It’s a Lousy Job, But…

The Dunwich Autumnal Zombie-fest officially ended yesterday at 4pm when I and the other town officials who conduct this marathon nightmare put out the flames that we use to cremate the zombies.  It’s a really exhausting process.  We spend two weeks excavating a forty-foot deep 100 yard in diameter hole and then the guy who loses a series of card cuts has to sit all night in a cage suspended over the pit to lure the zombies into falling into the hole.  It’s a really disgusting job because the zombies smell awful.  Well, you guessed it.  I was the lure.  It’s such a long two nights.  But eventually the sun came up on Wednesday and I climbed along the boom of the crane and down the mast to the side of the pit and flooded the zombie-infested hole with diesel oil, topped it off with some gasoline, stepped back a good way and threw in a road flare.  It’s an interesting spectacle.  I don’t think they can feel pain so they just keep walking around in the inferno until they they’ve been thoroughly cooked.  By 4pm there was nothing left but bones and we bulldozed the soil back in again.

But it takes a couple of hot showers and a really good night’s sleep to feel normal again.  Listening to them moan sends shivers down your spine and at some point, they began trying to form a pyramid to reach me.  They never come close but it’s unnerving to watch them try.  And a few really smart and coordinated zombies climb up the crane.  I keep a bunch of long poles in the cage and when I’m sick of looking at them I push them off the boom into the pit.

I really need to find a better gig but it does pay rather well for a couple of weeks’ worth of work.  Plus, I get to see some old familiar faces one last time before recycling them for good.  Toward the end of the night, I saw a guy who had been driving behind me a few weeks ago.  It was four o-clock in the morning and the one light in Dunwich was in its blinking yellow mode.  So, I stopped to check the intersection for oncoming traffic and this guy starts laying on his horn and flashing his brights.  Then he almost side swiped me when passing me and drove off at about thirty miles an hour faster than the speed limit.  I’m guessing he must have ended up hitting a pole or boulder and the zombies must have come by and munched him before anyone found him.

Well, I flipped him off from inside the cage and then knocked him into the pit.  It might have been my imagination but it seemed like after he got up, he was shoving and bumping the other zombies in the pit quite a bit.  Well, old habits die hard they say.  I have to confess I was smiling while I watched him roasting in the pit.  Well, every job has its points.