(Scene 1 \u2013 White House West Wing)<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT):\u00a0 Steve, who\u2019s this guy Photog from Orion\u2019s Cold Fire that you\u2019ve put on my appointment calendar?\u00a0 Is he safe to see?\u00a0 He sounds like some kind of cult leader.<\/p>\n
Stephen Bannon (SB):\u00a0 Mr. President, he\u2019s a strange but brilliant man who has parodied your campaign and presidency in posts on his website.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Oh, he\u2019s that blogger nut that makes fun of me?<\/p>\n
SB:\u00a0 Pretty much.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 What has he got on you?\u00a0 Pictures with a hooker.<\/p>\n
SB:\u00a0 Not quite, just professional courtesy.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 All right send the jackass in.<\/p>\n
Photog (PH):\u00a0 Hello Mr. President.\u00a0 It\u2019s an honor to meet you.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 You have a funny way of showing it.\u00a0 Schmoopy?\u00a0 What the hell is that?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Well Mr. President, it was a Seinfeld joke.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Seinfeld?\u00a0 That guy hates me.\u00a0 He\u2019s a total jerk!<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Well artists are a strange bunch.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 So, why are you here wasting my time?\u00a0 Don\u2019t you know how much I\u2019ve got going on?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 But I know you\u2019ve got a lot of capable staff to get it done so, I thought I would make some suggestions and hope for the best.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Like what?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Well, for one thing, I think you should be on TV.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Hey Einstein, I just got off TV.\u00a0 I have a new gig.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019ve heard of it POTUS?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Hear me out.\u00a0 I think you should have a weekly show.\u00a0 Each week you can speak directly to the American people.\u00a0 Give them a highlights reel of what\u2019s happening.\u00a0 Tell them about some problem that you want them to know about.\u00a0 Maybe read a letter from one of them.\u00a0 Also, get them involved in some initiative.\u00a0 Maybe a contest or two based on the most popular suggestion or maybe the least crazy one.\u00a0 And make sure you give them a little good news every once in a while.\u00a0 You could even get some celebrities, the ones who aren\u2019t against you to provide a little entertainment.\u00a0 Your first guests can be the New England Patriots.\u00a0 You\u2019re supposed to congratulate them anyway.\u00a0 Might as well get some mileage out of that to start things off.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Sounds kind of hokey.<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Hokier than the Apprentice or a beauty contest?<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Hmm.\u00a0 Good point.\u00a0 Well what else have you got?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 I think once you have two of your Supreme Court selections approved, you should get Congress to pass legislation outlawing affirmative action.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Are you crazy?\u00a0 The women and the minorities will go crazy.\u00a0 It\u2019ll star a civil war.<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Actually, it will avert one.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you realize that you were elected because you addressed some of the grievances that white men are experiencing because of the same nonsense that allows the affirmative action travesty to continue?\u00a0 How is affirmative action anything but government mandated discrimination?\u00a0 Really, it\u2019s time to end it.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 You\u2019re a dangerous individual Photog.<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Quite the contrary, I think ending affirmative action could act to avert danger.\u00a0 Think of it as a relief valve to release some of the pressure building up among white men.\u00a0 There are forces on the right that are getting tired of the war against them.\u00a0 This might calm everyone down a lot.\u00a0 Plus, everybody would get the respect they deserve by earning it on the merits.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 I\u2019ll think about it.\u00a0 Anything else?<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Change your image.\u00a0 Drop forty pounds.\u00a0 Lose the spray-on tan and go with a razor cut.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to look more professional.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 All right that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 Don\u2019t call me I\u2019ll call you.\u00a0 Maybe.<\/p>\n
PH:\u00a0 Goodbye Mr. President.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n