It’s a Lousy Job, But…

The Dunwich Autumnal Zombie-fest officially ended yesterday at 4pm when I and the other town officials who conduct this marathon nightmare put out the flames that we use to cremate the zombies.  It’s a really exhausting process.  We spend two weeks excavating a forty-foot deep 100 yard in diameter hole and then the guy who loses a series of card cuts has to sit all night in a cage suspended over the pit to lure the zombies into falling into the hole.  It’s a really disgusting job because the zombies smell awful.  Well, you guessed it.  I was the lure.  It’s such a long two nights.  But eventually the sun came up on Wednesday and I climbed along the boom of the crane and down the mast to the side of the pit and flooded the zombie-infested hole with diesel oil, topped it off with some gasoline, stepped back a good way and threw in a road flare.  It’s an interesting spectacle.  I don’t think they can feel pain so they just keep walking around in the inferno until they they’ve been thoroughly cooked.  By 4pm there was nothing left but bones and we bulldozed the soil back in again.

But it takes a couple of hot showers and a really good night’s sleep to feel normal again.  Listening to them moan sends shivers down your spine and at some point, they began trying to form a pyramid to reach me.  They never come close but it’s unnerving to watch them try.  And a few really smart and coordinated zombies climb up the crane.  I keep a bunch of long poles in the cage and when I’m sick of looking at them I push them off the boom into the pit.

I really need to find a better gig but it does pay rather well for a couple of weeks’ worth of work.  Plus, I get to see some old familiar faces one last time before recycling them for good.  Toward the end of the night, I saw a guy who had been driving behind me a few weeks ago.  It was four o-clock in the morning and the one light in Dunwich was in its blinking yellow mode.  So, I stopped to check the intersection for oncoming traffic and this guy starts laying on his horn and flashing his brights.  Then he almost side swiped me when passing me and drove off at about thirty miles an hour faster than the speed limit.  I’m guessing he must have ended up hitting a pole or boulder and the zombies must have come by and munched him before anyone found him.

Well, I flipped him off from inside the cage and then knocked him into the pit.  It might have been my imagination but it seemed like after he got up, he was shoving and bumping the other zombies in the pit quite a bit.  Well, old habits die hard they say.  I have to confess I was smiling while I watched him roasting in the pit.  Well, every job has its points.

Can We Move on from the Zombie Apocalypse?

Since Night of the Living Dead premiered in 1968 there has been a steady stream of zombies.  Now that stream has become a raging torrent in the last ten years.  It’s been relentless.  TV shows, spinoffs, movies, sequels, commercials, comedies, romance novels, you name it.

But hasn’t it become an enormous bore?  First off, how ridiculous is the whole concept?  The rotting corpses of the dead are walking around attacking and devouring the living.  It’s really incredibly stupid as science fiction.  And as horror it’s so played out it’s hard to imagine there are still people willing to pay money to watch any more of this fare.

Isn’t it about time we came up with a more interesting apocalypse?  Even the Mad Max dystopia is better than zombies.  For instance, the Lord Humungus looks like he might have an interesting back story.  Maybe he was bullied as Schoolboy Humungus and would have preferred to rule the Wasteland with a more humane and progressive regime but you know how those dogs of war are once they’ve been unleashed.

After all, this is a big world full of all kinds of interesting people and customs and problems.  And with the Global American Empire seemingly winding down, writers and storytellers could concoct any number of fascinating local plot lines involving wars and criminal enterprises and local disasters that would require heroes and villains to give the audience their best efforts.

And of course, with the advent of AI and drones and all the other aspects of high technology leaving the precinct of science fiction and entering reality there really is no end to the possibilities available to a writer looking to thrill his audience with wholesale mayhem.  I hesitate to play up the bio-weapon genre because that comes too close to the “realistic” school of zombie apocalypse (ala the “I Am Legend” virus plotline).  But whatever the angle, the world is full of marvelous dangerous stuff where the most marvelous and dangerous stuff is human beings; live human beings not walking cadavers.

I am drawn to the idea of a future world where technology breaks down over the majority of the planet and has to be reignited by some local renaissance.  Maybe we reach peak oil and we get pushed back to steam locomotives and coal fired industry.  There could be some havens of modernity with old nuclear power plants limping along using fissile material scavenged from ICBMs.

And then some genius comes up with a new power source.  Or maybe it’s an old power source that he improves.  But whatever it is it would cause a ripple of change in this stalled out world.  And anyone with a little imagination can spin that into an epic of a bunch of novels.  In fact, it’s not that different from the Foundation books.  And of course, it’s a variation on the history of Western Europe since the fall of the Roman Empire.

Of course, there is probably someone reading this who looks at this the other way around and says, “Wait a minute!  Why not write a zombie apocalypse in Roman Britain?”  To which my only answer would be, “Damn you, George Romero!  Damn you to hell!!!!!!!!!!”

Cannibalism Returns to the Western Hemisphere

Regular readers of this site know that the appearance of cannibalism is my benchmark for declaring the onset of the apocalypse in the United States.  Well, we’re not quite there yet but it has broken out in Haiti which is only about a hundred miles from Florida.

“It is now thought that 80 percent of the Haitian capital is controlled by these gangs.

Describing the violence in the country, a journalist on the ground told Daily Express US that cannibalism has been witnessed on the streets as the violence reaches “unprecedented” levels.

Speaking anonymously, they said: “Haiti is living in a total chaotic situation right now. It is total chaos everywhere, especially in the capital where I am right now.”

Well, well.  I seem a lot less crazy now!  The fact that the most powerful of the gang leaders is nicknamed “Barbecue” tells you everything you need to know about the future of Haiti.  Even around here keep an eye on anyone who gets large deliveries from companies with the letters BBQ anywhere in their names.

The ZMan Counsels the Zombies of the Right

The ZMan has a very interesting post, “Day Walkers.” He makes an analogy between the Alt-Right and the zombie-vampires in I Am Legion.  He equates right wing speakers going on campus to vampires attacking humans in the daylight, basically a vampire suicide scenario.  I haven’t had a chance to think this whole analogy out completely but I definitely see what he is talking about and it is worth thinking about.

http://thezman.com/wordpress/?p=13324