President Trump (PT):\u00a0 Mike, where are you? \u00a0I need your help.<\/p>\n
Mike Pence (MP):\u00a0 Right here, Mr. President.\u00a0 What can I do for you?<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 I need to announce another appointment.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Uhh, Mr. President, those are all finished.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Wrong, Pence.\u00a0 I have selected the next PLOTUS.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 I\u2019m not familiar with that acronym.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Poet Laureate of the United States.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Oh, Mr. President, I mean, I enjoy trolling these people almost as much as you do.\u00a0 But isn\u2019t that a bridge too far?\u00a0 Oprah may have a stroke or something.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Hey look, I need to have some fun with this job.\u00a0 I\u2019m also gonna make this a twofer by appointing him to the Board of Directors of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Alright, I\u2019ll bite.\u00a0 Who have you picked?<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 A man whom I have fired.\u00a0 A former business associate who does not like me.\u00a0 I have been completely impartial.\u00a0 The most impartial.\u00a0 This appointment is strictly on the merits of his poetry.\u00a0 His greatness is well known.\u00a0 Like me he is from New York City.\u00a0 He hails from the famous neighborhood of Sheepshead Bay.\u00a0 Not far from Trump Village.\u00a0 A truly great building complex.\u00a0 And like me he has appeared on SNL.\u00a0 His name is Andrew Dice Clay.\u00a0 His poetry is probably best known for incorporating traditional English nursery rhymes.\u00a0 His haiku on Mother Goose is legendary.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Oh good grief.\u00a0 This is going to cost us on the evangelical vote.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Nah, we may lose some feminists, but let\u2019s be realistic.\u00a0 I\u2019m not getting them anyway.\u00a0 Plus can you just see the headlines on the Times, The New Yorker, The Atlantic?\u00a0 They\u2019ll be marching with those stupid hats for weeks.\u00a0 And I\u2019ll commission PLOTUS to write a commemoration.\u00a0 Possibly something to do with Nantucket.\u00a0 And while everyone is busy I\u2019ll get a replacement for Kennedy onto SCOTUS.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 You know, this one almost makes sense.\u00a0 Alright count me in.\u00a0 But to truly do justice to this action I believe you should make the proclamation on SNL.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 That\u2019s a tough one.\u00a0 They really hate me there.\u00a0 But that\u2019s an interesting idea.\u00a0 I\u2019ll think about it.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 You know, I didn\u2019t even know Clay was still alive.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Yeah, he\u2019s been on a downward trend since I fired him on the Apprentice.\u00a0 He could probably use a full-time gig too.\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll get him a spot in the Justice Department.\u00a0 Possibly running Title IX enforcement.\u00a0 That should balance out some of the social justice holdovers from Obama.<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Now that actually kind of is poetry.\u00a0 Poetic Justice, if you\u2019ll pardon the pun.<\/p>\n
PT:\u00a0 Wow, Mike.\u00a0 You really need to loosen up.\u00a0 That was a lead balloon.\u00a0 I tell you what.\u00a0 I\u2019ll rent you a copy of Ford Fairlane and have PLOTUS give you a few lessons in funny.\u00a0 What do you say?<\/p>\n
MP:\u00a0 Hickory dickory, dock?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
President Trump (PT):\u00a0 Mike, where are you? \u00a0I need your help. Mike Pence (MP):\u00a0 Right here, Mr. President.\u00a0 What can I do for you? PT:\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[26,127,88,168,16],"class_list":["post-807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-american-exceptionalism","tag-andrew-dice-clay","tag-cabinet-picks","tag-humor","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\n