Scene:\u00a0 Trump Headquarters, Election Day evening.<\/p>\n
Donald Trump (DT) (Reclining back in his desk chair asleep and having a bad dream):\u00a0 No, no.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to eat the Supreme Court.\u00a0 Sotomayor is too greasy, Ginsburg is too stringy and Kagan is too bitter!\u00a0 No don\u2019t force me to do it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t suspend the first amendment!\u00a0 No, no, noooooo!<\/p>\n
Melania Trump (MT)\u00a0 (bending over and shaking Trump):\u00a0 Wake up Schmoopy, you\u2019re having the bad dream.<\/p>\n
Mike Pence (MP):\u00a0 Mrs. Trump is he alright?<\/p>\n
Chris Christie (CC):\u00a0 Yes, should we call an ambulance?<\/p>\n
MT:\u00a0 No he sometimes has the bad dreams.\u00a0 They started after we went to the Clinton wedding.\u00a0 Very scary.<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 Where am I?\u00a0 Did I eat them?<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Eat what?<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 The Supreme Court broads.<\/p>\n
MT:\u00a0 Why are you dreaming of having the oral sex with other women, you bad man?<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 No, not have sex with them, tear them to pieces and wolf down their flesh.<\/p>\n
MT:\u00a0 Oh, in that case it\u2019s alright.<\/p>\n
CC:\u00a0 Mr. Trump have you gone out of your mind?\u00a0 Why would you dream of such a thing?<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 Because I\u2019m a werewolf.\u00a0 Remember, after being bitten by a loup garou down in Louisiana after the flood, I became a werewolf and killed vampire Hillary Clinton during the debate and then during my first hundred days in office I was forced to eat the democrat members of Congress and the entire staff of the Departments of Education and Energy.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 But Mr. Trump it\u2019s only election day and none of those things happened.\u00a0 Look at the TV screen on the wall.\u00a0 They\u2019re showing Clinton Campaign Headquarters and there she is and surrounded by all those democrats.<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 But you were there Mike and you were there Melania and you Chris.\u00a0 And I ate Hillary and Biden and him and him and him too!\u00a0 It all seemed so real and there were some meals that were really, really, gross but there were also some meals that were really, really good.\u00a0 Like when I ate Oprah, it was exactly like Ben and Jerry\u2019s Cherry Garcia.<\/p>\n
CC:\u00a0 No Mr. Trump.\u00a0 All those people are still alive and you\u2019ve been right here asleep.<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 Well I\u2019m glad I\u2019m back because even though slaughtering your political opponents is very effective, it takes a terrible toll on your self-esteem and waistline.\u00a0 And that\u2019s why every time they told me I had to solve one of these political problems by digestion I told them I just wanted to go home to Queens.\u00a0 And they sent me back and here I am.\u00a0 And I\u2019ll never leave again.<\/p>\n
MT:\u00a0 But Schmoopy, if you win tonight won\u2019t you have to go to Washington the DC?<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I will sign an executive order making Queens the new capitol.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 But Mr. Trump, all the federal personnel are in D.C.\u00a0 The government won\u2019t be able to enact business for years if you move the capitol.<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 That\u2019s a feature Mike, not a bug.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Mr. Trump, that\u2019s brilliant. \u00a0Without access to the presidency these bureaucrats won’t be able to spend money half as fast as they do now. \u00a0I should have thought of it with my brain,<\/p>\n
MT:\u00a0 And I should have felt it with my heart.<\/p>\n
CC:\u00a0 And I should have sensed it with my courageous political instinct.<\/p>\n
DT:\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 Just give me a few minutes to wake up and I\u2019ll join everyone at the main screen.\u00a0 But have someone send out for a snack.\u00a0 I\u2019m ravenous.\u00a0 Better make it ice cream and put on the Oxygen Network during dinner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Scene:\u00a0 Trump Headquarters, Election Day evening. Donald Trump (DT) (Reclining back in his desk chair asleep and having a bad dream):\u00a0 No, no.\u00a0 I don\u2019t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,51,16,54,60],"class_list":["post-634","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-presidential-election","tag-trump","tag-vampire","tag-werewolf"],"yoast_head":"\n