As the hour approached 3pm the reporters in the White House press room grew restive. They had been waiting two hours for President Biden to appear for his one o’clock briefing on the seventh cache of top-secret documents that had been discovered in one of Joe Biden’s far-flung empire of garages housing vintage sports cars.
When the octogenarian commander in chief appeared he quickly saluted a coat rack that had a blue suit jacket on it and mounted the lectern where his voluminous notes were waiting for him. After unclenching his porcelain phalanx of state-of-the-art dental implants and shouting out the names of one or two deceased journalists the peripatetic president walked up and down the aisle mingling with the reporters; slapping the back of one misidentified NY Times White House correspondent and sniffing the hair of a middle-aged female Marine officer who had the misfortune to be within range of the sidler in chief. Finally, he was corralled by his press secretary and two secret service agents and returned to the lectern.
Once he settled down a little and expelled a little gas he looked out over the audience and said, “Well, here I am. What do you want to know?”
The Fox News White House anchor shouted out, “Mr. President, what kind of car was in this garage?” Biden shot back, “It was a black 1968 Dodge Charger R/T. It’s the very car I drove in the motion picture Bullitt back in 1968. The reporter was taken aback, “Mr. President, you would have been twenty-six years old in 1968. The man driving that car was in his early fifties.” Biden flashed his biggest Joker grin and said, “That’s what they wanted you to believe. I wore one of those latex masks that fit over your whole head. You have to look at the scene really close to tell it’s me. That was one of my best roles in Hollywood.”
The stunned talking head shook off his amazement and followed up, “Be that as it may Mr. President, what do you say that this latest trove of documents includes three separate CIA reports on the highly suspicious activities of your son Hunter in Russia, Ukraine and Epstein’s Island?” Without missing a beat Dementia Joe replied, “Why there’s nothing unusual about those files being found there. And by the way, it’s almost certain that they were planted there by Russian agents working in lockstep with Vladimir Putin and co-conspirator Donald J. Trump. It’s like I said to Franklin Delano Roosevelt the time I visited him at the White House in his last term. “Frank” I said, I always called him Frank, “Frank you can’t be too careful about those Rooskies. They’re always trying to set up good honest Americans like us.””
The reporter’s mouth was sort of hanging open, “Mr. President, FDR died when you were two years old.” Nonplussed, Biden shouted back, “That’s what they’d like you to believe. If you believe everything THEY tell you, y’all will be back in chains, y’all. The Asian American reporter could only reply weakly, “Y’all?”
But by then Biden was taking his victory lap, “Look it up on Wikipedia, it’s right there in black and white. Say everybody I think we’ve wasted enough time on this trivia. I’m late for my 1:30 military briefing on China and I hear we’ll be bombing them tomorrow so I really have to scoot. But it was good seeing y’all.
In reply to photog.
Proof! Here is Slow Joe driving a Semi: