{"id":7822,"date":"2019-07-27T23:07:21","date_gmt":"2019-07-28T03:07:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=7822"},"modified":"2019-07-27T23:07:21","modified_gmt":"2019-07-28T03:07:21","slug":"the-dog-days-2019-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2019\/07\/27\/the-dog-days-2019-edition\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dog Days \u2013 2019 Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As I\u2019ve mentioned too many times before, there are only two seasons in New England; Winter and July.\u00a0 And a glance at the calendar tells me that this week it will be time to have the snow blower tuned up and order a couple of tons of road sand (I stay away from salt on account of respect for my well water quality).<\/p>\n<p>But before the horror truly begins it\u2019s allowable to savor the brief ecstasy that July represents.\u00a0 July this year has been undeniably full-blast summer almost from beginning to end.\u00a0 \u00a0It\u2019s been one sunny hot day after another with only a torrential thunderstorm thrown in occasionally to keep the lawn from turning to straw and blowing away.\u00a0 The only irregularity was a soggy May and June where the lack of sunshine has offset flower bloom and butterfly schedules by at least three weeks.\u00a0 Only in the last few days have the monarch caterpillars finally appeared on the milkweed and the Black-Eyed-Susans are behind in their flowering by about the same amount.\u00a0 But actually, that isn\u2019t the worst thing in the world.\u00a0 It will make August much livelier than typically and will allow me the illusion that Autumn is far, far away.<\/p>\n<p>The other thing that the end of summer heralds is the beginning of the political season.\u00a0 July and August are the silly season in the news business.\u00a0 Everyone is on vacation and no one reads the news.\u00a0 Even blogs see a downturn in readership during this time and compensate by featuring human interest stories, conspiracy theories and scantily clad women.\u00a0 Here at OCF we can\u2019t afford these fripperies so we make up for it with good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.\u00a0 We make the deep dive into the who, what and why behind those headlines you see splashed across the top of the News.\u00a0 We\u2019re not satisfied with echoing the news.\u00a0 We\u2019re determined to break the news.\u00a0 And that is why I\u2019m honored to announce our first scoop of the New England Winter Season.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Creepy Uncle Joe Biden will select Michelle Obama as his running mate.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It seems to be the perfect way for a campaign ticket fronted by Creepy Uncle Joe to add the requisite number of intersectional victim points that he so obviously lacks.\u00a0 Also, that way, when Biden loses it adds the marginal credibility of having been a VP running mate for when Michelle runs for President in 2024.\u00a0 For the Dems it\u2019s a win\/win.\u00a0 This lets them vote for an old straight white guy who has the best chance of actually winning but without feeling like sellouts.\u00a0 And it gives the Obamas a foot back in the White House door.\u00a0 And now they can reuse all those Obama\/Biden buttons and bumper stickers.\u00a0 They just have to cut the year off.\u00a0 And flip them around or something.<\/p>\n<p>Now you may ask where this bombshell report originated.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s just say that the research was a combination of powerful artificial intelligence search algorithms and the intuition that only comes from decades of good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, we had Walter Cronkite\u2019s engrams uploaded into a cloud-based matrix and then overlaid them with the programming from the HAL 9000 system.<\/p>\n<p>Well, actually, we really couldn\u2019t do either of those things.\u00a0 We don\u2019t really know what engrams are and even if we did, we wouldn\u2019t be allowed to mess with Walter Cronkite.\u00a0 And the HAL 9000 computer never really existed.\u00a0 So, no, we didn\u2019t do those things.\u00a0 But we really thought about this a lot and we really think we nailed this.\u00a0 It\u2019s definitely Michelle Obama, definitely.\u00a0 Well, there is a small, small chance that it\u2019s actually gonna be Oprah.\u00a0 Like three to six percent.\u00a0 And maybe like a half a percent Beyonc\u00e9 but that\u2019s like not even worth mentioning.<\/p>\n<p>Well there you have it.\u00a0 Hard hitting news gathered by good old fashioned hard-boiled investigative reporting.\u00a0 You heard it here first.\u00a0 It\u2019s Biden\/Obama!\u00a0 Or \/Oprah.\u00a0 Or just possibly \/ Beyonc\u00e9.\u00a0 One of those for sure!<\/p>\n<p>I think.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.whatfinger.com\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7742\" src=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/picture-4.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"3909\" height=\"851\" srcset=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/picture-4.png 3909w, https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/picture-4-300x65.png 300w, https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/picture-4-768x167.png 768w, https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/picture-4-1024x223.png 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 3909px) 100vw, 3909px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As I\u2019ve mentioned too many times before, there are only two seasons in New England; Winter and July.\u00a0 And a glance at the calendar tells<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,818],"tags":[2004,168,1832,157,1243],"class_list":["post-7822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-ocf","tag-good-old-fashioned-hard-boiled-investigative-reporting","tag-humor","tag-joe-biden","tag-ocf","tag-the-silly-season"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Dog Days \u2013 2019 Edition - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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