The chief forces which hold a community together and cause it to constitute one State are three, common nationality, common religion, and common interest. John
This (bureaucracy) is Jerry Pournelles “Iron Law” at work (full description can be found here https://jerrypournelle.com/reports/jerryp/iron.html) but in total it states Pournelle’s Iron Law of
Death is a stage in human progress, to be passed as we would pass from childhood to youth, or from youth to manhood, and with the same consciousness of an everlasting nature.
Someone who saw my promotion posts on X left a comment showing interest in reading the book so I asked him to share his thoughts on the story if he got a copy. So far, he’s read the first three chapters and I find his candid thoughts very interesting.
“Hi! I am currently in the middle of chapter 3. Feel free to take my opinions with a grain of salt, by the way.
The first two scenes were excellent. I felt completely drawn into the action, and it was easy to visualize. This is Jeffrey Haskell level of quality, which is a high bar.
Once they get on the plane, however, it feels like an information dump, and the dialog becomes stilted. There are a couple of reasons for this. None of the revelations about Connor have been foreshadowed, so they feel as if they were drawn out of thin air. You don’t have to foreshadow everything, but it helps if you foreshadow something so that the reader feels connected to the exposition.
More important, there is very little feeling behind the information dump. Connor considers himself in debt to Bogey, but the rescue was incidental to Bogey’s job. There was nothing personal about it. As a result, it doesn’t seem worth a potentially $10 million gift.
The third chapter has a more serious problem. We are learning a lot about Connor’s business, but we have no idea why. To pull a reader in, you need to have some idea of what the reader is hoping to see and give a sense we are moving in that direction. Reading chapter 3, all I feel is I want the action to begin again. There is no compelling reason for me to pay attention to Connor’s business plan, since I have no idea how it fits into the story.
In any case, I thought I should give you my impressions while they are still fresh in my mind. I am hoping the action starts again soon, as you are very good at that.”
So, what I’m hearing is that the information dumps are an impediment to enjoying the story as an action story. What I’m taking away is that stories in the various action genres have a short window between the kinetic parts of the story. Now that is interesting because it means the author has to balance providing background information with keeping the reader’s interest. For me that’s tricky. With a science fiction story bringing the audience into the technical details of the “world” are sort of important. But the reviewer has made his point. If I put him to sleep or even lose his interest in the world-building then he’s not going to finish the book. Now I did start the book with two scenes he really liked but both of those scenes are remote in time from the “present” action (one is years before and one is a year or so after the triggering event of the main plot). So, in a way I paying for some of my sins against continuity.
Well, now I’m really interested in his ideas about Chapter 4. It’s got action but it’s of a singularly depressing type.
So, in line with my book writing chores I was outlining the beginning of the story. And because of the well-known story-writing dictum that the first scene should be a rip-snorting action extravaganza, I pondered how to do this. So, I thought to myself, “Self, what better way to start the story than with a massive drone attack on Connors and his inner circle!?” And I answered me saying, “Internal monologue alter ego, that’s a damn fine idea!” So that’s the direction I’ve decided on.
But a problem occurred to both of us; namely, I really don’t know much about drone attacks or repelling them. Well, that can be a problem. But in this age of LLM’s hanging around every corner I thought, “Well, let’s do some research.” And voila! not only am I an incredible fiction writer but I’m also now one of the world’s leading authorities on drones and defense against drone attacks. Crisis averted!
So now visions of solid-state high-power microwave (HPM), autonomous interceptor swarms, cheap directed-energy lasers and AI directed mini-guns and missiles are dancing in my head like toys at a kid’s Christmas. Poor Connors, with Bogey on vacation on the Left Coast how is he supposed to rest easy while his security is in the hands of lesser men? Sure, Cutter and Mel are certainly taking the technical lead in fortifying headquarters against any rogue agents of the intelligence agencies but as became apparent in the first book practical military experience is sorely lacking at Typhon Industries. Well, what a perfect time for a sneak attack.
So now I’m gleefully outlining the fallout from the attack including Bogey’s return to active duty with his friend Becky (former waitress, now main squeeze) in tow. So, this will allow me to push the political story forward. If the CIA, etc. are running rogue operations, Connors will have no choice but to begin affecting the political dynamic to advantage himself and weaken elements of the US deep state.
So, I’m going to give myself a B- so far on my first two days of outlining and since this passes (sort of), as an outlining activity I won’t penalize myself for stealing a little time for this post. I still haven’t worked out anything about Grace and her kids. I may have to consult with Camera Girl on that angle. After all, with killer drones targeting Connors, Bogey might step in and forbid his family from going within several miles of that marked man. It kind of makes sense.
As far as sf tropes and gizmos I haven’t decided what whizz bang stuff will be rolled out in this story. I feel I have to because that stuff is so much fun it would be disappointing if I didn’t. At the very least there is going to be lots of artificial intelligence involved because Mel’s status as an (apparently) self-aware machine needs to be explained and explored. After all she’s Camera Girl’s favorite character and she is kind of engaging for the writer too. Well, that’s enough for now.
Comments:
WarPig
“Please go to YouTube, search for “Slaughterbots”. Choose the DUST version with length of 7:59 That’ll give you an opening scenario.
This scared me back in 2010. The video was released in 2017. Events in Ukraine have proven it to be coming very soon. Those of us in the know have been warning the powers that be since 2010. The US can already use “Ginsu” missiles with blades instead of explosives to target and kill an individual and knows which seat in a blacked-out SUV to hit.
Darpa has been working on this “I imagine”, for over two decades, Musk’s new solid state batteries, better than lithium, has the potential to give the little ones the range and on-station time to do this. Ukraine isn’t exactly MIT or Cal Poly, yet they are halfway there already, with what “I imagine” is US help.
Slaughterbots would have to be countered by swarms of “hunter-seekers” with the ability to tell friendly minidrone from enemy. Also we’d need new and advanced surveillance technologies to find evil bots as soon as they are launched. Remember, these things in the video enter buildings and can fly along streets at a few feet of altitude. Almost impossible to trace since they are not guided from an external controller by radio waves. No bot emmissions. No way to block their controllers as there are no controllers. They are kamikaze. One set of instructions, then let them fly, do or die.
