked up with that Ginsberg mummy until she keels over doesn\u2019t sound like a laugh riot anymore.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 But what will you do?<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 I\u2019m considering Mixed Martial Arts.\u00a0 But there\u2019s also a combat role in Kurdistan that caught my eye so I don\u2019t know yet.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Well, that sounds great.\u00a0 But just to show there are no hard feelings the President and I want to invite you to a farewell party.\u00a0 It\u2019s at the White House tonight.<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Sounds like a snooze.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Well, Ronda Rousey\u2019s gonna be there.<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Sold!<\/p>\n<p>Scene 4 \u2013 White House Bunker, 11 pm, same day<\/p>\n<p>(President Trump, Vice President Pence, three white lab-coated technicians, a platoon of marines and Defense Secretary James Mad Dog Mattis are inside the closed bunker door.\u00a0 Loud techno dance music is blaring and a disco ball is spasmodically turning near the ceiling.)<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Alright does everyone know their parts?<\/p>\n<p>JM \u2013 It seems clear.\u00a0 You answer the door and when he steps in my marines overpower him and tie him to the chair.\u00a0 The technicians apply the electrodes and the transfer proceeds.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 But what do I do?<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Oh go sit in the other chair and keep quiet.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Fine, but you don\u2019t have to be all mean about it. Geez.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Alright quiet, I see him coming in the camera.\u00a0 Places!<\/p>\n<p>(Pence opens the door and hands Kavanaugh a drink and ushers him in.)<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Brett! Good to see you made it.<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Mike I can only stay a few minutes, can Ronda go for a ride in my Porsche?<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Get him!<\/p>\n<p>(With some difficulty, the marines overpower Kavanaugh but eventually he\u2019s tied to the chair and outfitted with the electrodes.)<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Pence you rat!\u00a0 I\u2019ll get you if it\u2019s the last thing I ever do.\u00a0 I\u2019ll shred you with my bare hands.\u00a0 Your own dog won\u2019t know you!<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Hit the switch!<\/p>\n<p>(The procedure ends and the two men are slumped in their chairs.)<\/p>\n<p>JM \u2013 Did it work?<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Where am I?\u00a0 Hey untie me you boobs.\u00a0 I have a treaty with that little maniac Kim to renegotiate.\u00a0 Two trillion dollars?\u00a0 He\u2019ll pay me two trillion dollars.<\/p>\n<p>BK \u2013 Where am I, why am I dressed this way.\u00a0 Oh boy, I said some things I shouldn\u2019t have, didn\u2019t I.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 Calm down Kavanaugh.\u00a0 It all worked out fine.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get your judicial robe all in a knot.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 Welcome back Mr. President.<\/p>\n<p>PT \u2013 It\u2019s good to be back Mike.\u00a0 But, by the way, I remember everything you said.\u00a0 Numbskull?\u00a0 That\u2019s gonna cost you Mike.<\/p>\n<p>VPP \u2013 I meant Schmoopey?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Trump vs Kavanaugh, You Reminds Me of a Man. Hoodoo? You Do! \u2013 Part 1 Link above to first episode &nbsp; &nbsp; Dramatis Personae: Melania<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,818,6],"tags":[1322,958,372,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-4193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-ocf","category-trump","tag-brett-kavanaugh","tag-mad-dog-mattis","tag-mike-pence","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Trump vs Kavanaugh, You Reminds Me of a Man.\u00a0 Hoodoo? 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