The Coffee Joke from Ninotchka
LEON: (starting to get sore) I suppose you don’t think that’s funny?
NINOTCHKA: No.
LEON: It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn’t with the joke. Maybe it’s with you!
NINOTCHKA: I don’t think so.
LEON: Maybe you haven’t any sense of humor. Well, I’ll give you one more chance! Now listen!
He gets up and speaks in a threatening voice audible to the entire room.
LEON: When I heard this joke for the first time I laughed myself sick. Here goes! A man comes into a restaurant and sits down and says, “Waiter! Get me a cup of coffee without cream.” After five minutes the waiter comes back and says, “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of cream, can it be without milk?”
(Written for the film Ninotchka by one of these men:
Charles Brackett, Billy Wilder, Walter Reisch or Melchior Lengyel)
One of my favorites.
Then she complains about the waiters:
Ninotchka: The service in this restaurant is terrible
Leon: I complained to the manager. He says there’s nothing he can do.
Ninotchka: Why?
Leon: They’re all Communists.
Melvin Douglas was fantastic in this part. His delivery of the humorous lines was great.
NINOTCHKA
(takes Gaston’s hand)
Good evening, comrade.
(to Leon)
This man is horribly old. You should
not make him work.
LEON
He takes good care of that.
NINOTCHKA
He looks sad. Do you whip him?
LEON
No, though the mere thought makes my
mouth water.