The Mill Rate

It’s once again time in Dunwich to produce the town budget.  And even though it’s a slightly unusual place, we still have to go through the whole public hearing thing with the First Selectman leading the proceedings and calling for the vote.  Of course, when the budget is rejected, it always leads to “problems.”

Last year when First Selectman Cthulhu asked for a show of hands on the nays it was very noticeable when one of the nay sayers was snatched off her feet by that irascible public servant and crunched and swallowed.  This was regrettable but it was noted that several nay voters seemed to change their mind in mid-count.  So, there is a history of gentle persuasion being brought to bear at these meetings.  That probably explains why over the years the voting population has progressively skewed pro-budget.

And that’s fine.  We really do need to be flexible when it comes to the finances.  With the COVID funds now completely dried up and New England state budgets straining under the weight of “sanctuary guests” from the third world filling residences and hospitals we can no longer expect the state to fund all the various mandates that they seem to invent by the hour.

Of course, Cthulhu has taken a decidedly idiosyncratic policy twist to the question of sanctuary guests.  He has been housing all of them in his own residence.  Funny thing is none of them have reappeared.  Strange kind of sanctuary.

But it is important that we keep our spirits up when the question of the “mill rate” surfaces.  In Dunwich what that refers to is the rate at which Bishop’s Mill is sinking into the swamp.  This year it was determined by the town engineer that it was sinking at a rate of two inches a day.  Now this doesn’t sound so bad but by the end of March the main entrance was entirely submerged and so the various flour products were being delivered to the customers by ejection from the third story window.  Which is fine except that a couple of times they crushed some of the customers.

This year the budget has included a special charge for the First Selectman’s rigging enterprise to raise and relocate Bishop’s Mill to higher ground.  Now this was done once before.  And it didn’t go completely without a hitch.  The mill broke up in the Great Old One’s claws and when Gerontius Bishop complained he sort of fell into the First Selectman’s mouth and sort of got eaten.  Kind of.

To obviate the same kind of situation the Bishop family has agreed to pay a special fee for extra reinforcement of the structure to allow for any miscalculations.  But the town has agreed to defray some of this cost and thus the Budget debate.  The estimate for this town expense by the riggers (the First Selectman) is $2,500,000.  Yeah, that’s a lot.

So as a kind of compromise action a few of us got together yesterday and went down to Bishop’s Mill and soaked it with gasoline and burned it down.  The First Selectman, who is also the acting fire chief of the volunteer force, arrived at the scene about twenty minutes after the flames had guttered out at the water line.  He announced that the rigging operation would obviously no longer be needed but that the contract would still be honored and the budget would proceed on the same basis.  He really is a very determined fellow.  And he is incredibly “persuasive.”

You know, you really learn how to roll with the punches in Dunwich.  You really do.