{"id":4243,"date":"2018-09-11T21:02:51","date_gmt":"2018-09-12T01:02:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=4243"},"modified":"2018-09-17T21:30:58","modified_gmt":"2018-09-18T01:30:58","slug":"trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 1<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Melania Trump \u2013 (MT);<\/p>\n

Scene 1 \u2013 White House West Wing, Oval Office, 8am Wednesday<\/p>\n

(President Trump seated behind the desk, with Vice President Pence in a chair facing him)<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 So let me see if I understand this Mr. President, you want me to advocate for today\u2019s feminist, godless, sex-obsessed women to forsake their materialistic and anti-traditionalist ways and embrace modesty, chastity before marriage, motherhood and deference to their husbands.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Well sure, if you say it like that it sounds like a snooze.\u00a0 But if we put the Mad Men to work on this we can make it sexy as hell and they\u2019ll be breakin\u2019 down the doors to sign on. \u00a0Remember, young people are idiots.\u00a0 Think of the incredibly stupid things they buy into.\u00a0 You can convince them that a guy in a dress is a woman and that Obama is smart.\u00a0 So if you give them something that actually works and just convince them that it\u2019s edgy and original you could stampede them to the altar in a mob.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Don\u2019t you think it\u2019s dangerous to manipulate people about something as serious and vital as marriage?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Look, we\u2019re not trying to scam anyone, it\u2019s your job to get the sequence and the motivation all straight.\u00a0 Make sure they wake up from the millennial malaise they\u2019ve been immersed in and commit to something that gives meaning to their muddled existences.\u00a0 It\u2019s up to me to make the sales pitch compelling and hook them.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Well I sort of see what you mean sir, but there are other considerations that could make all this moot.\u00a0 For instance, nowadays it takes two incomes to survive and where does that leave our happy couple who want to raise a family?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Way ahead of you.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of the bait I\u2019m putting on the hook.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to propose that the federal government will rig the tax structure to provide married couples that want a stay at home mom to raise their kids with a matching credit to match the husband\u2019s salary.\u00a0 And this credit will continue until the kids are eighteen or even twenty-two if they take a useful college or vocational program.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 But that will cost trillions!<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yep.\u00a0 But we\u2019ll be couple it with the end of welfare.\u00a0 No more single women raising children on welfare.\u00a0 Any man who fathers a child will pay for it and unless he\u2019s in prison he\u2019s going to live with his family.\u00a0 And with the women staying home with the kids men will be in demand again in the job market.\u00a0 Salaries will rise and eventually we won\u2019t even need to tilt the tax code very much.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 You\u2019ve thought this through I can see but I must confess I can\u2019t imagine how you\u2019ll make old fashioned marriage sound good to millennials.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Actually, I\u2019m gonna let Ivanka and Melania do most of the work on recruiting these young idiots.\u00a0 And all you really have to do is convince the girls.\u00a0 The boys will follow them like moths to a flame.\u00a0 I was thinking of something along the lines of Momma Melania\u2019s Match Making Service.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Have you spoken to the First Lady about this idea?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Not yet, but how could she refuse to save her country from childless collapse.\u00a0 In fact I\u2019ll call her now.\u00a0 (gets up from the desk, walks to and opens the door and starts shouting into the corridor)\u00a0 Schmoopey, Schmoopey.\u00a0 Schmoopeyyyyy!!!!<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 (entering from the hallway)\u00a0 Schmoopey stop shouting.\u00a0 The picture of the Obama fell off the wall.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I need your help.\u00a0 We must save American womanhood from barren, childless loneliness.<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 Oh no you do not.\u00a0 You are staying right here.\u00a0 No more Stormy the pornos for you or I will make you very, very sorry and the Secret Service will be too, too late to save some of you.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 No, no Schmoopey, I need you to teach the young women of America how to be good wives and mothers.<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 Oh, this I can do Schmoopey.\u00a0 I am full of the mother stuff.\u00a0 I will teach them about make-up and shopping and finding a good maid.\u00a0 I will need to freshen up my wardrobe to do this right.\u00a0 Maybe three million dollars?<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Just like Martha Washington.<\/p>\n

To Be Continued \u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 3<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 1   Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Melania Trump \u2013 (MT); Scene<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[652,372,16,373],"class_list":["post-4243","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-melania-trump","tag-mike-pence","tag-trump","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 1   Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Melania Trump \u2013 (MT); Scene\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\"},\"wordCount\":773,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Melania Trump\",\"Mike Pence\",\"Trump\",\"Trump vs\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Current Events\",\"Humor\",\"Trump\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\",\"name\":\"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"description\":\"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"width\":4022,\"height\":1419,\"caption\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\",\"name\":\"photog\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"caption\":\"photog\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire","og_description":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 1   Dramatis Personae \u2013 President Trump \u2013 (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP); Melania Trump \u2013 (MT); Scene","og_url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/","og_site_name":"Orion's Cold Fire","article_published_time":"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00","author":"photog","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_site":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"photog","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/"},"author":{"name":"photog","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3"},"headline":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2","datePublished":"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00","dateModified":"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/"},"wordCount":773,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"keywords":["Melania Trump","Mike Pence","Trump","Trump vs"],"articleSection":["Current Events","Humor","Trump"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/","name":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-09-12T01:02:51+00:00","dateModified":"2018-09-18T01:30:58+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/09\/11\/trump-vs-the-handmaids-tale-part-2\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Trump vs the Handmaid\u2019s Tale \u2013 Part 2"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","description":"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","width":4022,"height":1419,"caption":"Orion's Cold Fire"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3","name":"photog","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","caption":"photog"},"url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/"}]}},"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4243","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4243"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4243\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4263,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4243\/revisions\/4263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4243"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4243"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4243"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}