And … I’m Back

“O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”  Huzzah! I’m back.  Like a Phoenix rising over Arizona.  Like Prometheus released from his cruel shackles I am back again!

Now what to discuss?  Of course, Jason Arday!

I mean this story is practically unbelievable.  Arday was the poster boy for DEI overreach.  Someone who was illiterate until he was eighteen was given a doctorate and then made the youngest black professor at Cambridge University with a dissertation that was plagiarized from the work of another black doctoral candidate.  And then there are the outrageous lies on his resume and about his private life including the statement that he ran 30 marathon races in 35 days with six of them on a broken leg.  He claimed to be a college instructor in Ohio at a college that had no knowledge of him at all.  He even claims to have had brain cancer without anyone else having ever heard of it.  And after being exposed as a fraud he has now, apparently committed suicide.

Presently, the Left is attempting to frame the people that uncovered his various frauds as his murderers.  A few have started describing his death as a “lynching.”  Well, I have an alternative opinion.  My underlying thesis is that DEI as it is currently perpetrated in academia is responsible for Arday getting into the terrible mess he suicided over.  If his thesis advisor had checked his work against the other published works in his field they would have discovered that he was a plagiarist.  In fact if they had bothered to check his references they would have known that several of them were fake.  And based on the comments by several of his students who have come forward, Arday was absurdly unqualified to teach in his discipline and should have been close to being discharged by the university already.  The fact that the department that gave him his doctorate degree didn’t acknowledge how woefully unqualified he was to teach at Cambridge proves that he was being hired as a DEI figurehead to show Cambridge’s commitment to social justice even at the cost of depriving his students of a decent education in that subject matter.  So DEI at Cambridge is responsible for Arday’s mess and is therefore the root cause for his death.

Now, Arday is only one of several black academicians recently exposed for plagiarism and other fraudulent practices.  This recent trend seems to have as its source a willingness of honest academicians to admit that “the emperor has no clothes.”  Colleagues who have watched as universities rewarded black academicians for substandard work now see that it is safe to speak up.  And now that they have, the truth has penetrated into the open and more and more cases will surface.

Jason Arday had a wife and two children.  His death is a catastrophe for them.  I take no pleasure in it.  But if his wife is looking to start a lawsuit then Cambridge University is the logical defendant to sue.  They should be punished for allowing plagiarism and fraud to be their public policy.

 

Mid-Summer Mumblings

Here we are in the last week of July.  Wow.  The days fly by when you’re too busy with annoying drudgery.  So that’s a strange way of looking at it.  While engaged in the drudgery it’s crawling along.  But when I finally escape, the day is already wasted away.  And what’s left flies down the gravity drain into the past in the blink of an eye.  So, I’m just annoyed at the present situation.  And it’s only gonna get worse in August and so I’m terribly disgruntled.  But until I figure a way out of the trap I’m in, it’s gonna be status quo.  Enough.  Well, at least I have the weekend off so I’m going to enjoy the next two days as much as is humanly possible.  So, stop complaining!

We’re five episodes into the first season of “Landman” and it’s a very odd experience.  The main story of Billy Bob Thornton’s character trying to manage a chaotic mix of oil field accidental mayhem, narcotraficante related mayhem and roughneck related mayhem is interesting but the subplot involving his terminally self-absorbed ex-wife is extremely annoying.  The other themes associated with his son and daughter are pretty good and his son’s story is expanding into a larger role.  Camera Girl and I are enjoying the experience of having a show that we can both watch with at least some degree of interest.  There was one scene that I found particularly funny.  Tommy Norris’s ex-wife is trying to stage a “family” dinner with herself, Tommy, their two kids and the two oil company guys who are staying at the company “house.”  She insists that they all join hands around the table for a prayer and after it’s over the two outsiders are talking about it and one guy says, “Well, that was the first dinner prayer I can remember that was explicitly blasphemous.”

Friday, Saturday and Sunday’s weather is supposed to be beautiful.  The kids came over to use the pool today and they said the temperature was perfect.  And the butterfly bush is finally in full flower and monarchs and swallowtails (tiger and pipevine) are increasingly present as photographic subjects.  And the raspberry canes are starting to produce a bumper crop of berries.  So, this is peak mid-summer experience and if I wasn’t committed to an annoying task I would be in seventh heaven.  Well, I guess it’s not that bad if I can take the time to complain this much about it.

One of our neighbors put out a bit of video from her bird feeder.  It was of a black bear’s nose stuck up against the camera.  The bear’s claws were fairly impressive and a good reminder that even a black bear is not a Disney character that you can approach with impunity.  We have a bunch of blueberry bushes that are just about ripe so we may be getting a visit from Yogi and company at any time.  I have a game camera mounted but I didn’t return the memory stick last time I downloaded the files.  I probably should.

Well, that’s enough for now.  Just regular stuff going on.  Enjoy July.

Bring on the Razzle-Dazzle

So last night Trump gave the speech and revealed that hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens are on the voter rolls and the Chi-Coms were in charge of the data link for automated voting machines for millions of votes.  And that’s great.

But when does someone go to prison for it?

If it’s just a matter of saying it, what does that do?  I mean, I already know all this.  And the Democrats who ran all this stuff certainly know about it.  But if it’s just talk what does that do?  I guess he was trying to put pressure on the Republican Senate Leader to pass the Save America Act.  Okay, good!  But will it work?  Will Thune play ball?

Maybe I’ve just become a curmudgeon.  I don’t seem to have the enthusiasm I used to have for the Trump shuffle.  Sure, all of the razzle-dazzle probably gets some points with the general public and maybe it upsets the Left when their chicanery is showcased on the six o’clock news.  But I’m hoping for something a little more substantial.  For instance, I heard that the feds have something on Gavin Newsom’s wife’s business that’s making a lot of money off of the State of California.  Well, why not arrest the Newsoms and indict them for mopery and dopery?  Now that would be worthwhile and fun at the same time.  And in the same vein, what about the fraud going on in Minnesota?  Shouldn’t the FBI have Tim Walz about ready for indictment too?

Well, anyway, you can see where I’m going with all this.  This is Trump’s second term and he’s already fired all the hacks that were slowing him down in his first term and has his own people in place so I guess I expected him to get some revenge for the various railroading prosecutions they put him through over the last few years.

But maybe Trump knows best.  His 2024 election win must be in the top ten political miracles of the last hundred years.  So, I’m not going to jump on the “Trump is doomed” bandwagon.  It seems to me that he has already achieved an enormous amount just by opening the eyes of millions of conservative voters to the sad truth about the Republican establishment and its lack of interest in actually conserving anything.  Maybe he won’t have the chance to “make America great again” before 2029 but he at least started the fight and gave a lot of people hope for the future.  So, when he gives us the razzle-dazzle, I roll my eyes up and walk away from the tv.  But I’ll leave the gloom and doom to the pundits getting paid for it.

So, if the Democrats take the House and even the Senate, Trump will still be able to do his work by executive order and existing law.  Will he transform the United States into a conservative wonderland?  Absolutely not.  Will he be a positive force for good?  Absolutely.  Bring on the razzle-dazzle.

Loan Them Smokey the Bear

So, we’re heading into day three of the yellowish/brownish/greyish-sky world.  Apparently, Canada is burning to the ground and we’ll be buried in a five-hundred-foot pile of ash by sometime around Labor Day.  Well, it’s for a good cause after all.  Once all of the Canadians have been incinerated, we can proceed to frack all the hydrocarbons out of the ground and turn the Great White North into a theme park of some sort.  Of course, the only Canadian I knew well was actually a great guy.  He was a French Canadian and he had a fantastic sense of humor and was a great fan of American pop culture.  And he was amazingly honest.  He was a great believer that Quebec should secede from Canada and was bitterly disappointed that his countrymen voted No on the referendum.  But his pride in his French identity remained strong.  Until, that is, his company transferred him to the Paris office.  It was like a dream come true.  But when he got there and tried to embrace his long-lost French brethren, they told him quite insultingly that he wasn’t French, he was “North American!”  His heart was broken.  But he rebounded and from then on, he recognized himself to be a North American.

Well, I hope he’s still living here in the States because based on the weight of ash weighing down my roof, I have to assume the only thing left uncarbonized up there is Hudson Bay.  Now I know that Canada has embraced physician assisted suicide so hopefully one of the prescribed methods is roasting because that would be relatively economical at this juncture.  I mean all you have to do is head northwest and eventually you’ll find the flame wall and after that it should be fairly simple to achieve unalive.

But I mustn’t sell Canada short.  It did give us John Candy and the SC TV troupe.  Interestingly, they always portrayed Americans in their most popular movies so I don’t know if it was their Canadian-ness that made them so funny.  And I guess we also got Mike Myers from them too.  And they have oil, coal, gas, gold, uranium and lumber so Canada used to have a lot of potential before it burned to the ground.  I’m sure Trump will figure out a way to monetize what’s left of it.  Whatever that idea will be, it will include branding the enterprise with the name “Trump” somehow.  Although maybe instead he’ll rename it West Greenland because he really liked the whole Greenland acquisition idea.

From my own point of view, if I was looking for a way to renovate a carbonized Canada, I think I’d give the whole thing back to the Indians.  Why not.  It’s enormous and loaded with valuable resources and the people living there are annoying, so give it to the people who they’re always saying they stole it from.  If they feel so bad about their theft then let them assuage their guilt and finally shut up about it.  But the deal will be that they’ll have to do a much better job of putting out forest fires.  We can loan them Smokey the Bear.  Seems fair.

Fingers Crossed Again

Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Bernie Sanders, even Donald Trump.  Look at all these old decrepit people who supposedly run our country.  Shouldn’t we institute some age limits?  And we can grandfather anyone who was already in government before the law passed.  But come on!  This is ridiculous.  I mean, even if Mitch McConnell is technically alive, he’s as pathetic as Feinstein when her “handlers” had to push the voting button for her on the floor of the Senate.  Everyone has seen the video clips of when he “froze up” during an impromptu interview inside the Capitol.  He looked like an animatronic figure in Disneyland glitching on its program.  It was absurd.

Now I know it’s hard to get good people to run for Congress.  Competent people would rather work for a living but something has to be done to raise the level of these people.  Even a lot of the young ones are morons.  I mean, I know I’m just venting here.  To fix all of this will take the concerted effort of a lot of smart people who prefer to work in the private sector because it pays better and is much more interesting but if our republic is going to survive as something more than just the plaything of oligarchs and demagogues something will have to be done to bring competence and accountability to Washington.

I think the first thing that we’ll have to demand is that anyone who serves in Congress will have to forego trading in the stocks of companies whose business is affected by government policy.  That’s a minimum.  Pelosi has already made a mockery out of legal insider trading to such a degree that the law forbidding it should have her name attached to it.

But I will confess I have no idea how we’re going to fix all this.  The lobbyists run Washington and trying to remove their influence would probably get a bunch of people killed trying to do it.  But it has to be done if things are ever going to improve.  The last time large scale reform was tried was during FDR’s administration.  Now a lot of what he did was awful.  He was practically a communist himself.  But he was trying to help poor people during a terrible business collapse.  So, we don’t need a communist.  We need someone with a mandate and a supermajority in Congress to start fixing a lot of dysfunctional policies.

Unfortunately, there is just as much chance that the next populist president will be more in the shape of a Mamdani as a Trump.  So, things may get a lot worse instead of better.  But even though I’m starting to get ancient, somehow, I have the feeling that within my lifetime things may come to a head.  We’ve been vacillating back and forth between Left and Right.  For better or worse I think something happens and the country will break one way or the other.  Fingers crossed it breaks our way.

Have Patience Oh My Friend Polemarchus

So, today Camera Girl asked me whether I had figured out the plot for my sequel to “The Sniper.”  I had to confess that my efforts to outline the story had so far been pretty feeble.  And this has a lot to do with work and the annoying responsibilities it entails.  But I have been thinking of late about a plot line having to do with a very, very wealthy and powerful character (Connors) trying to change drastically the way that Americans live.

And this ties in with the current state of affairs in these United States.  It’s apparent that people on the Left and the Right are turning to populist leaders and movements because the American dream doesn’t seem to be working very well lately.  Of course, the two sides of the political “binary” would attack the problem in completely different ways.  The Mamdani wing would confiscate all wealth and “redistribute” it in a way that would turn the United States into Cuba or worse.  But even the Right hasn’t managed to turn America into a capitalist wonderland.  Trump has made some moves to try and reverse the off-shoring of American industrial jobs but so far, the results have not been robust in my opinion.

So, I look at this situation and I think that this may be the challenge of our age.  And suppose the political parties aren’t up to the challenge.  And what if the corporations aren’t interested in being part of the solution.  If I want to get dystopian, I can have us descend into a rerun of the end of the Roman Republic with our own Marius, Sulla, Pompey and Caesar.  We could run that playbook and end up with an Augustus ushering in the approximately five centuries of American imperial rule by destroying the republic.

But what if I write a more hopeful tale.  Not a utopia but a technocratic attempt to find a better way to organize society.  Of course, artificial intelligence (AI) is the boogeyman of the day right now and it gets stood up as the cause of and cure for all our problems.  So, I can easily be accused of jumping on the bandwagon if I have Connors use some form of AI to help design a different framework for integrating people with an optimal result for the great majority of the population.

Now, I freely admit I haven’t the foggiest idea what that would look like or even if such a thing is even theoretically possible.  I wouldn’t want to end up looking like Plato does when someone reads through his “Republic” and the whole thing is a bunch of feeble arguments where he knocks down a bunch of straw men on his way to enthroning “philosopher kings” as his best and brightest ruling over his ant hive of an ancient brave new world.

But I think I would like to play around with this idea of a trillionaire re-ordering society along logical lines to optimize human happiness.  So that’s kind of my take on the sequel’s plot.  Of course, the first question I’m asking myself is whether the attempt is a success or a failure.  I’ll have to roll it around to see which is more interesting.  Have patience oh my friend Polemarchus.

Populism on the Left

Today I heard a news story that confirmed that everyone’s favorite oysterman has officially told the Maine Secretary of the State that he has withdrawn from the Democratic candidacy for US Senator for Maine.  Mr. Platner ended the message with a profane statement about ICE and few other progressive sentiments.  Well, what can I say but, “Graham, we hardly knew ye!”

But this decisive move by Mr. Platner doesn’t seem to have united the Democrats for the election ahead.  You see, there’s the matter of selecting Platner’s replacement in the next week or two.  And apparently the process for doing this is sort of undefined and is up to the state Democratic party to decide on and regulate.  And apparently, a bunch of Democrats inside of Maine and outside are worried that the selection process might resemble the way Kamala Harris was selected for Joe Biden’s spot on the 2024 ticket when it was discovered that he was brainless doofus.

I saw a video clip where the inimitable Joy Reid (yes, she still exists) was warning that the establishment Democrats were liable to replace Platner with an establishment shill who wouldn’t denounce AIPAC and wouldn’t say Free Palestine and might not have a picture of St. Bernie Sanders on his bedroom wall.  In fact, she told her massive Maine listening audience that unless Platner’s replacement was a virtual carbon copy of good old Graham that she recommended that they stay home and not vote at all.  Although she didn’t phrase it quite so politely.  And similar things were said by other esteemed pundits on the Left.

Now these discouraging words made me sad.  I thought that now that Graham had sacrificed himself on the altar of “Believe all women,” everything would be honky-dory.  But I guess maybe things are a little less “big tent” and a little more “We know what’s good for the party so shut up and vote.”

It’s a little hard to believe that maybe Susan Collins might actually manage to squeak by in November.  But I guess we live in strange times and maybe a New England RINO is closer to an establishment Democrat than a Bernie Bro denouncing AIPAC.  Well, I won’t be too shocked either way and honestly Maine is still New England no matter how much dress-up people like Graham Platner do with rubber waders and fisherman’s hats.  Eventually all of the Northeast will be a monolith of Mamdani socialists promising to tax the rich and defund ICE.  So, when all of this comes to a head in November, we will be able to stop thinking of Maine for the foreseeable future.

But something that Platner and Trump have in common and that we should be paying attention to is populism.  Providing an economy that creates middle class jobs and lifestyles for the great bulk of the American people is what Republicans need to be designing right now.  And if they don’t, then the next Graham Platner will be popping up in Texas or Florida and that will be a much larger problem for all of us.

A Special Message from the First Selectman

Good morning my fellow Dunwichians.  I come to you today with a heavy heart but a firm resolve.  I’m sure that all of you are aware of the enormous scandal that has unfolded over the allegations that have swirled around my old friend Graham Platner.  As you all know he and I go way back to the early days of the oyster farming craze of the twenty teens.  After all, as a cephalopod I naturally gravitate to shellfish eating pursuits.  And for many years we’ve made the rounds of the New England dive bar circuit.  Of course, he was entering them looking for drunk chicks and after he was done I would rip the building from the ground and swallow all of the organic contents.  But we were always very chummy.  He would show me his death’s head tattoo and I would show him my keychain with the skulls of anybody who didn’t get out of my way that week.  But we were always good pals.

But things have gone too far.  His disrespect for women has crossed a line.  Now, sure, I’ve had my moments of ribaldry with the fairer sex.  That time I crashed the Smith College orientation day and ate the whole freshman class in a swimming pool full of barbecue sauce was a bit “forward” of me but I maintained the highest levels of decorum, always keeping my pinky fingers outstretched and never talking while chewing.  And I did send an apology to the Dean of Students for neglecting to get a pool pass in advance.  But in my heart, I’ve always been a true gentleman and have never disrespected women.

So, it is my sad duty to condemn Graham for his awful behavior and shocking actions.  As the political head of the Dunwich Democratic Party, I must take the sad but necessary action of cancelling Graham Platner’s status as keynote speaker at the Dunwich Labor Day Jamboree.  And I must further demand the return of all the free passes to the rides and attractions that have already been mailed to him.  These passes represent a value of over eleven dollars and are much sought after by patrons of the event.  I would hope that Graham would have the decency of mailing the passes in time for their use at the Labor Day festivities.  He may have sunk into sexual moral depravity and criminality but at least let’s hope he hasn’t also become a selfish jerk too.

But as much as it is my sad duty to denounce Graham for his outrageous behavior, I feel it’s also necessary to extend the hope of redemption to this lost soul.  During the Middle Ages the Church of Rome was famous for their carefully calibrated table of alms linked to indulgences for various terrible sins.  In the same vein I’d like to offer Graham the chance to pay alms to Dunwich for the indulgence of his offences.  I think three tons of oysters would cover the moral lapses in question quite nicely.  If he could convey the alms to my refrigerator by the end of July, I think we could see him attending the Labor Day Jamboree as a “prodigal son” without too much squawking by the gals, in my estimation.  Think about it Graham.  I’m sure you’ll do the right thing, amigo.

Even a Man Who’s Pure at Heart

SS – Good evening xe, xer and all the ships at sea, this is your intrepid reporter Snott Smelley here on my Substack; “The Smelley Report!”  And tonight, I have an exclusive interview with that rising star of the communis…, I mean of the progressive wing of the Democrat party Gland Splatinher.  Good evening Mr. Splatinher.  May I call you Gland?

GS – Hello Snott.  Sure thing.  I’m just a simple oyster farmer from here in the heartland of Maine trying to strike a blow for just plain folks like myself.

SS – Well, Gland, things seem to have gotten complicated out here on the campaign trail for you lately and I thought maybe you needed to have a high-profile platform to get your side of the story out.

GS – Well, thank you Snott.  Yes, as of late, my enemies have been weaponizing the news reports to spread lies about my past.  They’re painting me as this angry, drunken, Neanderthal who brutalizes and rapes women on a regular basis.  The truth is that I have no more than 5% Neanderthal DNA and there is absolutely nothing regular about my attacks.  They’re completely random and completely justified.

SS – Justified?

GS – Sure!  If you just listen to the latest story about me, it’s crystal clear that I was “black-out drunk” when I showed up.  Well, that means I was not responsible for my actions.  This puts me in the same category as Larry Talbot when he becomes the Wolfman.  Sure, he tears his victims limb from limb but when he wakes up, he has no memory of his killings.  So, ipso facto, he’s innocent.  What my opponents are trying to do is paint me as more like a Count Dracula that is fully cognizant of his attacks and drains his victims of blood in the unholy quest for eternal life.  My enemies are intentionally trying to conflate werewolves and vampires.  But this couldn’t be farther from the truth in my case.  In many ways I’m more of the victim than these accusers.  After all, they had the chance to block me on Kik but encouraged me instead.  Basically, they were painting a pentagram in their palms as far as I’m concerned.

SS – Well, Gland, that’s all very interesting, but how will the voters of Maine view this situation.  Word is that all of the Democrat power brokers have turned on you and demand that you drop out of the race including Bernie Sanders who when he heard of the latest accusation broke into Yiddish and had a minor stroke.

GS – That’s where you come in Snott.  With the long reach of your platform, I can get my story out.  With your 300 million viewers I can get public opinion on my side and crowd fund my campaign to shout down the haters.

SS – Well I think there’s been a mistake.  I said I had 300 viewers.  You must have thought I meant 300 million.  But I didn’t.  But don’t worry, those three hundred are super loyal viewers and have netted me more than eleven dollars of super-chat money several times this month.

GS – Three hundred?  Three hundred?  What are you, an idiot?  My cat videos get a thousand times that every day.  Eleven dollars?  I’m going to need eleven million dollars in lawyers’ fees to keep me out of prison on the assault charges.  If you were in the same room with me right now, I’d finish you.  Don’t ever contact me again you loser.  (The feed closes)

SS – Well folks, you heard it here first.  Gland Splatinher will be using the Larry Talbot defense in his upcoming campaign and subsequent assault trial.  This is your humble servant Snott Smelley signing off and wishing you a safe, seen and centered tomorrow.

Guest Contributor – ArthurinCali – 07JUL2026 – PlatnerGate

My theory on PlatnerGate.

>Allegations 5+ years old.
>Recollection of events make no sense.
>Let him sleep it off on her couch and doesn’t call police or go to hospital because she didn’t want him driving drunk.
>No police report or SA kit evidence collected.
>She reliably “tells” next partner about assault and an unnamed therapist.
>Campaign drop out date one week away.

“Racicot said she was torn over coming forward in part because she agrees with Platner politically. “One of the reasons I didn’t come forward sooner was, the huge moral conflict that I had between supporting his politics, but not supporting him as a person,” she said.

Huh?

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Two things can be true at once: 1. This isn’t a defense for Platner’s political positions, online history, nor his multiple personal issues. He is a walking dumpster fire of a candidate that I would never support but Mainers picked him as their choice. Being convicted in the eyes of the online and media public is not a conviction in court. 2. This was a political Samson Option by the DNC that undermines any semblance of their precious devotion to the democratic process. My theory is the calls from donors kept coming in saying get Platner off the ballot by any means necessary, thus the MeToo tactic was revived with smelling salts to be used. Anyone with eyes and critical thinking skills can see a political hatchet job in action. Platner being shown the door does more for the Dems than for the GOP. If that happens, they get to pull the old Biden/Kamala trick and install who they want to run, voters be damned.

—————————————-

“But they’ll lose the race.”

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So what? Susan Collins is a reliable Democrat ringer in the GOP. They do not care if she wins another term. What happens if she does? More voting with Dems against RW domestic issues? More mass immigration from Somalia to Maine? Look up her record and you’ll see another Democrat who ran as a Republican simply to get the office. A RINO.

_____________________________

Honestly, this is bigger than Platner. Sure, he’s a walking disaster all by himself, but the big picture view should show normies of all political stripes how “managed” this entire idea of Democracy really is. From Bernie to Kamala, the illusion of choice by the voters is mostly a farce. The same-day orchestra of a pre-taped CNN interview dropping, multiple rescinded endorsements and ready-made statements from various DNC outlets show how planned the rollout of PlatnerGate was designed for full effect. Making Platner drop out and installing another candidate is a seldom glimpsed example of how the political sausage is made in the backroom. The tattoo and past online comments didn’t sway Maine voters, so the donors got too nervous and demanded the DNC get him off the ballot. Why? Because if he did happen to actually win this November, he’d be a pariah too radioactive as a Senator for public records of donor contributions, or get involved in a political patronage system in the Northeast region. A distraction and cudgel that would be used repeatedly against the Democrats. Pushing him aside also gives the added bonus of Democrats strutting around with the mantle of morality after he is vanquished, pretending that they actually cared. The idea of the Democrat party becoming the moral voice in the room is laughable. This is the party of Ted Kennedy and Scott Weiner. Of drag queen story hour for children. A party that shrugged off Clinton’s “The Bimbo Brigade” as a Right-wing conspiracy.

They don’t believe all women, just particular ones that can be politically useful to them. Progressives only care about power and control, and this is another example of tactics to that end.