{"id":976,"date":"2017-04-12T19:29:36","date_gmt":"2017-04-12T23:29:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=976"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:36:02","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:36:02","slug":"morning-shmoe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/","title":{"rendered":"Morning Shmoe"},"content":{"rendered":"

I read the following article this morning ( https:\/\/amgreatness.com\/2017\/04\/12\/dont-fall-morning-joes-propaganda-bannon\/<\/a> ).\u00a0 It inspired the following parody.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Location: Morning Shmoe TV Studio<\/p>\n

Morning Shmoe (MS) \u2013 Welcome back.\u00a0 It\u2019s twenty minutes past the hour and I\u2019ve got to say I\u2019ve never been more pessimistic about the future of this country, this planet or this universe.\u00a0 I believe, based on the universally applicable experience I gained by being a republican congressman twenty years ago, that the Trump administration is not only doomed but that putting Gorsuch on the Supreme Court will end life as we know it on planet earth and quite probably will cause the complete collapse of the universe into a singularity or as the unscientific people would say, a black hole.<\/p>\n

Lycra Spandexy (LS) \u2013 Wow, Shmoe.\u00a0 That sounds really bad.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 It is Lycra, it is.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 But Shmoe, can we say black hole?\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t that be cultural appropriation or white privilege?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 No Lycra.\u00a0 It\u2019s science.\u00a0 And science is settled.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Well I hope all you Trump voters are satisfied.\u00a0 You\u2019ve ruined the universe.\u00a0 And it was a really good universe too.\u00a0 There were stars and planets and dolphins and Al Gore.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 That\u2019s right Lycra.\u00a0 There were many wonderful things.\u00a0 But that\u2019s all over now.\u00a0 By my calculations, the whole universe will end on April 16th at 11:47 AM, Eastern Daylight Savings Time.\u00a0 This final collapse will be triggered by the complete loss of credibility of the Trump Administration when everyone realizes that the Easter Bunny is a fraud and that the winner of the White House Easter Egg Hunt is fake news.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Well I guess I better skip getting my hair and nails done for Easter.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 That\u2019s right Lycra.\u00a0 There\u2019s no reason to do anything anymore.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Thanks a lot Trump voters.\u00a0 You all really stink.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes they do Lycra, yes they do.\u00a0 But I just want to throw out one small hope.\u00a0 If all the Trump voters repent of their sins and demand that Trump be impeached and expelled from the White House and Hillary is allowed to ascend to the presidency and Gorsuch is replaced with a liberal and all the senators and congress persons are magically replaced with Bernie Sanders clones, then maybe, just maybe, the universe will be spared.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh, that would be so great.\u00a0 Hillary must be president.\u00a0 And she\u2019s got that great new hair-cut and those great new shoes that look so good with her white pants suit.\u00a0 Oh Shmoe, make this happen.\u00a0 Make the Trump voters do this.\u00a0 Make them do it now.\u00a0 Then I\u2019ll know not to cancel my hair and nails appointment.\u00a0 Make them do it now.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 I\u2019m sorry Lycra.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t make them obey.\u00a0 They are the selfish deplorables.\u00a0 They hate everything good like Amtrak, tote-bags and polar bears.\u00a0 They are monsters.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh Shmoe, why is this happening?\u00a0 Why aren\u2019t the good people winning?\u00a0 We\u2019re so much smarter and prettier than these deplorables, except for Ivanka who is really very pretty and don\u2019t you think that is wrong.\u00a0 I mean, shouldn\u2019t she be really ugly and fat and not have her own perfume?\u00a0 Shouldn\u2019t I have her perfume instead and also her daddy\u2019s money too?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes Lycra you should.\u00a0 And that is how we know that there is no god.\u00a0 If She existed She would give you all of Ivanka\u2019s things and she would have to toil away on this stupid show instead.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh Shmoe, you are so wise.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes Lycra, yes I am.<\/p>\n

Morning Shmoe 2<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I read the following article this morning ( https:\/\/amgreatness.com\/2017\/04\/12\/dont-fall-morning-joes-propaganda-bannon\/ ).\u00a0 It inspired the following parody.   Location: Morning Shmoe TV Studio Morning Shmoe (MS) \u2013<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,16],"class_list":["post-976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nMorning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I read the following article this morning ( https:\/\/amgreatness.com\/2017\/04\/12\/dont-fall-morning-joes-propaganda-bannon\/ ).\u00a0 It inspired the following parody.   Location: Morning Shmoe TV Studio Morning Shmoe (MS) \u2013\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Morning Shmoe\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\"},\"wordCount\":612,\"commentCount\":2,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Humor\",\"Trump\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Current Events\",\"Humor\",\"Trump\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\",\"name\":\"Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Morning Shmoe\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"description\":\"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"width\":4022,\"height\":1419,\"caption\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\",\"name\":\"photog\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"caption\":\"photog\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire","og_description":"I read the following article this morning ( https:\/\/amgreatness.com\/2017\/04\/12\/dont-fall-morning-joes-propaganda-bannon\/ ).\u00a0 It inspired the following parody.   Location: Morning Shmoe TV Studio Morning Shmoe (MS) \u2013","og_url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/","og_site_name":"Orion's Cold Fire","article_published_time":"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00","author":"photog","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_site":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"photog","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/"},"author":{"name":"photog","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3"},"headline":"Morning Shmoe","datePublished":"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00","dateModified":"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/"},"wordCount":612,"commentCount":2,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"keywords":["Humor","Trump"],"articleSection":["Current Events","Humor","Trump"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/","name":"Morning Shmoe - Orion's Cold Fire","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2017-04-12T23:29:36+00:00","dateModified":"2017-07-30T13:36:02+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/12\/morning-shmoe\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Morning Shmoe"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","description":"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","width":4022,"height":1419,"caption":"Orion's Cold Fire"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3","name":"photog","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","caption":"photog"},"url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/"}]}},"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=976"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1057,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976\/revisions\/1057"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}