I open up Word and stare at the white space and wonder, “What the hell can I write at midnight?” But there is always something to say (or write, or whatever I do) and I might as well find out what is lurking in my subconscious. The news is all over the place
Today there was a shooting on the NYC subway. Someone was shot in the head. Now this is just days after the wholly useless Governess of New York State Kathy Hochul sent the National Guard into the subway to stop the homeless from assaulting and murdering the straphangers. So, my first thought was, did a National Guardsman shoot a perp? I thought, “Nah. They probably weren’t given bullets.” Then I thought, “Maybe one of the gangbangers shot a Guardsman!” Now that seemed much more likely.
But honestly when all is said and done it was probably just gangs shooting at each other. So, all’s right with the world. Or, mission accomplished or whatever. After all, Haiti has just lowered the bar for everyone in the Western Hemisphere. If your gangsters aren’t butchering, roasting and eating their rivals then all you’re dealing with are “first world problems.” And in fact, just to show Haiti that the challenge has been accepted, Mayor Adams of New York proudly claimed that New York City is considered the Port au Prince of America. Now that’s remarkable. Port au Prince has always been a paragon of dysfunction. Back in Hait’s glory days in the 1970s there were two thriving industries that went on in Port au Prince. They had a brisk export business in medical cadavers and human blood.
Now considering that Haiti had a real problem with AIDS I’m guessing the blood business went bust. I’m guessing the cadavers were also impacted by the AIDS problem. After all, how many future doctors wanting to be dipping their hands in AIDS virus? So that’s probably why things have gone awry down in the New York City of the Caribbean. But now that powerful anti-viral drugs are all the rage, I think it’s time for all this discriminatory behavior by Americans to end and restore the trade lifeline that Haiti needs so badly.
That’s right. Haiti can now offer a new product line. Instead of medical cadavers they can provide a better option for all of those dearly departed that are cluttering up the streets of Port au Prince. Haitian Strongman Jimmy Chérizier, can bring his culinary skills to the fore and share his barbecue recipes with the right businessmen and begin exporting a whole line of smoked and cured Haitians to the US.
I mean can’t you just see it? Of course, everything will be most tastefully and delicately handled. Nothing recognizably human will be seen. No heads or hands or feet. Just meat on the bone or fillet. Why, what a perfect way for Americans to support Haiti in its hour of need. And some entrepreneurial Haitians could even emigrate up to New York and open up some barbecue joints in Manhattan. And if supply of prime Haitian runs low, I’m sure the subway shooters could provide some Northern barbecue meat in the meantime.
I always joked about cannibalism breaking out in America. I guess I was just slightly ahead of my time.
There. There’s my post.