{"id":571,"date":"2016-09-30T08:57:51","date_gmt":"2016-09-30T12:57:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=571"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:47:50","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:47:50","slug":"trump-vs-slashing-the-deficit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2016\/09\/30\/trump-vs-slashing-the-deficit\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs Slashing the Deficit"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: February 15th<\/sup> 2017; White House Oval Office<\/p>\n

Vice President Pence (VPP): Good morning Mr. President.\u00a0 I just got your message.\u00a0 How can I help you?<\/p>\n

President Trump (PT): Pence, we\u2019ve got a big problem.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been president for weeks now and I haven\u2019t shrunk government much at all.\u00a0 What the hell is the problem?<\/p>\n

VPP: Sir, we\u2019re following all the protocols and directives built into the law.\u00a0 We\u2019ve replaced all the political appointees and offered severance packages to the middle management aparatchiks that Obama brought in.\u00a0 But many of them are dyed in the wool communists who have no private sector skills and won\u2019t leave under any circumstances.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid sir we\u2019ll have to work around them.<\/p>\n

PT: Keep paying these losers to destroy our country?\u00a0 Are you crazy Pence?\u00a0 That\u2019s not gonna happen.<\/p>\n

VPP: But sir there\u2019s nothing that can be done.<\/p>\n

PT: Ha!\u00a0 Pence you\u2019re hopeless.\u00a0 All right, get the following things going.\u00a0 I want a list of all the personnel in the Department of Education in decreasing order of salary.\u00a0 Then I want a portion of the D of E headquarters to be outfitted with sound proofing, washable paint, fire hoses and floor drains.\u00a0 I\u2019ll need five of my business suits sent there and about 300 rolls of dental floss.\u00a0 Oh and you better also send about 300 lbs. of alka-seltzer.<\/p>\n

VPP: Mr. President, you can\u2019t do that!\u00a0 These are American citizens.\u00a0 They\u2019ll be missed.<\/p>\n

PT:\u00a0 I could probably debate both of those points but instead I\u2019ll remind you that I haven\u2019t had breakfast yet.\u00a0 So what\u2019s it gonna be?<\/p>\n

VPP: I\u2019ll get going on that alka-seltzer right away.<\/p>\n

PT: There\u2019s hope for you yet Pence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 2: A week later.\u00a0 Oval Office.<\/p>\n

VPP: Good morning Mr. President.\u00a0 Welcome back.<\/p>\n

PT: Not so loud Pence, I\u2019m a little under the weather.<\/p>\n

VPP: Something you ate sir?<\/p>\n

PT: You\u2019re a laugh riot Pence.\u00a0 Look, I need to get all my suits let out a little.\u00a0 And set up a Presidential Address with the networks tonight.\u00a0 I want to get things moving.<\/p>\n

VPP: Right away Mr. President.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 3: That night in the Oval Office with TV crews setting up video equipment.<\/p>\n

PT: Okay Billy, show the recording light when you\u2019re ready\u2026\u2026\u2026.Good evening, my fellow Americans.\u00a0 As you know I have been in office a few weeks now and the news guys have been hammering me about not fulfilling my campaign promises on the budget.\u00a0 Well I am here to give you all an update.\u00a0 As promised I\u2019ve fulfilled my campaign promise to close the Education department.\u00a0 It is officially gone.\u00a0 I finished eating the last department personnel at 3 pm yesterday.\u00a0 I went as far as to include all of the temporary staff to ensure that the budget is all the way down to zero.<\/p>\n

But this is just a first step. Numerous branches of the federal government remain untrimmed and as your Werewolf President I intend to attend to these problems one by one.\u00a0 Now granted, the Department of Education is a small branch and it won\u2019t be possible to finish off something as bloated and fatty as the EPA or the Commerce Department in a week but I\u2019ll do my damnedest.\u00a0 And it won\u2019t be easy on me.\u00a0 Already I\u2019m experiencing symptoms of indigestion, high cholesterol and gout.\u00a0 But I intend to install a treadmill in the White House and run off the extra calories that this budget program will inflict on me.<\/p>\n

I know that many will find this budget cutting disturbing and you will hear many in the media describing these measures as brutal and possibly criminal. I will answer these charges right away.\u00a0 I have sent invitations to all of my heaviest critics to join me in the press room at the White House tomorrow to put these problems to rest.\u00a0 That should take care of that.<\/p>\n

So by the end of my first hundred days in office I vow to have trimmed down the federal government to a lean weight, except of course, for me. At that point I\u2019ll be taking a few days off to allow for a long session of liposuction.\u00a0 No sacrifice is too great for your Werewolf President when it benefits the American people.\u00a0 Thank you and good night.\u00a0 Trump out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: February 15th 2017; White House Oval Office Vice President Pence (VPP): Good morning Mr. President.\u00a0 I just got your message.\u00a0 How can I<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[26,63,168,51,16,60],"class_list":["post-571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-american-exceptionalism","tag-budget-cuts","tag-humor","tag-presidential-election","tag-trump","tag-werewolf"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs Slashing the Deficit - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2016\/09\/30\/trump-vs-slashing-the-deficit\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs Slashing the Deficit - 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