Dramatis Personae: End-Lesley Scold \u2013 (ES); President Trump \u2013 (PT)<\/p>\n
Scene 1 \u2013 Television showing Sixty Minutes segment<\/strong><\/p>\n ES \u2013 Hello I\u2019m End-Lesley Scold and this is Sixty Minutes.\u00a0 Tonight, we\u2019re televising my interview with President Trump.\u00a0 By the end you\u2019ll agree that I won and he was unmasked as an immature, petulant man with the manners of a wolverine and without the intelligence God gave a turnip.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take a look.<\/p>\n (Cut to the recorded interview)<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Hello End-Lesley.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 Pledge right not that you won\u2019t fire Robert Mueller!<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Where the hell did that come from?<\/p>\n ES \u2013 Oh, the teleprompter skipped to the wrong page.\u00a0 I mean good evening President Trump.\u00a0 Pledge right not that you won\u2019t fire Robert Mueller!<\/p>\n PT \u2013 That\u2019s better.\u00a0 Don\u2019t want to confuse the audience.\u00a0 Who\u2019s Mueller?\u00a0 Is he the guy who makes the egg noodles?\u00a0 No, seriously aren\u2019t we going to fence around for a while about how evil Kim Jong Un is and how I made fun of \u201cDr.\u201d Whatsername?<\/p>\n ES \u2013 Uh, sure but hold up.\u00a0 You\u2019re messing up the order and my teleprompter says Mueller still.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Okay fine.\u00a0 I\u2019m currently not ready to fire Mueller yet.\u00a0 He provides all kinds of ammunition that we\u2019re using for the midterms.\u00a0 I\u2019ll probably fire him November seventh but who knows?\u00a0 He\u2019s kind of funny with that G-Man haircut and profile.\u00a0 Maybe I can get him a part in the remake of the Untouchables, so stay tuned and ask me again in a few weeks.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 No, pledge right now, pledge, pledge!<\/p>\n PT \u2013 The only pledge we should be talking about is the Pledge you should be using to dust off the worm-eaten furniture on this set.\u00a0 Look End-Lesley, we only have like half an hour to get this done.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t move onto something interesting I\u2019m gonna leave and go golfing.\u00a0 What else have you got?<\/p>\n ES \u2013 Fine!\u00a0 How about when you made fun of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford?<\/p>\n PT \u2013 First off, she\u2019s not a doctor.\u00a0 She\u2019s more like a yoga instructor.\u00a0 Secondly, she\u2019s got too many names.\u00a0 Tell her to pick one.\u00a0 And third, you call that making fun?\u00a0 I was being nice!\u00a0 That woman is a fruit cake.\u00a0 She\u2019s lucky no one dropped a net over her and dragged her off to Bellevue.\u00a0 Look, when those Keystone Cops in the Senate put on that freak show you\u2019re just lucky I wasn\u2019t in the room.\u00a0 I\u2019d have mocked them right out of the building.\u00a0 You realize that even nine years after his death there are still DNA remains from Ted Kennedy\u2019s Senate Assistant \u201cinterviews\u201d right there on the Senate floor and come to think of it probably on the Senate walls and maybe even the Senate ceiling.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 That\u2019s entirely inappropriate to say about the Lion of the Senate.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Really?\u00a0 That\u2019s a man whose nephew was tried for raping a woman on a boat while Teddy was wandering around in his boxer shorts.\u00a0 So, Teddy\u2019s the Lion of the Senate and poor nerdy Brett Kavanaugh is Jack the Flippin\u2019 Ripper?\u00a0 Please don\u2019t make me laugh.\u00a0 If you\u2019re looking for a rapist just call up Hillary and ask her where Bill is shacked up this week.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 None of that has ever been proven inconclusively in a court of law.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well you say you must believe a woman who says she\u2019s been raped?\u00a0 How about Juanita Broaddrick?\u00a0 And you say you must believe a woman who says she was sexually assaulted?\u00a0 How about Kathleen Willey?<\/p>\n ES \u2013 But that was a long time ago.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 The fruit cake doctor is talking about almost forty years ago.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 But, but \u2026 Roe v Wade!<\/p>\n PT \u2013 End-Lesley you\u2019re getting off point.<\/p>\n ES \u2013 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!\u00a0 (runs off stage)<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Good night End-Lesley.<\/p>\n (Voice coming over the tape)<\/p>\n ES \u2013 How could you televise that?\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t the spliced tape that was the discard.\u00a0\u00a0 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dramatis Personae: End-Lesley Scold \u2013 (ES); President Trump \u2013 (PT) Scene 1 \u2013 Television showing Sixty Minutes segment ES \u2013 Hello I\u2019m End-Lesley Scold and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[1401,1400,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-4809","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-end-lesley-scold","tag-sixty-minutes","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n