Is this thing on?\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u00a0 Yeah?\u00a0 Good.<\/p>\n
I’d just like to start by saying thanks to Judge Roberts.\u00a0 I heard what a lousy job you did on that Obamacare case so I wasn’t expecting much from you today.\u00a0 I figured you’d probably forget to bring your glasses or something.\u00a0 You know, typical low-energy behavior.\u00a0 But you were okay.\u00a0 So for now you’re not fired or anything.\u00a0 Now go sit down and try not to fall asleep or anything.<\/p>\n
I guess it’s traditional to talk about all the good things I’m gonna do once I move into the White House.\u00a0 But I’m not gonna do that.\u00a0 I just spent the last year and a half telling you what I’m gonna do.\u00a0 If you didn’t hear me then you’re not gonna now.<\/p>\n
What I am gonna do is tell all the losers who doubted me exactly what I think about them.<\/p>\n
I’ll start with Hillary.\u00a0 First of all I just want to tell you that the only woman more fat and disgusting than you is Rosie O’Donnell.\u00a0 And I don’t have anything good to say about Bill or Chelsea either.\u00a0 The whole bunch of you are disgusting losers.\u00a0 And beating you in the election was great and truly fun.\u00a0 Now go back to your small sad smelly house and drop dead the two of you.<\/p>\n
Okay, now for the republicans.\u00a0 You’re all a bunch of losers and I can’t believe you thought you could beat me.\u00a0 Low Energy Jeb, Pathological Ben, Little Marco, Scary Carly, Crazy Kasich and the rest of you other losers.\u00a0 I knew the American people would identify with the Trump brand.\u00a0 It is the best brand.\u00a0 All of you go back to whatever sad meaningless things you were doing before.<\/p>\n
And as for you Lyin’ Ted, just be glad I let you be VP.\u00a0 Your job is to translate all this Constitution stuff and that conservative talk into something that fits on a Power Point slide deck.\u00a0 I don’t have a lot of time for theory.\u00a0 Just give me about twenty bullet points and line up those cheap suits over at the Senate to take their marching orders.\u00a0 And tell McConnell and Ryan that I’ll kick their asses if they don’t get this all done in January.\u00a0 I’ve got a trip to Cancun planned for Valentine’s Day with Mrs. Trump and I don’t want to be distracted.\u00a0 I don’t expect you to understand this but with a woman as hot as Melania you’ve got to be on your game on V-Day.<\/p>\n
Now I have a message for all you government workers.\u00a0 You’re fired!\u00a0 That’s right.\u00a0 Everyone who works for the federal government, except for the soldiers, is officially fired.\u00a0 Anyone who wants to continue on as a temporary worker can stay for half pay.\u00a0 And that’s step one.\u00a0 Then I’m doing a top down and bottom up review and if someone can’t convince me that what you do is vital you better get your resume tuned up.<\/p>\n
And for Megyn Kelly and the rest of the creeps in the Media and especially you morons at NBC you better wake up and pull your heads out of your asses.\u00a0 Because with all the ass-kicking I’m gonna be giving you from now on you’d end up with more brain damage.<\/p>\n
And all you lazy bastards living on the dole, start looking for work.\u00a0 I’m cutting the cord for all of you.\u00a0 Lucky for you there’ll be plenty of work once I raise the tariff on chinese crap to 300%.<\/p>\n
Well that’s all.\u00a0 Now get off the lawn.\u00a0 I’m late for a meeting with Fox.\u00a0 I have a new Reality show called White House Shenanigans.\u00a0 It’s a thirty minute format that just drips with class.\u00a0 No total nudity, just boobs.\u00a0 It’s gonna be huge.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Is this thing on?\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u00a0 Yeah?\u00a0 Good. I’d just like to start by saying thanks to Judge Roberts.\u00a0 I heard what a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[288,6],"tags":[168,16],"class_list":["post-68","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\n