My Office of Conformity, Exclusion and Difference

Corporations throughout the United States and probably the rest of the developed world have codified the madness of the last year in a new and improved version of the Human Resources mantra of diversity.  Now they have installed a whole “office” of its own called Diversity, Inclusion and Equity.  And what do those things mean?  Apparently, whatever they need them to mean this week.  How exactly can diversity which means incorporating many different things increase equity which means making things the same?  And how can you say something is inclusive when the specific and overarching intent of the whole endeavor is to exclude a major component of the population, namely white people.

I said white people.  And in a general way that is the case.  You could say that in the past white women and white homosexual men were excused from the exclusion group but lately their special status has begun to erode.  And I have to admit it’s quite gratifying.  It’s nice when others find out what it’s like in the barrel.  In fact, I notice lately that now Asians and Hispanics are beginning to show signs of being thrown under the bus and sometimes, if they really offend, of being given honorary “white man” status to allow them to receive the full-on hate that is usually reserved for “white supremacist” monsters only.  And, wonder of wonders, even some of the LGBTQ community, in fact the “L” at the front is being attacked for being trans-exclusionary (there is such a thing!).  Lesbians who rebel at the idea that men in dresses must be allowed to have sex with them are being branded as TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists).  I probably don’t have to tell you how hilarious I find that one.  It reminds me of a joke this old guy that I used to work with twenty years ago used to say.  Whenever a woman would catch him ogling her, he would defend himself by saying he was a lesbian trapped in a man’s body looking for sisterly solidarity.  Well now he could buy a purse and a wig and ogle to his heart’s content.  If any woman balked, he would shriek TERF! and automatically the woman would be forced to, at the very least, endure his leering.  If not, she would risk being fired for sins against diversity and inclusion.

Anyway, all this gibberish is just how the Left is punishing white people.  Everyone working for a large corporation is paying the price.  I’ve spoken to people who say that managers use the concept of diversity to game the performance process used to make promotion and firing decisions.  In a specific case a diversity hire was given the highest grade when she didn’t even have enough training in her job position to allow her to do a single project in the work year.  So, for no work she was rewarded with a big raise and then a promotion!  And these performance evaluations are a zero-sum game.  If someone gets the highest rating then someone else will get the lowest.  Guess who that will be?  That’s right, the old white guy who is doing all the work in the department.  And that will soon get him fired.  But there are laughs to go around.  Once the department gets too top heavy with diversity there really isn’t anyone left to do the work.  At that point the real work is farmed out to contractors who are allowed to be white guys and everyone wins!  Well, except for the company that has to pay for redundant workers to make up for diversity.  Eventually the real winners will be the Chinese who compete against these woke corporations and don’t have the dead wood.

But I’ve taken a page out of the woke book.  I’ve opened up my own Office of Conformity, Exclusivity and Difference.  In my organization you have to conform to my standards of normalcy to get me to give a damn about you.  I strictly exclude anyone who believes in white privilege, gay marriage, intersectionality, critical race theory, hate crime, physician-assisted sexual mutilation of children or any other insanities they invent next.  I exclude them from my circle of acquaintances or compassion.  And I celebrate the differences that exist all around us.  There are smart people and dumb people and men and women and graceful people and clumsy people and people who like art or literature or sports and those that dislike one or the other or all of these things.  There are losers and winners in every size and color.  And I think that’s great.  A black basketball player can make fifty million dollars a year because he can dunk a basket and that’s great.  And there is a white guy who can make a billion dollars a year because he invented PayPal and that’s great.  And I can’t do either of those things and that’s great too.  I believe myself to be much more important to me than either of those guys.  I’d love to have their money but I’d still rather be me than either one of those jokers.

So, there are the limits of my selection process for acceptance in my organization.  It’s wonderful to have such power, playing godling with other people.  But at least my office is based on real value.  And in the long run I bet I have a better result and a much nicer group of people.  Sure, I’d miss out on getting to know the guy in the wig and the sundress from the Biden administration and the Antifa guy who practices bestiality and all of the people with BLM signs on their cars and yards.  But somehow, I’m willing to take that chance.